Tuned in to heart all the time . . . .
Been having a really rough time lately. I have tried to keep my anxiety behind me but it is catching me up when I least expect it.
For those of you that don't know me I am a regular 'read only' member with occasional postings on Lisa's 'Life of a Country Quirk' thread.
I began with panics about my heart about 6 years ago, after witnessing a man die in a supermarket - it was a massive 3rd heart attack. I took cirpramil for a couple of years and then gradually weaned off them. Then after a year my panics came back - mostly focussed on heart but with helpings of dizziness and unable to catch my breath. Cipralex really helped this time. Been off all meds for over a year now but I can feel the anxiety level rising.
As a Christian I turn to my faith and the power of prayer and I do find it really helps to re-focus my thinking and realisation that no matter how much I would like to be in control of my body - I am in His hands.
However, a few weeks ago I ended up having an ECG, blood test and Chest X-Ray following pain in the heart area. Needless to say all tests were normal. One thing keeps nagging me though - the Nurses/Docs kept on commenting on my fast pulse - 138. Whilst hooked up to the monitor for 2 hours it never seemed to drop (although I am sure I didn't help things by constantly checking the reading !) The Doc was happy that ECG/ blood was fine and said the racing pulse was Anxiety related. - Surprise, Surprise.
Now I find throughout the day and more so - the Night I am tuning into my heart and noticing every bump, race, missed beat etc. I wake often through the night to it going like the clappers. I am not sure whether the shock of waking is stimulating it or whether the racing heart is what wakens me? I just know it frightens me.
I resent Anxiety robbing me of my inner peace that I have slowly gathered over the last couple of years so this half-term I have gone out and about with my son and tried to push forward but I really feel 'on the edge'.
I visited my Surgery yesterday and saw a Doc I haven't seen before. She was very abrupt and matter of fact and basically said ' What do you hope to get out of today's visit?' I said re-assurance and maybe to consider beta-blockers ? Suffice it to say I left feeling worse and the receptionist noticed I was upset and to cut a long story short I am returning tomorrow to see my usual Doctor. Note - I have only been to docs 3 times in last 12 months so it's not like I am always on their doorstep.
So what do I hope to achieve from posting today?
I think I would just like to know that others ' Wake through the night with a racing heart- almost a quivering feeling - If so How do you deal with it? '
Thanks for reading my post
Love Dawn x
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'Hold me close, let Your love surround me, bring me near, draw me to Your side; And as I wait, I'll rise up like the eagle, and I will soar with You; Your spirit leads me on, In the power of Your Love.'