Asymmetric abdomen

[NotDeadYet]

The problem is, all of these symptoms are real.

They are absolutely real! You aren't imagining symptoms or sensations.

My biggest worry was the same as your thread title. I had a very real lymph node swell on my neck. It was real. I could touch it. I could measure it. I could poke & prod at it endlessly for hours. I was convinced it was lymphoma. Then when I didn't die after a year I began assuming it was some type of indolent lymphoma. I'd wake up sweating in the middle of the night, I lost some weight, and I was constantly checking my abdomen. Again, all of these things were very real and were actually happening.

Even though these symptoms were very real and were actually happening, my thought pattern and belief systems were not real at all! I went to doctors who gave me the all clear. When I asked about all of the other symptoms I was having, they validated them and said they were linked to my incessant worrying. I then got myself into therapy and began changing my thought patterns. I began challenging them. I still have symptoms and sensations. I actually still have that lymph node but I don't worry about or notice it anymore because I've learned to challenge my unhelpful thought patterns.

I will never tell you or anyone on this forum that your symptoms and sensations are not real. I will however push back one's interpretation of them. We all should be challenging those thoughts, especially when we've gone through tests and doctors have given us the all clear.

To be frank, you have lived this long because there is nothing wrong with you. I would strongly recommend getting into some therapy to work on the thought patterns. Like I mentioned in your previous thread, it looks like you have Googled a lot and I would recommend stepping away from that and grounding yourself in the simple reality of: "I'm not dead yet because nothing is wrong with me."

Best Wishes.

[ConstantWorrying]

So in addition to this horizontal bulging line in my lower abdomen in the hypogastric region (bordering the superficial epigastric vein), and the area to the lower right of my belly button sticking out a little further than my left, there's a dent in between those two sections that I don't think is supposed to be there (not on the other side, and not visible in any shirtless male abdomen pictures I can find on Google). I think I read something about sunken areas also being a sign of tumors?

I just don't understand it. It was nearly 2 years ago that I first noticed asymmetry in my abdomen with the part that is diagonally downright right from my belly button. How is it that it progressed this way...yet I'm still regular?

Also, here's a timeline of everything I've experienced since 2007:

February 2007: Rectal bleeding on two occasions. First on toilet paper, the second coated in mucus in the bowl. Went to gastroenterologist who said it was probably internal hemmorhoids.

December 2009/January 2010: Had an incident of red-colored stools. Went to gastroenterologist again, who recommended a colonoscopy. Colonoscopy came back clear: No tumors or polyps, but did find internal hemmorhoids.

Either 2009 or 2010: Hard bump on the edge of my left collarbone...like a cancerous lymph node. Never went away.

May 2011: Greenish-brown spot under one of my toe nails. Thought I saw it spread to the lateral nail fold. Dermatologist diagnosed it as a fungus and prescribed some kind of drops. This did clear up.

2012: Was seeing like black stuff in my line of vision and thought I might have a brain tumor.

2013: Ganglion cyst developed on my left wrist. I was able to diagnose this myself.

Summer 2014: Panicked about this red lesion on my back that never went away. I assumed it was a red mark from acne for years before that, but I started wondering if it was melanoma. Showed some doctors online who mostly thought it looked benign, but wouldn't say exactly what it was. Some of them seemed to think it was a nevus, which I'm nearly positive it wasn't.

Fall 2014: Started worrying about tingling/numbness in my extremities. Thought it might be a spinal tumor. Got over it fairly quickly.

Later fall 2014: Started worrying about these little random red dots that had started appearing on my skin. I learned that these were petechiae (not a rash...just an individual dot or two). Started worrying about leukemia, and to a lesser extent, lymphoma.

Later 2014: Noticed a nodule in my neck above my right clavicle that I thought was a swollen supraclavicular lymph node, and would be almost guaranteed advanced cancer. It has a pulse, though, so I have kind of figured since then it's probably an artery that bulges rather than a lymph node. Still not sure, though. I have a million shotty nodes.

April 2015: Noticed that the red lesion I was worried about being melanoma had faded and was now slightly elevated. I wasn't sure whether or not it had been slightly elevated when it was red, but the change made me assume it was melanoma for sure. However, it hasn't visibly changed since then.

Summer 2015: Developed these flat, white bumps all over my shoulders, chest, upper back, and the back of my neck. Still there to this day. I don't know what they are. I figure they're either some kind of Bert-Hogg Dube syndrome type thing, or some kind of paraneoplastic sign. I think they might be fibrofolliculomas.

Summer 2015: Developed an unexplained bruise above my knee. This has happened a few times since then as well. I can smash things into my body and nothing happens, but then I'll end up with a bruise after not remembering any trauma. This, of course, makes me suspect leukemia and lymphoma.

2016: Developed a zit in one of the moles on my back. I figured it was either melanoma that spread to that mole, or melanoma arising within the mole. Eventually, the zit peeled.

