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Thread: Gay and in denial? Down the rabbit hole?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    173

    Gay and in denial? Down the rabbit hole?

    I feel like I can’t get a break recently and I’ve had one worry after another. I’d been single for 3 years and got back out there the end of last year and dated someone for a month but that ended and then in May this year I started seeing my current boyfriend and couldn’t have been happier and now I feel my ocd is ruining that happiness.

    I first started thinking what if he is gay and I’m in a relationship with one sided feeling? I’ve never been with someone who put in so much effort and who I’ve done so much with and gone so many places in such a short amount of time. I never thought I could ever feel like that this about someone again and then I get that thought. I had this with my last boyfriend 3 years ago also after a dream he was gay and I had nothing to base this on also.

    Then I had a thought after seeing a drinking ad that sex while drinking means you can’t give consent and I’ve had sex so much with my boyfriend while he was sober and I was drunk so I was thinking was I raped even though I know that’s stupid now.

    The worst of all is now I’m worrying I’m a lesbian and I’m lying to myself. During the 3 years I was single I never found anyone I liked and was convinced I wouldn’t like anyone again and maybe I wasn’t straight and that was why? I joined tinder for maybe an hour and swiped for girls and realised I didn’t actually want that and never had previously thought about girls sexually and still don’t. I’ve kissed my friends whilst drunk when I was younger but not in a sexual way but I always find girls attractive more in an admiration way so I’m worrying now I’m in denial and I’m in fact gay and lying to myself. I’ve watched lesbian porn to see if I like it and I don’t know if I do but I’ve never had the urge to have sex with women and any fantasies I have are with men. I feel so guilty because my boyfriend is so good to me i am afraid I might ruin it. Any advice would be welcomed.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    173

    Re: Gay and in denial? Down the rabbit hole?

    I just want to add I’m not homophobic in the slightest I have both gay and bisexual friends it’s not something I’ve ever been less than accepting of just incase it comes across as so.

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