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Thread: Gay and in denial? Down the rabbit hole?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2018

    Gay and in denial? Down the rabbit hole?

    I feel like I canít get a break recently and Iíve had one worry after another. Iíd been single for 3 years and got back out there the end of last year and dated someone for a month but that ended and then in May this year I started seeing my current boyfriend and couldnít have been happier and now I feel my ocd is ruining that happiness.

    I first started thinking what if he is gay and Iím in a relationship with one sided feeling? Iíve never been with someone who put in so much effort and who Iíve done so much with and gone so many places in such a short amount of time. I never thought I could ever feel like that this about someone again and then I get that thought. I had this with my last boyfriend 3 years ago also after a dream he was gay and I had nothing to base this on also.

    Then I had a thought after seeing a drinking ad that sex while drinking means you canít give consent and Iíve had sex so much with my boyfriend while he was sober and I was drunk so I was thinking was I raped even though I know thatís stupid now.

    The worst of all is now Iím worrying Iím a lesbian and Iím lying to myself. During the 3 years I was single I never found anyone I liked and was convinced I wouldnít like anyone again and maybe I wasnít straight and that was why? I joined tinder for maybe an hour and swiped for girls and realised I didnít actually want that and never had previously thought about girls sexually and still donít. Iíve kissed my friends whilst drunk when I was younger but not in a sexual way but I always find girls attractive more in an admiration way so Iím worrying now Iím in denial and Iím in fact gay and lying to myself. Iíve watched lesbian porn to see if I like it and I donít know if I do but Iíve never had the urge to have sex with women and any fantasies I have are with men. I feel so guilty because my boyfriend is so good to me i am afraid I might ruin it. Any advice would be welcomed.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2018

    Re: Gay and in denial? Down the rabbit hole?

    I just want to add Iím not homophobic in the slightest I have both gay and bisexual friends itís not something Iíve ever been less than accepting of just incase it comes across as so.

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