Struggling with aftermath of high anxiety and panic attacks

[GingerFish]

For the last week, my general anxiety and panic attacks as well as insomnia have been at their worst. It all reached a head 3 days ago when things were so bad that I called the crisis team twice, saw my GP and called the Samaritans all in one day. I've finally slept since then after taking a propranolol for the first time and since Monday when the worst day was, I've managed to sleep, go out and even managed to go to my eye test alone yesterday. Don't know how the hell I managed that. I panicked like a good 'un but I done it.

I can't shake off this weird feeling though. It feels more than just normal mental/physical tiredness I'd get after a huge panic attack or stressful period. I find it hard to remember things or concentrate. I tried to cook yesterday and for about 10 secs, I forgot how to cook mince even though I had made it twice last week and a million times in the past. This really freaked me out. Made me worry I was having a stroke or my brain was broken. All I can seem to remember are things relating to how bad my 'meltdown' was a few days ago. It's all I can think of. I keep getting spasms of fear/depression in the pit of my stomach and it feels overwhelming. I've had this feeling better in a bad spell and it's horrible. It's worse than the panic attacks that brought it on. It feels never ending.

I'm trying to distract myself as much as possible but even when I'm out for a walk, playing a game etc - it's always on my mind - scared I'm going to get that bad again, scared that I am losing my memory and I'll never be able to do simple things like cook again, scared this weird feeling I have now will never go, scared I'll never feel love again for my flat, cats and husband - the things that usually give me so much joy but I can't feel any of it at the moment. I keep trying to tell myself I'm just burned out and to think of this like the after math of a migraine, when your mind just doesn't feel right. My anxiety told me I wouldn't make it through Monday night or be able to go to my optician appt yesterday - I know anxiety lies and I'm glad I can at least glimpse at that but my god it's hard to remain positive. One min I am thinking rationally then the next I'm back to square one.

Anyone else been like this after a huge panic attack or bad anxiety spell? Just feel so alone with it all. One thing I'm coping ok with is the physical symptoms I have. When my heart starts to pound, or my gut churns I can remind myself it's just leftover anxiety but I hate the mental/emotional feelings. They feel suffocating

[ankietyjoe]

Hey.

Sorry to hear it's like this for you right now.

And a big 'affirmative' from me. I remember days/weeks like that when I was at my worst.

The cognitive effects were the worst, and what I experienced does mirror what you're experienced now. I used to describe it to my misses as though a portion of my brain had been removed. I still had the bit that allowed me to breathe and stand, but I have no idea how to walk or talk any more. That kind of thing.

All I can offer is the idea that it will pass. It sounds like you have a good grasp on coping mechanisms, but I feel that the lack of sleep is probably the biggest contributing factor to this.

[GingerFish]

Thanks for your reply. That is exactly it! Definietly feels like some part of your brain has been physically removed or shut down and you feel like it will never work or come back again. Its so hard to remember that anxiety lies. My husband can't grasp how I can still be scared of panic attacks despite knowing they aren't harmful. Even with my biology degree, knowledge of the human body and god knows how many panic attacks in the past I've had, its so much easier said than done to not take what a panic makes you feel or think as gospel. I am getting better at dealing with the panics and seeing them for what they are but some are easier than others to deal with and the other day, it was just one after another and then insomnia on top. I only got about 7 hours sleep over 4 days on top of having constant anxiety and frequent panics. It was absolute hell.

One of my worries today was squashed. I managed to cook a proper meal that took over an hour and had little to no anxiety while cooking but it all hit me when I started eating but at least I showed myself that cooking can and will go back to normal once my nerves settle down more. Hoping tomorrow maybe one of my others worries will get squashed - watching TV with my husband. Just can't focus on anything I haven't already seen atm and just keep watching old repeats of stuff alone. We're in the middle of a new show and I am itching to get back to it but if it doesn't happen tomorrow, there's always the next day. I don't want to force myself to do something just to see if I can, especially if its something to do with leisure and something I enjoy normally. Same goes for reading. I can't wait to read again but every time I try and pick up a book right now, I am lucky if I get through one page.

[ankietyjoe]

Yeah it's hard, but I think the focus must be on sleep/rest.

Even somebody that doesn't experience anxiety will be a complete mess on 7 hours sleep over a few days.

Something I found very useful was to get out in the daylight as early as possible in the day. There is something to do with the body sensing daylight early in the day in terms of resetting the hormonal body clock. On top of that it's about getting some exercise during the day (nothing more than a brisk walk for you at this point I feel) and practising the relaxation techniques you use, in whatever capacity you can. I think those 'come down' techniques between the peaks of panic are particularly effective over time. They were for me (meditation in my case) anyway.

[GingerFish]

Thanks again for your replies. Means the world to have someone to talk to who knows exactly what it's like. Glad you're on the other side from it all now. Hopefully I will be one day too.

I had a good few days but last night wasn't so good. Yesterday it was a week since my y worst anxiety day last week and it was playing on my mind and my anxiety was sky high especially at night and I ended up not sleeping at all because of it. I've managed to not panic about it as much as I did last week. As much as I feel like crap mentally and physically right now, I'm reminding myself that I was much worse last week and bounced back quickly and that it's only natural for my mind to remember just how bad last week was and for it to trigger high anxiety. It doesn't mean I've slipped back, it's just a blip. I'm planning to take a propranolol to sleep tonight. I'm going to call the MH base later to see when I can take one after I had co codamol earlier for a headache. Hopefully that will help me sleep tonight for my glasses pick up tomorrow. If I can make it to my eye test last week after 3 days of even worse anxiety than last night then I can get through this

[NoraB]

I can't shake off this weird feeling though. It feels more than just normal mental/physical tiredness I'd get after a huge panic attack or stressful period. I find it hard to remember things or concentrate. I tried to cook yesterday and for about 10 secs, I forgot how to cook mince even though I had made it twice last week and a million times in the past. This really freaked me out. Made me worry I was having a stroke or my brain was broken.

You've actually just described how I felt when I was taking propranolol after a major panic attack which saw me ambulanced to A&E. I ended up having to come off them because the way they made me feel was worse than the attack itself..