Hi all,
So I've been battling anxiety and depression alone, for many years now. I just keep my feelings to myself, pretend I'm ok and let work always see a smile on my face.
Recently too much had gone on and I didn't realise how bad my depression was until I tried to take my life twice over a period of 2 weeks.
I have seemed councillors now but I just don't want to talk. Right now I don't want to get up, I don't want to get ready, brush my hair nothing.
Life seems pointless and no matter what I do I can't get out of this mindset.
My boyfriend left me on Friday to say he would come.back in 5 days to see how he feels and honestly, I hate and can not deal with the uncertainty.
I'm having to deal with debts from a car that is constantly having issues and I'm sick of hearing from people "sell it" when if I could I would.
My nan relies on me for that car.to get to hospital most weeks as she doesn't like ambulances of buses taxis etc and she has terminal cancer. I owe her to take her to the hospital after all she has done for me
My mum is a raging alcoholic and does nothing but judge me and cause.me grief. If I honestly had a choice for for her.to no longer be in my life is be outta here!!
I don't eat for days on end because I just feel so stressed I either don't think about it or I just simply refuse.
Life right now, is unbearable. I can't take feeling everyday of not eating, feeling such bad thoughts that I don't know how to get rid of that I just think it's the best option to give in and listen to my head...
Worst part is, when I thought my life.coulsnt get any worse a small very painful red lump appeared under my underarm skin last night and I honestly can not bare the doctors right now.
I just want to feel me again, do my hair nice and care about myself. I'm sick of my day to day life being crap. I avoid human contact as much as possible and I refuse to go out. I just want a "life" again...
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