Third time's the charm?..Right?

[Sparkle1984]

This sounds like progress, especially being able to go on holiday. In the first 3 or 4 weeks of taking citalopram, I don't like sleeping away from home - the thought of being anxious on holiday is the worst! I worry that the anxiety will spoil my enjoyment of the holiday, so I'm effectively worried about worrying! Previously, I have been on holiday one or two months after starting citalopram, and even though some of the anxiety has still been there, I still feel like I'm able to get some enjoyment out of the holiday by that point.

[Redsmum]

Day 20 - For the past few days things have been feeling ever-so-slightly better than when i first started citalopram. I still get the chest ache and the calf ache, both of which I have been assured by multiple doctors is absolutely anxiety. I'm coming up to the end of my third week, most of the time Citalopram hasn't kicked in for me until week 4/5 or at least started to so hopefully things will be similar this time. I'm proud of being able to go on holiday for 3 days to York with my partner recently without needing to attend an A&E centre or GP for reassurance. Saying that, during my trip as you can tell from my HA thread, my calf began playing up after walking for extended periods of time, which would then make me focus on it and make the symptoms worse. And sure enough when I was relaxed on the bed and doing other things, the pain died away. I also had an issue where I spat some blood out when brushing my teeth, this also terrified me, despite the fact it's happened before and my dentist told me to brush better. I went out and bought an electric toothbrush and some corsodyl to just be safe. I think this fear came on because COVID has stopped my usual dentist appointments every 6 months.

Today I went for a walk around a woodland path nearby, it took me 40 minutes, and for 30 of it I was walking at a brisk pace and feeling pretty good, as soon as I was driving home I think i had a mild panic attack, my throat felt like it was closing up and my chest pain is back. Part of me is worried I won't ever recover this time round, I have even more fears of things I hadn't even thought of before. To illustrate my point and both sides of the anxiety, I went to the Yorkshire Air Museum with my partner while we were on holiday, I love World War 2 stuff and she's not overly keen but fancied looking at some planes, while we were there it was lovely weather so we sat outside in the picnic area looking at some of the planes. Next to us was an old couple with their grandson having lunch, my first initial thought was "Oh god, i'm so scared of getting old, what if my body breaks down and I can't do anything about it" which I said to my partner, and she just chuckled at me and told me to look at them again, the old guy had gotten up, was walking around and playing with his grandchild while his wife prepared some more lunch, they looked incredibly happy. This really put things into perspective for me.

Once I got back home at mid-day I felt quite tired, I'm not sure if it's from the walking, the anxiety or both. But I'm hoping things will improve soon.

Hi Aleman, its still early days with the Citalopram, we both know its a marathon not a sprint. You’ve done well to be able to enjoy a break with your partner, even now after 2 1/2 months i still don’t feel like going anywhere much. I can’t tell you the amount of holidays/short breaks i’ve been on where i’ve ruined it for myself worrying & fretting over some symptom or other, think thats why i’d rather stay home. Don’t forget getting old is a privilege denied to many & once your there it won’t seem scary at all. You will get there, just believe you can do it.

[Aleman200]

The anxiety in the morning is beginning to feel more..controllable lately. Whether it's down to tthe citalopram or just my mind accepting what I cannot change I can't say but it's welcome nonetheless. I'm due to go up to 20mg soon which i'm feeling a bit worried about incase I have to go through a slew of side effects once more. Obviously I won't know until I try, which I still intend to do. The days are ever so gradually starting to feel a bit better.

The only thing that has stuck with me has been the lack of appetite, I still hear my stomach rumbling and I can eat a small meal when I feel the need to, but I don't have any desire for it.

[Aleman200]

Yesterday took a bit of a swing. Now my appetite is kind of back to the point where i feel hungry almost all the time, even after eating. Lately my intrusive thoughts have been about dying again. I read some posts on here about dealing with death anxiety and although its nice to not feel alone, I just can't shake the fear that I'm going to suddenly die. The only comfort I have is that my parents are fine and live with problems and icr been checked out for various things lately so its doubtful anything will actually happen but it still terrifies me and im not really sure how to shake the fear right now.

