Scared of insomnia death

[Strew49]

I've got generalised anxiety disorder and haven't done well since the pandemic started. During lockdown I was significantly depressed but I was sleeping. However I developed a bad habit of not sleeping until 6am. I figured it was anxiety related that being vigilant all night made me feel safe in uncertain times. I live with well rounded people who have been waking around 8-9am. This eventually led to a few bad nights of anxiety about being kept awake if I couldn't sleep in time. So I had a few nights of not sleeping until 11am once everyone was awake to prove to my anxious mind it could be done.

It settled down for a while before coming back with a vengeance. It's been a month now. I had 3 weeks of the usual not being able to get to sleep but once I was sometime between 5-7am I'd wake up refreshed at least. Then it changed to a week where I had no problems getting to sleep but would wake up for a long while after 3 hours.

I had a particularly bad night the other day where I had a lot riding on the next day and so I didn't sleep. I managed a short nap but I just kept waking so I got up. I was hoping the typical 1 day without sleep would fix my cycle. It didn't I went almost 48 hours unable to sleep. I even tried walking for 3 hours. I was exhausted and I couldn't sleep. Instead I ended up crying and having anxiety attacks. Finally I resorted to sleeping at the opposite end of the bed and my mind was so exhausted it stopped fighting to keep me awake.

I thought I'd get a refreshing sleep... Instead I woke up 5 hours later and I'm now terrified of not sleeping again. I have a horrific fear that I'll have a bad night and won't sleep ever again that I'll collapse and need to go to hospital or just die. I don't know if this is possible but it's my worry that keeps me awake.

There's a lot going on in my life, I'm trying to move in with my partner which isn't going well because a lot of other people have the same idea. We're on a time limit before we'd have to stop meeting again and the pandemic is mentally taking its toll. I know it's anxiety keeping me up but I don't know how to fix it. Anxiety at the moment is my deafult and I'm constantly anxious about not sleeping. I'd love to fix my pattern but clearly staying awake isn't even enough to do that. I feel positively lost. I cant try melatonin due to a bruising disorder that's being investigated.

[MightyPC]

I feel for you. I’ve had nights like that, tonight is one. In bed at 23:00 and not slept a wink. I feel wide awake, though my neck is swollen and so are my glands, so it’s difficult to breathe when I lay down.

If like me, you feel so much better after a good nights sleep. Lack of sleep makes things worse and really is not too good for general or mental health.

You could try reading to see if that makes to sleepy or maybe drinking milk, someone once said that works well. I feel very hypocritical as I’m laying here wide awake giving advice on something that I am struggling with tonight!


Anyway, good luck and I hope you get piece of mind and some sleep soon.

[MightyPC]

Another thought and I’ve not personally tried this myself. In the health shop where I frequent the owner, who I know very well, showed me an article that she has written to be published in a health magazine. She swears by cannabis oil. It’s very good in aiding sleep and also curbing anxiety. Worth looking into maybe.