At my wit's end with insomnia and increased anxiety

[GingerFish]

I've never been a good sleeper but this is the worst insomnia period I've had for a while, the worst since my stepdad died last Christmas. I could feel myself getting stressed over the last few days before insomnia started back up and didn't relax as much as I could or should have so I suppose it's my own doing.

My anxiety reached the peak 3 days ago and since then, I've had only about 7 hours broken sleep since then over 3 days. I keep waking up after half an hour. Days before that I had about 4/5 hours per night. I'm exhausted mentally and physically and feel like I'm about to go mad or something over it.

I know I should accept that I'm "coming down" from stress and insomnia is common and I should relax as much as possible but my god, it's hard. I was panicking about other symptoms I have such as back pain, palps etc but they have all calmed down.

I feel tired enough to sleep but my mind won't shut off and when I do feel close to drifting, some sensation in my back or chest wakes me up and I'm back to square one, it feels like. Other than the tiredness and worry about insomnia, I feel a lot better during the day than I did a few days ago but I feel awful at bed time. Just looking at my bed makes my stomach and heart drop. It feels like climbing Everest would be easier than falling asleep right now.

I'm trying my hardest to counteract all the bad and irrational thoughts like "I'll never sleep again! I can't cope!" With more positive ones like "I've been here before. I'll be ok. I'm one day closer to having a better sleep pattern" but the hope just isn't sticking at the moment. Just feel so defeated and lost. One minute I have hope, courage and logic and the next I'm crying and debating whether to call the crisis team or something out of utter helplessness.

I've got a phone call appt with my mental health team in 2 days, hoping maybe that will help. Maybe talking will help? I've been talking to my family and they've been supportive but none of them have insomnia. They think it's just a cause of I'm not trying hard enough to sleep.

Anyone else had bad insomnia spells? Honestly feels never ending.

[BlueIris]

Sorry you're having such an awful time.

What commitments do you have to meet right now? It's perfectly okay to just make a nest on the sofa and watch box sets while you drift in and out.

[GingerFish]

Other than my mental health assessment over the phone tomorrow and my eye test on Wednesday, I don't have anything concrete on this week. Maybe moving to the couch for a while is a good idea. Too many bad feelings about bed atm

[BlueIris]

Exactly. I know it's tough, but try to stop worrying about sleep and focus on doing whatever's comfortable. Resting up is absolutely better than nothing when you can't sleep.

[GingerFish]

Thanks for your replies today. It's been a long day but I'm hoping that my panic/anxiety has reached its peak now. Shortly after making this thread, I was so agitated and worried about not sleeping, that I called up the Samaritans for the first time ever and then they recommended I made an appt with my GP which I did and saw him first thing in the morning. He just said I should be fine in a week and was just having an acute stress episode and to try and stick to a routine and relax as much as possible. I was then ok for an hour or so after that and then it all built up again and I called the crisis team. Touch wood, I've been ok since talking to them.

I still haven't slept properly yet. I went for a bath, had a hot choc and sprayed lavender spray all over my bed and within 5 mins, I was kind of drifting and jolting but all I got was about 20/30 mins of sleep, just the same as last night. Can't stop yawning now at least. Hoping that's a good sign my body will finally sleep properly soon.

My back and chest tightness is almost gone, it's just insomnia now that's really still here.

[NoraB]

I'm trying my hardest to counteract all the bad and irrational thoughts like "I'll never sleep again! I can't cope!" With more positive ones like "I've been here before. I'll be ok.
.

Exactly!

Your brain will do what you tell it to do. It might be slow to get the positive messages at first but keep doing it and it will. All things pass - that's what I tell myself during those cliff-hanging moments.