Increase in anxiety/panic, when I try to relax!

[LittleLionMan]

My psychologist wants me running first thing in the morning, to kick start my day, and almost say 'bring it on', rather than begin the pattern of avoidance. There is also the benefits from running, but I do get the idea of intensity. I do a programme called couch to 5k, which is running and walking in intervals. Whole session lasts 30 minutes now, with 20 minutes of that being running.

Regular and healthy eating is something I really struggle with, due to my appetite with anxiety, and sleep is obviously a problem because my mind spirals at night, and I'm never relaxed. I can't just sit and watch TV for half an hour, let alone lie down comfy in bed! - This is my biggest problem right now, being able to just 'be', and OK with it.
I tried to chill out before, got panicky, and ended up drawing up a whole set of house plans for my mate, just to occupy my mind, and pass the time without panicking... this is how bad it's got.

I definitely haven't reduced stress anyway, but I don't know if this is preferable to lying on the sofa, or in bed passing the day like I used to be able to do... it's like I can't win.

[ankietyjoe]

If you feel the exercise you're doing is benefiting more than hindering then obviously keep doing it, just be mindful of your net stress/rest balance.

It keeps coming back to the idea that you can't sit down and rest, or can't lay down and sleep.

You say you tried to chill and got panicky, but this is what you need to try and sit WITH rather than run from. Trust me, I've been there. It's just something you have to get used to. The thing to try and understand here is that panicking isn't actually the issue, it's your fear of panicking. That's what keeps the adrenaline spikes happening, not the trigger of panic itself.

[LittleLionMan]

I've just had my session with my psychologist, she thinks that because I'm a perfectionist, where she's suggested that my anxiety is no worse when I do things, compared to not doing things (so I'm safe to increase my activity), that I've decided that I have to be doing things all the time, and have began to fear having that down time, turning it in to a big deal, and making me dread it.

She's effectively told me that I'm simply trying to hard to recover perfectly, instead of just playing around with the idea that I can increase what I do, that I can get my mind into other things, and that I can tolerate the anxiety that comes up when I do.

Anxiety is just one big paradox isn't it!
(Ironically, I was OK when she was here, we went for a drive to the shop and everything, I even went in and bought some cigarettes, then panicked instantly the second she left and I was on my own!)

[ankietyjoe]

I've just had my session with my psychologist, she thinks that because I'm a perfectionist, where she's suggested that my anxiety is no worse when I do things, compared to not doing things (so I'm safe to increase my activity), that I've decided that I have to be doing things all the time, and have began to fear having that down time, turning it in to a big deal, and making me dread it.

The thing to try and understand here is that panicking isn't actually the issue, it's your fear of panicking. That's what keeps the adrenaline spikes happening, not the trigger of panic itself.

That's what this is.

She's effectively told me that I'm simply trying to hard to recover perfectly, instead of just playing around with the idea that I can increase what I do, that I can get my mind into other things, and that I can tolerate the anxiety that comes up when I do.

Anxiety is just one big paradox isn't it!
(Ironically, I was OK when she was here, we went for a drive to the shop and everything, I even went in and bought some cigarettes, then panicked instantly the second she left and I was on my own!)

In some respects you have a fear of not coping. I think that's why you were ok when she was there 'hand holding', and I use that phrase with zero disrespect. Anxiety can turn all of us into an almost needy, child like state.

Cigarettes.....

You'll either trust me or not on this one, but anxiety simply isn't just a psychological issue. Too much work, poor diet, drinking too much, smoking, not enough sleep, not enough vitamin D....the list in endless. All these things have a significant impact on overall anxiety. You cannot have a healthy mind with an unhealthy body, it just doesn't work.

[LittleLionMan]

That's it. My psychologist and I have actually done things to push my anxiety, and almost tried to have a panic attack, and they don't happen. I drove to, and went into, the shop this morning, and I wouldn't dare do that on my own.
It's a constant fear of panicking, yet I'm not scared to panic when I'm with her, and would actually welcome it to show her how bad my attacks are, as any instruction of panic and move on is just ridiculous to me. They don't just change my hour, they change my week.