May 2017: After developing another zit in that same mole, and maybe another after that, I checked the mirror to find that this mole was way bigger than it used to be. It was somewhat asymmetric. I saw a dermatology physician assistant, who said he didn't see anything suspicious. He did look at it with a dermatoscope and said it looked fine. It doesn't seem to have really changed since then. I think it may have been traumatized by the breakouts in the corner of it.

February/March of 2018: First I returned to wondering about Bert-Hogg Dube syndrome after noticing that these bumps on my forehand, cheeks, and chin weren't going away, and were probably sebaceous hyperplasia. Then I started noticing spontaneous linear indented scars on my face. I was developing linear pitted scars without any acne trauma or anything causing it. I started thinking about autoimmune diseases. And then I started noticing lots of brown marks appearing around my eyes. I would leave the house for an hour, return, look in the mirror, and see a new mark, or a new scar. I started thinking about paraneoplastic signs, such as Leser Trelat. I wasn't sure if the brown spots were actually flat seborrheic keratoses. This would make sense if I had some kind of colorectal or small bowel tumor all this time. But wouldn't it have been so advanced at that point that I would have other symptoms as far as bowel movements? I actually developed this large, curved area under one of my eyes that looks like a layer of skin has been removed. I don't know if it's pigmented, or some kind of collagen problem, but it never went away.

June 2018: Developed weird hyperacusis on the morning leading into a dental appointment. It went away before the appointment, but then returned later in the day. It was extreme, and stayed with me for 3 weeks. It really started to go away on a day where I woke up really dizzy. I was worried about the dizziness, but then when I a took a shower, I noticed the noise of the water was no longer filling my ear. It had been so extreme that when I walked into a supermarket, it sounded like all of the machines were right up next to my ear. I thought it was either a brain tumor or an acoustic neuroma.

Summer 2018: Felt really bloated after eating a meal that I should have had plenty of room for after not eating all day. Started worrying about ascites, which made me think of liver cancer. Started intentionally trying to lose weight, which I managed to do. I had been gaining weight and was up to my highest before, and I figured this may have been because of ascites. Some time after that, I started to realize that when I put my hand over my belly button area, my abdomen felt asymmetric. I started obsessing about that and thinking the asymmetry represented a tumor in the side that stuck out more.

Some time after that, I noticed when I was lying in bed and digesting, the right side of my abdomen would sometimes lift up and be noticeably higher than my left abdomen, only to eventually go back down.

Later fall or winter 2018: I developed insomnia that lasted 3 days. Then I slept a little for a day, and then I was up for another 3 days straight before finally resolving this. My eyelids developed wrinkles under them that never went away.

Early 2019: I woke up with acid in my mouth (which I swallowed) for the second time in 6 months or so. I figured it was either related to stomach cancer, esophageal cancer, some other kind of cancer, or hiatal hernia. I decided I probably had GERD, and at some point, I developed this sensation where any time anything touched my neck, such as my shirt lightly touching it, it felt like something was pressing on my windpipe. My symptoms would be alleviated by eating or going to sleep, but then return after I got up. Eventually, this went away. It came back a couple of times for short stints, but went away again, and I haven't really been bothered by it since.

Later 2019: I started worrying about cardiovascular issues based on bending over and feeling like there's an excess amount of pressure in my head when I do. This has been a recurring thing for me over the last few years.

Within the last few weeks: The asymmetry I mentioned in my lower abdomen in the hypogastric region.


I think I still missed plenty of stuff, too.

[textsfromthemoon]

I don't mean this to discount the physical symptoms you're experiencing, but have you at any point during this time sought out therapy or spoken with a mental health professional? You're describing A LOT of different symptoms and honestly mentioning a lot of different things that truthfully I've never heard of and I'm far from being a doctor, so I can't really speak on the medical side of what you're discussing)

However from the HA perspective (as someone who has HA and has a lot of weird irrational fears, including rabies at one point lol) I can tell you it would be extremely unlikely (AKA pretty much impossible) for you to have had all of these extremely serious medical conditions without any doctors ever catching/diagnosing them. Again I dont say that to discount your physical symptoms, because as someone with HA I know how real they are, but anxiety can 100% cause you to feel a lot of different things, I've experienced facial numbness/tingling, stomach problems, weird feelings in my throat etc. etc. all as a result of times where my anxiety was very bad.

[Fishmanpa]

The fact you've kept such a detailed decade+ diary of your symptoms illustrates what the real issue is.

Positive thoughts

[ConstantWorrying]

I don't mean this to discount the physical symptoms you're experiencing, but have you at any point during this time sought out therapy or spoken with a mental health professional? You're describing A LOT of different symptoms and honestly mentioning a lot of different things that truthfully I've never heard of and I'm far from being a doctor, so I can't really speak on the medical side of what you're discussing)

However from the HA perspective (as someone who has HA and has a lot of weird irrational fears, including rabies at one point lol) I can tell you it would be extremely unlikely (AKA pretty much impossible) for you to have had all of these extremely serious medical conditions without any doctors ever catching/diagnosing them. Again I dont say that to discount your physical symptoms, because as someone with HA I know how real they are, but anxiety can 100% cause you to feel a lot of different things, I've experienced facial numbness/tingling, stomach problems, weird feelings in my throat etc. etc. all as a result of times where my anxiety was very bad.

