You are completely right, Fishmanpa. I have begun trying to take more steps. I have made a deal with myself to not google anything. And it is hard! Last night I felt an ache in my right knee after my mom said that her legs hurt. And not googling was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I managed to do it. I was watching videos on how other individuals have beaten health anxiety and I am trying to follow their advice as far as trusting doctors. I made a few notes in a journaling app yesterday for the symptoms that I was feeling and wrote down my irrational thoughts such as “this is definitely cancer or a blood clot.” and then right under there I wrote a rational one down, such as “I have felt this pain before in the past and it never turned out to be anything. All of the stretching I have been doing for my back may be causing this ache in my leg.” And I wrote some more down today. I am hoping that eventually I can go back through them in times of panic and read that I have had these symptoms before, and that I will be okay. I am also refusing to touch that darn thermometer or blood pressure machine or oximeter!
I have accepted that I just have just done something to pull a muscle in my back. It isn’t completely better, but it hurts much less than it did the first couple of days. I had posted about trying online therapy and how I couldn’t afford it, but today I called a counseling place that my sister goes to and get a medicine for her anxiety, and I am in the process Of setting up an appointment with them. Money has always been what has held me back from getting counseling, but at this point I need to make that sacrifice. I was in medicine from my regular doctor last summer, but I need to be able to talk with someone. This is no way to be living my life. And I know that I am going to fall back down this hole, over and over. But I have faith that one day I will be able to live life with just the normal amount of worries that everyone has. I’m 20 years old and it’s time to get my life back so I can live the one I want.
Also, my covid test is negative. So I am really relieved and happy to have gotten that result.
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Also do this.... Take the time to go back and read through your threads from when you started. You'll notice (as I've noticed) a very definite pattern to your anxiety and how it manifests itself. Learn to recognize the triggers and more importantly the behaviors and thought patterns that accompany them. Doing so can help you realize and understand what's happening in your mind and in conjunction with therapy and the self help tools you're beginning to utilize, eventually control them and stop them in their tracks. Its hard work but worth every effort.