Covitudes..

[Lencoboy]

That's diabolical treatment Lenco, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I totally agree that ok yes, some children probably weren't that badly affected by such ill treatment. But more sensitive children almost certainly were. We remember these kinds of events whether consciously or subconsciously and you have to wonder to what degree they manifest in later life. Poor mental health, addiction etc., or repetition of the behaviour on their own children.

Definitely diabolical treatment, Fishman.

And following that ordeal where I developed said eating disorder, I had to attend a residential school from January 86 where I had to suffer further inhumane treatments by staff (and very occasionally, other pupils) simply for being an Aspie.

Yes we do live in more enlightened times now but sadly there are many people who are still stuck in the past when it comes to treatment of people with learning disabilities, especially those who still think we should be seen and not heard.

Another example of an 'elephant in the room'.

[Lencoboy]

I was traumatised by being forced to eat every single scrap of my school dinner..including gristle and fat..and having to stand in front of the whole class chewing and gagging until I finished. Probably explains partly why I still have an ED over 50 years later. I passed my Eleven Plus though and academic results were paramount.

Horrible, horrible treatment, Pulisa.

I really can't get my head round the mentality of certain teachers, especially humiliating certain pupils like that in front of an entire class group or even an entire school.

That doesn't only amount to bullying by the school staff but it also encourages further bullying by other pupils, thus 'advertising' the potential weaknesses of the pupils concerned.

Diabolical.

[Lencoboy]

Primary was fine for me. Then came secondary where some of the teachers needed a psychiatric assessment. There were a few great teachers, one in particular. That was my favourite subject and it was because of his enthusiasm compared to some others who were just picking up their paycheck.

We had some screwed up teachers. One woman who never wore a bra and liked sitting on the lads desks bending forward with buttons down (obviously no complaints from us...) One woman who had a relationship with a boy <16. One man who had a relationship with a girl <16. One PE teacher would line us up along a wall with our hands out so he could kick footballs at them. Another male PE teacher who tried to see the boys in the showers so we always planned around when he was likely to take us. There was a good teacher who took us for metal/woodwork but keep sawing fingers off (the circular saw bench didn't even have a guard on it)

All back in the days when being a sexual predator in schools ranged from being fine to getting a slap on the wrist. Nowadays it's prison and the sex offenders register.

The idiot PE teachers definitely affected my confidence into later life. I've also found physical stuff difficult. My mum even fell out with them over their remarks. She once replied at a teacher parent evening, upon the sex perv being derogatory, 'well it's only PE, where does that get you in life. As long as the important subjects are going well I'm not fussed about this subject'.

Ah, those legendary sadist PE teachers and the shower horror stories!

God knows how the woodwork teachers got away with letting pupils use guardless power tools, and the mishaps in chemistry lessons involving potentially lethal substances, with even fires sometimes starting in the labs often due to the kids fooling around with stuff. Total lack of H & S.

And the dubious antics of some of your secondary teachers, such as affairs with certain pupils, how the hell did they used to get away with it?

Like you said, they were probably chasing their paychecks and of course probably had the NUT and the like to bail them out in case of any allegations of any kind made against them.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Gawd, now 'circuit-breaker' is old hat and we have 'firebreaker'

Sturgeon will be annoyed that it is Wales that have broken the ranks of UK terminology rather than her queendom.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes it IS impossible because we are not robots and are allowed to express our emotions too. It's gruelling trying to keep a loved one going and trying to lift spirits all the time. It has very negative repercussions on our own mental health. I frequently get angry and frustrated but it does no good really and we continue to go round and round in circles. It wouldn't be so bad if we had a decent support network and I'm sure your local services are just as bad, Terry?

Did you get any feedback as to when you'll get a written response from the assessment team?

Nothing yet. He said he would first speak to their doctors about her case and meds then call us within a week. We will have to ask about support and see what they say. I'm not sure about dementia but adult mental health around here us your typical self help then CBT route. It should be different for dementia since it's closer to a physical complaint than anxiety and depression so maybe there will be more?

We do have charity support groups. The one I used to go to had set up a carers open session. I will have a look but I don't think dad will use them.

I think it's not just the medical side but general guidance needed. Knowing how to handle situations when she won't comply and what will only make it worse. We asked the mental health nurse but he was non committal on it.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Ah, those legendary sadist PE teachers and the shower horror stories!

