I have spoken about this a few times before on NMP, but I've just seen a video that triggered me...

I'm talking about how animals are used for meat. I can't take it. The video I saw was non-graphic, yet at the same time extremely disturbing. It was a cow having a panic attack before being slaughtered behind a closed door. It was panicking, with nowhere to go or turn, in a narrow walkway. Shaking for its life.

Recently I've been having dreams where I've been in really hopeless situations... something really bad happens that changes my life for the worst, or like the world is ending. The best part of those dreams is obviously waking up, and the relief that I get from that, knowing everything is actually alright, and I have a family who love me with a roof over my head... but that cow? That hopelessness is a reality. That poor thing had to walk to its death. Imagine the terror.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I just had to get it out of my system, it just makes me so ANGRY that this is the way that the world is. These living, breathing, sentient, beautiful animals are one day just casually collected and driven away to a slaughterhouse... how do people who work in a slaughterhouse do it?

How do I deal with this? How do I get on with my life knowing that this is what's happening... animals with no voice are facing this every second and it just keeps happening? I find myself thinking about it briefly very often but then I have to stop myself because it's so painful. It's soul crushing... watching that video made me want to die so I didn't have to deal with the reality of our every day life

I'm not vegan, but I only eat chicken and fish. I stopped eating beef, pork, lamb like 9 months ago? It's getting to the point where I feel bad whenever I eat even chicken so I think I'm going to start avoiding that from now on

I don't even have a question here, I just had to let this all out, and I know that there's nothing anyone can do to stop this. No amount of activism, volunteering or even veganism will change this horrific truth... at least not while there's money to be made in the meat industry.

But it's torturing my soul just thinking about it, I can't even imagine how hardcore activists cope