I don't feel like myself anymore. Last few days I've felt completely empty and low, the lowest I've felt in years honestly. I've had depression since I was around 14/15, now I'm 32 and the last few days have been building up (or down you could say), into this dark, empty place where I can't sleep, I don't enjoy anything at all, not even eating. I feel like I'm either going to scream or burst into tears, all I want to do is run away to a quiet place where no one can talk to me, where I don't have to talk or listen to anything. My insides feel torn apart, like I'm fighting myself. I'm exhausted.

Sometimes I stare in the mirror and don't know who I'm looking at, as though I'm completely detached from the person looking at me. Today has been the worst day, after a draining argument with my mum, and my dad not paying attention to social distance (even though he worse a mask, he was still too close to the man talking to him), it's taking a toll on me having to care for my parents 24/7 and no one cares about what their doing. I've absolutely no where to go to escape, I've no friends where I live, so I'm isolated.

The weight of everything is crushing me inside and out. I don't even look like I use too, my hair, skin, face, all feels older, worn thin. I can't honestly remember what it felt like to be happy, it's been years. But this last few days have felt worse, as if it were all being drained out of me.

I don't know how to describe this, or how it really feels. I just know this feels different than how my depression normally feels. Bottom of the pit kind of way. I can't find any comfort either, no one wants to understand, so I'm left alone as if I'm on a small empty island while people are passing on a ship, waving but not really caring.

I don't know what I'm suppose to do anymore.