God knows how the woodwork teachers got away with letting pupils use guardless power tools, and the mishaps in chemistry lessons involving potentially lethal substances, with even fires sometimes starting in the labs often due to the kids fooling around with stuff. Total lack of H & S.

And the dubious antics of some of your secondary teachers, such as affairs with certain pupils, how the hell did they used to get away with it?

Like you said, they were probably chasing their paychecks and of course probably had the NUT and the like to bail them out in case of any allegations of any kind made against them.

Different society. What has changed it is the shift towards viewing child sexual abuse for what it is. It's like how women weren't supported against sex offenders going back decades. It was the same with children, Christ on a bike we even had an organisation openly campaigning for the rights of child sex abusers not too many decades ago who latched onto the far rights movement and some well known MPs cut their teeth as activists having links to them.

I have no doubt a young child, especially a male teacher with them, would have been very different. But at 15 that line got hazy as society saw them as randy teenagers. That hazy line is now a very firm red one.

[Lencoboy]

Different society. What has changed it is the shift towards viewing child sexual abuse for what it is. It's like how women weren't supported against sex offenders going back decades. It was the same with children, Christ on a bike we even had an organisation openly campaigning for the rights of child sex abusers not too many decades ago who latched onto the far rights movement and some well known MPs cut their teeth as activists having links to them.

I have no doubt a young child, especially a male teacher with them, would have been very different. But at 15 that line got hazy as society saw them as randy teenagers. That hazy line is now a very firm red one.

Yes, there was often that assumption (especially before the 90s) that many 'randy' teenagers, girls in particular, probably 'asked' for sexual advances and the authorities often refused to believe them whenever they attempted to seek help.

Though obviously, especially in these more enlightened times, thing are now very different, though it does still astound me how many of those unscrupulous corrupt teachers of yesteryear still managed to slip through the net and even gain a Cert-Ed in the first place.

[fishman65]

Thanks for your very kind words and offers, pulisa & fishman. It means a lot. Any guidance will always be appreciated.

Dad is getting very down and the lack of sleep is hitting him hard. Some days he's very negative. I'm just trying not to react to some of this and steering him away from thinking the worst. But some days it is hard to not say stop.

I would be lying if I said it wasn't affecting me. Negativity, arguments and moodies have been a problem with my anxiety and it certainly upsets mum too. It's impossible to not react though sometimes.

Its hardly surprising Terry that this current situation would affect yourself, especially if you're the default mediator. And the level and duration of stress is inevitably going to see you reacting sometimes, you're not a saint. Is there nobody that could step in, even for a short while?

I know its not quite the same, but last week I was phoning my Dad's energy provider to check his smart meters, without success. He was getting angrier by the minute to the point where I couldn't hear them on the phone. I very nearly walked out but knew how much that would have upset him. You must feel that exasperation constantly. All the best to you mate and keep posting on here.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Its hardly surprising Terry that this current situation would affect yourself, especially if you're the default mediator. And the level and duration of stress is inevitably going to see you reacting sometimes, you're not a saint. Is there nobody that could step in, even for a short while?

I know its not quite the same, but last week I was phoning my Dad's energy provider to check his smart meters, without success. He was getting angrier by the minute to the point where I couldn't hear them on the phone. I very nearly walked out but knew how much that would have upset him. You must feel that exasperation constantly. All the best to you mate and keep posting on here.

Thanks, fishman. I can understand that, I'm finding that with my dad. He's reacting to mum and she just digs in further. But I know he's struggling so I just try to calm it and talk about different ways to react later when we are alone. The lack of sleep is affecting him and we all get cranky with that. I react less now than I a couple of months back. I'm worried he is making himself worse.

Sadly no one else can help us. My brother is in Yorkshire nowadays. Other relatives are not close enough but they do speak to dad and one of my aunties spends a lot of time with another who has had dementia for some time (and more advanced to the point of not knowing people). I've told my brother to keep in touch as it is another avenue he can offload on and it is good for mum to hear his voice. But he's too remote to tackle what's going on daily.

I think my brother will need to be calling more as time goes on so he gets more involved in mediation.

Luckily I'm not as bad as a few years back. I don't know how I would have coped then.

[pulisa]

You would have coped, Terry..on the surface at least. It's what we do. It doesn't take away from the enormity of the strain though. Being a mediator is gruelling, ghastly and extremely isolating even without having covid in the equation.