Worried about melanoma at the moment

[O_O]

I spoke to a geneticist, an acquaintance on Facebook.

He said that based on my genome I should see a derm asap and should be monitored regularly. He said it's not that I definitely have or will get melanoma but the combination of rare mutations in my genome make it much more likely than average. This is the advice he gives to women with certain BRCA mutations too.

I feel ok because I already knew this really. And I'm seeing the derm in one week now. I'm also seeing the optician on Friday to check the mole on my retina (this is what scares me most). I have a few on my irises too.

I felt ok today anyway and I went to a barbecue at my godfather's house. I'm also looking to move back to my hometown and I'm looking at houses for sale.

What I am hoping is that I haven't left it too late and that I don't already have melanoma. I've never really looked at most of my moles before so I really wouldn't know if any had changed or new ones had grown. But hopefully it's fine. Then, going forward, I can just monitor closely for any changes and get anything worrying cut out straight away.

My main fear is getting melanoma in an inaccessible place, but I'm trying not to think about it.

[utrocket09]

I spoke to a geneticist, an acquaintance on Facebook.

He said that based on my genome I should see a derm asap and should be monitored regularly. He said it's not that I definitely have or will get melanoma but the combination of rare mutations in my genome make it much more likely than average. This is the advice he gives to women with certain BRCA mutations too.

I feel ok because I already knew this really. And I'm seeing the derm in one week now. I'm also seeing the optician on Friday to check the mole on my retina (this is what scares me most). I have a few on my irises too.

I felt ok today anyway and I went to a barbecue at my godfather's house. I'm also looking to move back to my hometown and I'm looking at houses for sale.

What I am hoping is that I haven't left it too late and that I don't already have melanoma. I've never really looked at most of my moles before so I really wouldn't know if any had changed or new ones had grown. But hopefully it's fine. Then, going forward, I can just monitor closely for any changes and get anything worrying cut out straight away.

My main fear is getting melanoma in an inaccessible place, but I'm trying not to think about it.

So again instead of treating the HA, you are reaching again to an unlikely diagnosis of melanoma and speaking to someone about genetics which most people including yourself don't understand.

[Fishmanpa]

So again instead of treating the HA, you are reaching again to an unlikely diagnosis of melanoma and speaking to someone about genetics which most people including yourself don't understand.

Well... As I've been saying, the pattern is familiar. The cameras to photograph internal parts is just being replaced with a Facebook acquaintance. Not quite as extreme.... Yet....

In the end, what's the big deal if you're at higher risk? At least you would have a game plan. In the end, what if they decide to remove a few moles as I've had done countless times, none of which proved to be of any consequence.

You want to talk about high risk? Two heart attacks, triple bypass, stents and Stage IVa Head and Neck Cancer. I'm a freaking walking time bomb for goodness sakes!... and add COVID-19 to the mix and well....

So forgive me if I don't see this quite the same way as you do. If I'm wrong on this, I'll gladly allow you to spank the entire "Told Ya So Gang"

FMP

[glassgirlw]

This will likely fall on deaf ears, but I’ll chime in anyway.

I think it would extremely beneficial for you to go back and re-read your cervical cancer thread. Like really, really read it, as though you were reading a story about someone else. Then compare the similarities to what you’re posting about here.

sure, you have a genetic mutation or two. Millions of people do. But the parallels I’m seeing between your penchant for researching this melanoma issue, in comparison to the levels of research you did into cervical issues (which turned out to be non-fatal, by the way) are scarily similar. Maybe it will help you to see that the real problem here isn’t the possibility that you may be at a higher risk for melanoma at some point in your lifetime. The real problem is that you allow yourself to fall down rabbit holes that will only exacerbate your HA condition. You think that you’re “preparing” yourself for the worst case scenario by researching, but you’re really not. Because you can’t look at this objectively like a professionally trained medical person can do.

Step away from the research. Do something else, anything else. Find a hobby. Go to your derm appointment and let the professionals handle this and move on with your life - treat the HA.

[O_O]

Thanks guys for your help.

I know you are right and worrying doesn't help anyway.

I don't feel too bad - well, I've certainly felt worse, anyway.

I spoke to my GP and I'm going into the surgery next week for their skin person to take some dermascopy photos which they'll send to the consultant at the hospital. So, I'll see the private derm and also the NHS derm. Attack on both fronts! So I guess there's not much more I can do than that.

My GP said the big one definitely warranted looking at. She said, "hopefully it's nothing but it needs looking at". Not sure what that means.

She asked if it had changed and I said I didn't think so but I'd never really tracked it. I don't THINK it's any bigger than it was say 4 years ago, but I'm not sure about the little 'lump' in the middle. I feel like the central lump may have got darker, or possibly bigger? But I'm honestly not sure.

I'm trying to remember if years ago it might have been totally smooth. Certainly four years ago there was some kind of central, darker 'bump', but before then...?

I'm feeling pretty worried about this particular mole. I keep imagining the doctor looking at it under the dermascope and saying that it looks very suspicious.

I'm not googling, so I don't know about melanoma progression. I don't know if in four years the central lump would have got very obviously bigger and darker if it was bad? Or if it could only recently have gone bad? I know that some melanomas grow slowly so maybe it could have been festering away for years without me really noticing.

So not feeling great about that one atm.

I actually feel too scared to read my cervical cancer thread as it was such a horrible time, and it all ties in with the 'premonition' that I still can't explain, so I just try not to think about it...

[O_O]

I'm feeling a bit sick again thinking about the mole on my retina.

The thing is, last year when I had it checked I was at a new optician so he didn't know whether it had grown or not.

I'm going in on Friday and he'll be able to see if it has grown.

I just feel sick at the moment.

I might ring my old optician tomorrow to find out what size it used to be, then ring my new optician and see what size it was last year.

It could have been growing for two years without me knowing.

At which point it would be too late for eye plaques or proton beam therapy probably.

I feel so ill.

[pulisa]

We have all tried to warn you, Jenny but you are hellbent on pursuing your perceived diagnosis. Of course you will be feeling ill..with overpowering anxiety because you are so way out of your depth here but no one can stop you "researching" and scaring yourself witless.

[O_O]

I feel like I have to get ready for the worst, so that I can prepare myself and I won't be too shocked.

I'm worried that if I'm too shocked I might have another premonition.

I feel like if I prepare for bad news then I can work out a plan, think about what questions to ask, and make sure I'm getting the right treatment. Then, if I'm wrong, it'll just be a great relief.

I just don't want to be tricked or caught off my guard.

[BlueIris]

Better to be caught off guard, I think, than to waste months and years making yourself sick from worry.

[pulisa]

I feel like I have to get ready for the worst, so that I can prepare myself and I won't be too shocked.

I'm worried that if I'm too shocked I might have another premonition.

I feel like if I prepare for bad news then I can work out a plan, think about what questions to ask, and make sure I'm getting the right treatment. Then, if I'm wrong, it'll just be a great relief.

I just don't want to be tricked or caught off my guard.

No medical professional is going to trick you though. That's just your brain going into overdrive and trying to protect you from all eventualities by thinking of every possible worst case scenario..just in case you need the information to arm yourself against disease..whatever good that will do?

But it's pointless to try and reason with you now because you have your agenda. Our concern is your mental health and what all this "preparing for the worst" is doing to it because the lengths you are going to in order to attempt to "safeguard" yourself are worrying.