So this was my first proper week back with the children at school, they are all in bubbles and it’s working well. Anyway, on the first of sept during our teacher training, one of my colleagues got a phone call to say her 12 year old daughter (a girl at our school) had collapsed whilst being at a theme park. I was with the lady when she got the call and she then got a second call to say the girl had suffered a second cardiac arrest and they were trying to bring her back to life. You can imagine the reaction. The voice of the lady saying her daughter had gone again keeps playing over and over in my head, I can’t sleep or concentrate. Anyway we were all told on weds the girls life support was Switched off and she’s no longer with us. Heartbroken is an understatement. It puts things into perspective for me, all my worries but the pain of my knee and part swelling is making me wonder if I should have done more, am I going to be unlucky like this 12 year old girl and eventually if it’s a tumour or clots, I’ll die. I’m scared I’m living In fear and am stuck with what to do. I had a private scan which showed a bakers cyst and synovial fluid, she Offered to drain it another day and the pain should subside. I went to my dr, explained what was going on and he said he didn’t want anything drained as if they entered the wrong way, it could cause a lot of damage. I then went back months later to say no change and he said ok MRI with dye. Due to Covid I never got the mri but when googling have dye is to detect tumours. When I google again it says it detects inflammation. I don’t know wether my is trying to tell me it’s something really bad but wouldn’t the ultrasound have shown that! My sister said why did I have to go back to the dr for more reassurance, why didn’t I get it drained when the lady at the private clinic offered to do it. Why have I not believed her? Instead I sit here day in day out, every minute of every day thinking ‘my dr suspects something more’
‘I don’t want to know the truth’
My sister thinks I need help with my health anxiety then deal with my knee but I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Sorry for the long message but it’s been a tough week and I’m full of emotion