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Thread: Dark feelings

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
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    16,747

    Re: Dark feelings

    Yes it must be a huge relief..You must feel totally liberated and free to be yourself and be accepted as yourself. Look what benefits you are bringing to this forum with your refreshingly honest and heartfelt responses to people's issues and your wonderful insight which the professionals can never emulate in a million years!

    I have learned a lot about autism over the decades but I could never have dealt with all the angst and pain you have gone through, Nora. I'm glad I can be there for my adult children who desperately need the understanding and support which you never had.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,918

    Re: Dark feelings

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    Yes it must be a huge relief..You must feel totally liberated and free to be yourself and be accepted as yourself. Look what benefits you are bringing to this forum with your refreshingly honest and heartfelt responses to people's issues and your wonderful insight which the professionals can never emulate in a million years!
    Thank you!

    Liberated, yes. Accepted? Not by everybody. When I came out the closet as autistic, I soon found out who was with me and who wasn't. People who I'd 'talked to' for years on social media suddenly disappeared. My brother (he's gay- therefore he should know how it feels to be different) can't cope with my diagnosis, and won't talk about it. My step-daughter cut me out of her life completely. But at least I am left with people who do accept me. I have learned that too many people don't understand autism. For some, I'm nothing like 'Rainman' so how can I be autistic? You know? But at 50 years of age with a chronic health condition and mental health issues - I choose not to let all that bother me. If I am well acquainted with one thing - it's rejection. The difference being that I don't let it bother me now - it's one perk of getting older.

    I have learned a lot about autism over the decades but I could never have dealt with all the angst and pain you have gone through, Nora. I'm glad I can be there for my adult children who desperately need the understanding and support which you never had.
    I have a back story that most people wouldn't want, but it's given me the drive to make sure that my son's story doesn't mirror mine, and that he does have the support that wasn't there for me. He's the happiest kid I know, and that makes me happy. I'd go for it all again to give him a better life.

    You come across as very loving and caring parent, pulisa - I think you're children are very lucky to have you.
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Posts
    6,054

    Re: Dark feelings

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    Autistic people are vulnerable. People sense it and exploit it. I've been abused by numerous people - physically and mentally. I also put myself in positions of danger without understanding what I was doing or the other person's intentions. How I survived the 80s unharmed, I'll never know!

    Here's the thing about Rainman...

    It was 'the' film which brought autism out of the shadows, but it was actually based on a man (Kim Peek) who was initially diagnosed autistic, but was later thought to have FG Syndrome. Kim was a savant. He could do some funky stuff like speed reading a massive book in an hour and reading the left page with his left and eye and the right with his right eye - at the same time! I'm a fast reader, but I can't do that! In reality, only a small percentage of autistic people are savant, so the film might have shoved autism out of the closet, but along with it came a shit load of stereotyping with people basing their opinion on autism, and whether or not someone is autistic, based on a film that's now over 30 years old, and the geezer wasn't even autistic!

    My son knew the entire 12 times table at 4 years of age. The school thought they had a math genius on their hands, but I knew that the little dude has an excellent photographic memory, as do I. He'd simply memorised them because numbers was his obsession at the time!

    When it comes to hidden autistics, I really do think that there are a lot more of us than the stats suggest, and they are only ever estimated. There are a lot of people who self-diagnosed for a start - and autism isn't a life choice, so I take those people into account whereas some autistics come out with such crap as, 'No diagnosis, not autistic' - which is epically stupid as someone is autistic or they're not. Other people might not even know (or suspect) they are autistic, but I'd bet on them being considered by others to be 'eccentric, odd, weird, reclusive or 'quirky'. I think we are everywhere lol - especially now the powers that be have recognised that autism is a spectrum.

    I quite like busting those autistic myths, such as we don't have imagination... I have a very vivid imagination, and that's why I developed HA! Or that we have no sense of humour. Or no empathy. No empathy? Are you kidding me? I can't pass roadkill without my heart breaking! But because everything is happening on the inside of me, people make a judgement call - and it's generally the wrong one.

    In keeping with the Rainman theme - I am crap at maths. So crap that it's a learning disability known as Dyscalculia. I literally broke my maths teacher at school!!

    My 'thing' was, and still is - music. Specialist area - the 80s where it has been said that my responses in quizzes were (and still can be) machinelike. The reason the 80s is my strongest decade is that music kept me going through high school when the bullying was most prolific. I lost myself in music. I absorbed it like a sponge. I read music magazines and every detail on album covers and it's because I was so focused that I have this knowledge - nothing to do with savants. This is how it works with autistic people. You show me an autistic person and there will be at least one obsession, and how this differs to NTs is that these obsessions are crucial for our mental health. Possibly another area where I differ from 'the norm' is that I have to know everything about things. If I watch a film, I have to research every actor, and everything about the film -including where it was made. Hubs says, 'why can't you just watch the damn film?' I also can't leave a cinema until the credits have ended. I'm always the last one sat there - which bugs the cleaners no end! I obsess about things and people, but not in a creepy way lol.

    Actually, I would trawl through Tom Hardy's bins given the opportunity.

    Or Kate Bush's...

    Full disclosure, I had a major crush on an animated character (Shredder from the Mutant Turtles) I was in my early 20s at the time, and this earned me a tick in a box during my autism assessment lol

    Pulisa, washing machines are quite a common interest with autistic kids. Loo roll is a new one on me though lol. My son has had numerous special interests but currently he can name every Pokemon there is and there are hundreds! It's rapid fire response and he can tell me everything about them - because it's his thing. He's also into memes at the moment, so he speaks in meme - he will come in and say stuff like, 'When you look in the bread bin and there are no brioche.... and he does it with literally everything! I love how happy his inner world makes him. I remember that feeling - just about.
    I went through absolute hell on earth at a residential school I attended in the West Mids in 1986-88 where I was constantly punished and humiliated by staff over my personal traits, and was regularly smacked and called names by those losers of staff members who worked there. I almost always used to get blamed for farting there as well and called a 'stinker' by both staff and other pupils, especially as the staff there often refused to let me go to the toilet!!

    Bullying has always been rife in many schools and there have even been teachers who have not only turned a blind eye to it but have actually encouraged it, and even sided with some of the serial bullies. In fact, some teachers have even been known to be sadistic bullies and abusers themselves, especially the legendary 'Mr. Hicks'- type PE teachers, who were more than slipper-happy!

    In fact, there have even been tales of kids being punished and ridiculed for vomiting at school, especially as a consequence of being denied toilet visits. Little wonder there are so many emetophobics around!!
    Last edited by Lencoboy; 20-09-20 at 14:45.

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