I've seen therapists on and off for many years, but there's nothing that can be done about this.

What I need is to stop developing symptoms. But my body has been bizarre for a long time, so I keep developing stuff.

I forgot to mention I also have been having spontaneous hypertrophic scars appearing on my shoulders, upper back, and chest for a long time now (I would say since around 2003). But I can't even be sure these are even hypertrophic scars. The dermatology physician assistant saw one of them and thought it was a cyst until I told him I thought it was a scar, to which he came up closer and went, "oh, you're right, that is a scar." Who knows if he even know what he was talking about there. He then asked if I had burned myself or something...to which the answer was, no.

I just don't think doctors really know much of anything. That's the problem. I went for a colonoscopy in January of 2010 and now I think I have bowel cancer. I guess they don't check the small intestine, but it's still something where I did what was suggested and I'm still not really reassured in the long run.

And I read a study that said colonoscopies miss cancer that appears within a few years 6% of the time...which doesn't make any sense to me. 6% is much higher than the lifetime incidence of colorectal cancer. If that statistic is true, it's clear colonoscopies cause colon cancer.

I guess it's somewhat weighted in that many people who don't have symptoms don't get routine colonoscopies, but still.

[NotDeadYet]

What I need is to stop developing symptoms.

As a human being with a functioning body in the real world, this is an unrealistic desire. If this desire acts as the litmus test for your recovery, then I'm so sorry to tell you that you will never recover. Your body will constantly be experiencing symptoms, sensations and changes. The only solution is rewiring your thinking patterns to not catastrophize or add unrealistic meaning to every symptom, sensation and change. Clearly I don't know your experience with therapy but categorically stating "there's nothing that can be done about this" simply isn't true.

Best Wishes.

[Elen]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

Elen

[ConstantWorrying]

As a human being with a functioning body in the real world, this is an unrealistic desire. If this desire acts as the litmus test for your recovery, then I'm so sorry to tell you that you will never recover. Your body will constantly be experiencing symptoms, sensations and changes. The only solution is rewiring your thinking patterns to not catastrophize or add unrealistic meaning to every symptom, sensation and change. Clearly I don't know your experience with therapy but categorically stating "there's nothing that can be done about this" simply isn't true.

Best Wishes.

The problem is, most of this stuff is stuff doctors say is abnormal and they urge you to receive prompt medical examination.

"Rectal bleeding is never normal."
"There's no good reason for asymmetry."
"If you see a change in a mole, get it looked at."

It's not like I'm panicking about every slight ache or pain...although the thought always goes through my head.

[Midnight-mouse]

The problem is, most of this stuff is stuff doctors say is abnormal and they urge you to receive prompt medical examination.

"Rectal bleeding is never normal."
"There's no good reason for asymmetry."
"If you see a change in a mole, get it looked at."

It's not like I'm panicking about every slight ache or pain...although the thought always goes through my head.

I think this is the problem with these awareness campaigns, those that wouldn’t seek a medical opinion without being told are still likely to put it off unless they experience very severe symptoms. And those that don’t need any encouragement to check their bodies have something to worry about. They are specific enough for those that already struggle.

There are multiple ‘normal’ reasons for rectal bleeding, some being very common indeed. Especially when considering modern lifestyles and diets.
We are all asymmetric by design, the campaigns aren’t able to give all the information as to what they actually mean of concerning asymmetry and how to actually feel for it because we as the general public aren’t medically trained.
Also our skin changes as we age, lots of changes happen moles included this is better to think of only certain changes are concerning and they tend to make themselves fairly obvious. I have a lot of marks on my skin that I have no idea what they came from or what they would be called.

All of these things someone not overly concerned about their body would notice when they actually need checking. Those that are overly concerned notice very small things that others wouldn’t and assign value to them because of these campaigns. I have the sort of asymmetry your describing on my abdomen also, my husband also has similar. We all bulge in different ways it doesn’t automatically mean there’s anything seriously wrong with us, frankly when something is serious it doesn’t leave you wondering and writing down every ‘symptom’ over years, it makes itself known and it doesn’t go away.

Yes I do agree some of these things are worth having checked by someone that actually knows what they are doing but they are all part of life, and mostly benign.

I say all of this as someone who has recovered from health anxiety, but is still working on some other mental illness related things. I do understand how it feels, but you’re not doing yourself or your body any favours by being this aware of every little thing. It’s not keeping you safer, it’s not going to stop anything from happening if it’s going to. And you certainly wouldn’t need to be this aware to know if something serious were to be happening.


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