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Thread: My citalopram diary - July 2020

  1. #51
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    Aug 2012
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    Re: My citalopram diary - July 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by Aleman200 View Post
    I'm having this exact same issue at the moment, I've been on 20mg for 3 days now and the waking up doesn't get any easier. I try to get up and do something before even attempting to sleep again, most of the time it doesn't work. But I try anyway. Do the calm sleep stories help alot?
    Yes, the Calm sleep stories seem to help a lot, especially now that I'm a few weeks in and the initial heightened anxiety has gone. There's a lot of meditations and relaxation videos on YouTube as well.

    I was OK last night - I didn't wake up feeling anxious and I don't recall having any nightmares either.
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  2. #52
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    Re: My citalopram diary - July 2020

    It's been an awful weekend for me! This morning my Mum had a phone call from the hospital saying they think my grandmother has had a stroke, so they called an emergency ambulance to take her back to the main hospital. This all feels like a setback, and now we're worrying about whether the worst could happen - will she ever make it out of hospital alive? At first we thought that because the hospital staff said my grandmother was still talking, so if she had a stroke, it can't have been a very serious one. Unfortunately we've just had bad news from my aunt (who visited my grandmother this evening) - she said the stroke was worse than they first thought. They know it's a bad stroke and because of her age they said there's no point in putting her through an MRI scan. She can't swallow properly at the moment so that's the big concern.


    I'm in tears at the moment and very worried. They say the next 2 days will be critical.


    I had been getting ready to go out to a café with my mum when we got this phone call, so we didn't go after all.


    Another bad thing that happened is that it was my eldest sister's birthday on Friday, and I'd booked the day off work as holiday to go round hers. But she phoned on Friday morning to say she had a bad cold. We still drove round to give her cards and presents, but we had to talk to her through the lounge window so we don't catch anything. She didn't think it was coronavirus, but as she hadn't been tested, you can never be 100% sure, so we don't want to take any unnecessary risks. This obviously wasn't the birthday celebration we would have wanted.


    Also, I'm worried that coronavirus cases are increasing again, and we might be banned from visiting family members in separate households like we were earlier this year. Ever since I had my anxiety/depression relapse in July, I've found it helpful to visit my sisters for takeaway nights/games nights as it helps take my mind off things. So if I'm not allowed to do that anymore, I'm worried how it could affect my mental health.

    I did manage to get out of the house today after all - I went in a walk to the river with my sister (not the one who has the cold) and we also went to a café where I had a piece of carrot cake and a mint milkshake. This was the one bright spot in an otherwise awful weekend.
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  3. #53
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    Re: My citalopram diary - July 2020

    The last 7 days have been difficult - the hospital staff have said my grandmother's stroke was severe after all, and they can't really do much more for her, so she will have to go into palliative care. She can no longer move her left arm or left leg, so she is essentially bed-bound. My step-dad had been redecorating my grandmother's kitchen while she was in hospital, so it's sad she'll never go home to see it now. We don't know how long she has left, and due to the coronavirus situation we don't know if we'll be able to have much say as to what nursing home she goes into.

    Over the last 3 days, I've felt like some of my anxiety has come back, although it's nowhere near as bad as it was a few weeks ago. I feel like the stress of what's happened to my grandmother has set me back a bit. I get thoughts about life and death, although now I don't really get the associated physical anxiety symptoms (apart from occasional muscle tension), as the medication is blocking them. So now it's just the thoughts and a dull sense of dread. It feels worse because my grandmother is my last surviving grandparent, and when she goes, it will effectively be the end of an entire generation of my family.

    I hope that this anxiety is just a blip and will improve with time.

    In order to help take my mind off things, last night I went tound my sister's house for a Chinese takeaway and we watched the film Groundhog Day.
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