Hey everyone,

It's been a long time since I've posted here, as - thankfully - my HA has been largely under control for the last couple of years.

I have an issue that I am highly embarrassed about, and really don't know who else to talk to.

This is somewhere I can post anonymously, with folks who understand how invasive health anxiety really can be.

This is really hard for me to post - so, please - don't judge me

So - my issue is that I am truly scared of sex.

I am a happily married woman of 13 years, with a beautiful daughter who is 9. We have previously enjoyed a healthy sex life, and there is no problem in the 'wanting' to, on either side.

We have not had sex for a loooooooong time, because I am scared of it. And I hate how it hurts my husband so much, despite how understanding he is. He really does have the patience of a saint, and I hate how unfair I am being towards him.

My fear is that having sex again after the longest time will highlight an illness that I don't currently have any evidence of.

For example - I know that bleeding after sex can be a sign of cancer.

I have ZERO evidence to suggest that there is anything wrong with me. I even had an internal exam a few weeks ago because of a few small lumps I'd found (just cysts), and the doctor said everything looks normal.

I am fully up-to-date with my smears.

I really don't know where this fear is coming from, but it's really bringing me down.

I am scared that I will bleed after sex anyway because it has been a while, and that will cause my HA to relapse. I just couldn't bare for that to happen after being in a good place for so long.

I just feel so grateful to be able to post this here. It feels like a weight off my shoulders.

Thank you xo