[panic_down_under]

The reality of life is that the reaper always wins. You might live to be a 100, or fall under the proverbial bus tomorrow. There's not a lot you can do to change it so you might as well not dwell on it for no amount of worrying will add a nanosecond to your time. Anxiety/stress will likely shorten it.

How do you deal with it? Buggered if I know. But I live mine focussed on the here and now and extracting the maximum enjoyment I can from each and every day. Assume today is your last and live it like it is. Be so busy living that you don't have time to brood about it ending. Sadly, far too many people are so busy dying, just trudging through existence already half-dead, that they never really live.

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a ride!"

Hunter S. Thompson

[Aleman200]

The reality of life is that the reaper always wins. You might live to be a 100, or fall under the proverbial bus tomorrow. There's not a lot you can do to change it so you might as well not dwell on it for no amount of worrying will add a nanosecond to your time. ⁸Anxiety/stress will likely shorten it.

How do you deal with it? Buggered if I know. But I live mine focussed on the here and now and extracting the maximum enjoyment I can from each and every day. Assume today is your last and live it like it is. Be so busy living that you don't have time to brood about it ending. Sadly, far too many people are so busy dying, just trudging through existence already half-dead, that they never really live.

Goodness thats some brilliant advice PDU, thank you. I know its an irrational state of mind because I could technically die by stepping outside and getting hit by a bolt of divine lightning but it doesn't mean I will. Ite hard to filter out that side of my brain, especially when we are surrounded by stories and media of deaths on a daily basis. I no longer fear getting older, I fear not having the chance to get there. And that is something I'm going to mention to my therapist whenever the appointment comes through. I really appreciate your reply PDU. Thank you.

[Sparkle1984]

I personally have found that when I'm doing something productive, or doing something I enjoy, especially with others, I'm less likely to get the intrusive thoughts about dying. Sometimes I can still feel them in the back of my mind, but if I'm happy and really feel like I'm living in the moment, I'm less likely to dwell on them.

I've found that in the last couple of weeks, my motivation and enjoyment of my hobbies has started to come back, so that's made it quite a bit easier.

It's still early days, but last week my therapist suggested setting aside a daily worry time each day, so if you get a worry during the day, you write it down, refocus on what you were doing at the time, and then go back to the worry when the allotted worry period begins. I wrote about it in more detail in my diary thread. I have found this technique helpful so far, and sometimes when the worry period begins, I find it difficult to fill all the time with worries!

[panic_down_under]

I know its an irrational state of mind because I could technically die by stepping outside and getting hit by a bolt of divine lightning but it doesn't mean I will.

If anyone was due to be zapped from above it would be me, but so far so good, although someone standing only about 500 metres from me was killed by lightning during a sudden freak storm a few years ago. I have wondered whether it was meant for me but the deity missed because of a lack of practice. The gods seem not to use lightning bolts much these days. Not like back in the 'good' ol' days when Zeus and Thor chucked them about without a second thought

[Aleman200]

If anyone was due to be zapped from above it would be me, but so far so good, although someone standing only about 500 metres from me was killed by lightning during a sudden freak storm a few years ago. I have wondered whether it was meant for me but the deity missed because of a lack of practice. The gods seem not to use lightning bolts much these days. Not like back in the 'good' ol' days when Zeus and Thor chucked them about without a second thought

This gave me a good laugh! Thanks PDU

Started on 20mg of Citalopram today, haven't felt anything different yet aside from a slight chest tightness, I managed a 50 minute walk/jog today which helped settle them down, hoping things will go well.

[Redsmum]

This gave me a good laugh! Thanks PDU

Started on 20mg of Citalopram today, haven't felt anything different yet aside from a slight chest tightness, I managed a 50 minute walk/jog today which helped settle them down, hoping things will go well.

Hi Aleman, how are you settling in? 20mg citalopram will eventually up the feel good, its good that you managed to get a walk/jog in.