I know, and I use smoking as a coping tool, I think that's next on her list to get rid of. I also don't eat a lot because I'm never hungry, and have lost so much weight due to it, which I hate.

[ankietyjoe]

Yep, I've been there. There were times where I would have to write down and record what I ate and would force myself to eat 1000 cals per day, that's all I could manage. Something to consider though, undereating forces your body to start running on adrenaline, so that alone is a kind of self sustaining source of anxiety.

The thing to try here is really up the healthy fats. Nuts, seeds, avocado, eggs and even cream and butter. These things are good for you, especially cognitively.

You also don't need to show anybody how bad your attacks are. I know when I had bad anxiety MY attacks were the worst anybody had ever experienced, you know YOURS are the worst anybody has experienced etc. And I've also been where you are now, I would have an attack and it would still with me for days or weeks. IF....I have one now, it's minutes. You can get there too, once you learn not to fear them.

And really, what is there to fear? It's only sensation. Nothing is actually happening, apart from sensation. That's what you need to re-learn.

Going back to food for a bit, if you're pushing yourself with exercise AND under eating, that is a significant, significant stress on your body. Your Psychologist may or may not have picked up on this, but it is absolute truth. You cannot under fuel and over exert without consequence.

[LittleLionMan]

The food thing is a really issue. I'm 6' tall, pretty broad, and currently weight 10 1/2 stone, it looks awful, and I know it isn't helping. I will make a real effort to address this, as I know it's a real problem for me.

Undereating forces your body to run on adrenaline?

It's the cognitive side to mine that frighten me, it's like my mind spirals down a hole and I can't get it back, and don't know where the bottom is going to be, I can't even describe it properly, but that might make sense to someone who's suffered them.

Learning to not fear the panic is obviously the ultimate goal, but I can't even imagine reaching that point, as, like most people, they terrify me.

[ankietyjoe]

The food thing is a really issue. I'm 6' tall, pretty broad, and currently weight 10 1/2 stone, it looks awful, and I know it isn't helping. I will make a real effort to address this, as I know it's a real problem for me.

Undereating forces your body to run on adrenaline?

Yes. A persistent lack of calories puts your body on alert. You're effectively telling it food is scarce and flight or fight starts happening more. This is something you really can make progress with, with some clever eating choices. Do you even know what your calorie intake currently is?

It's the cognitive side to mine that frighten me, it's like my mind spirals down a hole and I can't get it back, and don't know where the bottom is going to be, I can't even describe it properly, but that might make sense to someone who's suffered them.

These feelings are normal. A lot of people who have anxiety experience this, and as scary as it is, it's also harmless. I have had times in the past where I'd recite familiar dates and numbers just to make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

Learning to not fear the panic is obviously the ultimate goal, but I can't even imagine reaching that point, as, like most people, they terrify me.

Well, DO imagine reaching that point. There is more to the phrase 'we are what we think' than you can possibly understand.

My anxiety had me confined to a single room in the house at one point, I was a complete and utter mess. It will get better, but you have to MAKE it get better. Try to understand now that thinking 'if only X was better, I could beat this' does not work. Nothing will get better until you make it get better, and you do that by learning not to fear the thing that it is you are running from. There is no escape from anxiety, you cannot avoid it, so you might as well embrace it and say 'whatever dude'.

[LittleLionMan]

My calorie intake varies, but my appetite is the first thing to go when I get anxious, and I don't think smoking helps with that either.

It's right now where my problem lies. I've been on the edge of a panic attack now for 2 hours, not doing anything remotely anxiety provoking, but I think it's leftovers from this morning. A panic attack isn't coming and the feelings aren't going, so I've effectively been stuck at an 8/10 for 2 hours, and my brain is fried and confused, wondering when it's going to spiral down that hole into panic.

Using my mind to create positive narratives would be helpful, but I can't. These current symptoms are easily the hardest I've ever had to handle.

[ankietyjoe]

Yeah a lot of us have been stuck there too, but it will pass.

Keep track of what you eat from now on. Don't judge it, don't place any negative or positive associations with the results, but give yourself a baseline to work with. As a six foot male who does a lot of running and fretting, you should be at a minimum of 2500 cals per day, but I bet you're barely half that a lot of the time.

What kinds of things do you eat when you do eat?