Increase in anxiety/panic, when I try to relax!

[LittleLionMan]

No, it's really not.



But why are you posting on here? Every piece of advice you're given you say 'yeah but' and then go on to explain how bad you feel and why you can't do it.

What it the purpose of you being here? Genuine question.

I have taken the advice and am trying to implement it. Like I said, I have the advice that I think can help screenshot to refer to, and do regularly. Perhaps you're right and I shouldn't use this forum, I think I've just been getting desperate and frightened.

[ankietyjoe]

You're not trying hard enough. You think you are, but you're not.

As I can see it, you're trying something until it 'hurts too much' and then you're giving up.

It's also not really about cherry picking the advice you think you can tolerate.

I think Pulisa said it (maybe Blue), you have to be ready to work your ass off for the foreseeable to beat this. Months and months of hard work to even scratch the surface.

You need to give yourself a reason not to back out of the hard stuff. As it stands, you have it pretty easy and there's no immediate downside to pandering to the anxiety.

Quite honestly, if I didn't have kids and a mortgage when mine tore me apart I would have probably just let it roll over me for years too.

[LittleLionMan]

I honestly don't get how you think I'm letting it roll over me. If you could see what I force myself through in a day, I honestly don't think you would say that.

I might be doing some things wrong, but as far as not trying hard enough, I really find that hard to fathom.

By taking screenshots of certain things, I meant what are the most useful, not the easiest.

[ankietyjoe]

I honestly don't get how you think I'm letting it roll over me. If you could see what I force myself through in a day, I honestly don't think you would say that.

I might be doing some things wrong, but as far as not trying hard enough, I really find that hard to fathom.

By taking screenshots of certain things, I meant what are the most useful, not the easiest.

Then talk about your achievements and accomplishments. Stop talking about the things you can't do.

See where I'm going?

[LittleLionMan]

I do mate, yes.

I also think everyone telling me how bad I am, doctor told me if I don't take meds I won't survive, my old therapist told me she can't help me unless I take meds, this psychologist told me I can't get out of it on my own without meds, and all my family are panicking about me and demanding I start my meds, and as we've discussed I'm both sh*t scared of, and really don't want to take meds.

All that has got in my head as well I think, and I think that might be why I feel a bit hopeless I think.

[pulisa]

That's completely false information. If you were that "bad" you wouldn't be sitting around posting on here lucidly and clearly. How very unprofessional of your doctor to say this. If this were true he would have sent you immediately to hospital on a temporary section for a 36 hour assessment.

[LittleLionMan]

He was trying to scare me into taking my meds I think. My psychologist said straight away that it was nonsense, and that he meant if it wasn't for my family being around me, going food shopping and stuff, that I would be dead. She said it's nonsense because I would be forced to adapt in a different situation anyway.

I meant between everyone I am looking to for help, they are all telling me how bad I am, and I don't think it helps, but they are all almost trying to 'corner me' into taking medication, and that's how I feel, hopeless and cornered.

I've designed myself a bit of a productive day tomorrow and I'm going to see how many of the things on it I can do. I'm going to try and adopt an 'I'll show you' attitude and try and flip it around to let it drive me forward.

[ankietyjoe]

Dude, you don't have it bad yet. I know how you feel, and I know where you are. It could be much, much worse.

Anyway, I was also told I wouldn't recover without meds by a psychologist and two Doctors.

And good on you for the attitude about tomorrow. Just remember that you'll still feel like shit. It's not an exercise in immediate winning, rather slow slog brain re-training. The way you think today will pay you back tomorrow, positive or negative.

[pulisa]

You need to take control of your own mental health, Phil. You'll feel a lot stronger if you stop relying on your psychologist/doctor/family to help you. Ultimately recovery comes from you and having a day by day plan and a routine to stop the mental drifting will really help you. The psychologist can guide you but you are your own boss and have the power to recover by your own means. It takes strength and determination but don't rely on others..It's you who can do this.

[LittleLionMan]

That's the plan. I've designed a bit of a day plan, that involves running, eating better, working, spending time with my nephew etc... and I'm going to try and approach it light heartedly, but still sticking to it. Yesterday brought it home a bit that I can't rely on the support of others, so I need to be a bit braver and just crack on.