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  1. #31
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    94

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    I think I need to Pulisa. I've had lots of spots burnt off over the years and this looks and feels similar to them.

    I had the weirdest dream last night. I was walking around in a hospital with my son (except he was much younger) and all these really sick people were being wheeled past us and even a trolley with body parts. Then it switched and I was on my own in a room with a nurse and she was booking me in for chemo sessions. I remember one was at 6am on 25th February. For some reason I was very upbeat about the situation and joking with her about the early start.

    I woke up strangely not freaked out about it as I'd been so calm in the dream. It's a bit unsettling though. I wish I'd dream about winning the lottery instead!

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    10,100

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    It's only unsettling if you let it unsettle you.It's a dream,not reality. You have cancer in your subconscious mind so it makes sense that you will dream about it. It has no significance other than illustrating how your HA is affecting you.

    You obviously feel the need to get it checked as you know which lesions need to be burnt off but maybe there are also some which can be left alone..? Maybe the dermatologist could give you advice on this if he/she hasn't already?

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    94

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    Thanks for being my voice of reason Pulisa. I really appreciate it. Although I've been eating really well and walking everyday, my anxiety has been all consuming. I'm going to focus on getting more sleep and doing meditation this week. Hopefully that will help as I wait to get back in to see my therapist.

  4. #34
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    10,100

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    I think you can do everything by the book but the anxiety still has the upper hand..which is always so frustrating but it happens to us all (unless you are a robot!). You are doing all you can and taking good care of yourself which puts you in the best position to access more therapy when it's possible. I hope the wait isn't too long..You've had to endure a lot of medical tests recently which would unsettle anyone and certainly cause a knock on effect with HA.

  5. #35
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    94

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    I've updated a couple of threads I had going on the health anxiety board, but I try to stay away from there for now. I went to the neurologist today and he said he thinks I'm fine and he's got no concerns about the optic nerve as it looks normal to him and he said you couldn't get a cleaner MRI than mine. So that's good news.

    One thing I've learned about myself on this recovery "journey" is that when I have good news or anytime I feel good or happy, I sabotage myself by finding something new or reigniting an old health worry (usually by Googling). So I'm going to be extra vigilant over the next couple of days to shut down any health anxiety thoughts if they start to creep in.

    I still have some occasional nagging worries about my breast scans maybe having missed something, but I'm managing to keep them mostly at bay by reminding myself that I've had a mammogram and an ultrasound and there's no physical reason for my doctor to do any further investigation . My anxiety feels like intuition, but it's just anxiety. Also, I remind myself that my gut feelings about my health cannot be trusted as I've never been right in 10 years of predicting serious health issues. I need to trust my doctor.

    Thanks again to everyone who has reached out and supported me over the past few months, especially you Pulisa. I'm more determined than ever to do whatever it takes to break free of this.

  6. #36
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    10,100

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    Good for you, Carrie! you'll have your blips along the way because we all do but I'd suggest repeating the "trust my doctor" mantra when the doubts start to creep in. Self-sabotage is an ingrained habit with HA but being aware of this is half the battle and you are very aware and insightful. Keep as well rested and well fed as you can because being tired and nutritionally depleted can leave you a bit vulnerable to all those nagging doubts but basic self-care is a lot cheaper than paying to see countless doctors/specialists!

    Good luck, carrie! x

  7. #37
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    94

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    Hi, just checking in. Got my skin spot checked and the doc said it's just a sunspot and he'll check it again at my next full check-up in a few months. He did burn one off my nose though that hurts like mad so it wasn't a complete waste of a trip.

    My HA has been trying to poke me, but I've been managing it for the most part. When thoughts come into my head I just tell myself I'll ask my GP about it if it's still a problem in a few weeks. That's working pretty well, but I've had a things were I've found myself obsessing for a few hours before I can get my thoughts under control. Still, it's an improvement.

    I hope you are all going well x

  8. #38
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    10,100

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    Talking yourself down is big progress, Carrie. Sounds like you are doing really well. It's not easy though and it's perfectly normal to have a few wobbles.

    Thanks for updating us-hope the lesion scar settles down soon xx

  9. #39
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    94

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    Finally got an appointment with my therapist next week. Looking forward to sharing all the craziness of the past few months!
    Last edited by carriewriting; 29-07-20 at 13:29.

  10. #40
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    10,100

    Re: Breaking the Google addiction

    Not craziness..A learning process! Your therapist will be impressed at how well you have dealt with things!

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