Nora, I totally agree the real work is in therapy. I also agree that sometimes medication is needed to help the sufferer to get a better place for therapy to work. But ultimately, even with input from the professionals, it is a personal choice. They can be recommended and prescribed but its up to the individual to follow the advice and medication guidelines. Unless you're sectioned, no one can make you take them.
Most here have had to make such a choice. Some, like yourself, couldn't tolerate the side effects and it made things worse. Some just plain refuse and some, while suffering some minor symptoms, benefit. Personally, when I was suffering from depression after my illnesses, the meds proved helpful in addition to therapy. Meds also proved helpful after my cancer and dealing with "scanxiety". When my wife was in the hospital for three months, I thank goodness for the Xanax!
There are some here that have taken the dragon by the horns and had the inner fortitude and discipline to dig themselves out of the rabbit hole without meds. I look at mental illness like other illnesses and physical issues in that it can be treated with medication, hard work and discipline. My doctor said to me when I was complaining about how many pills I take a day..
"Be thankful we live in an age where a pill can prolong and improve your quality of life". I look at the meds as an addition to the work it takes to recover
(physically or mentally).
Sorry... long winded...
Bottom line is do what you have to do to get better. At 61 with real health issues, my mortality is imminent and the reality of how fast time is passing
(2020 has been a blur!) is becoming more evident every day. We all deserve peace and happiness and we should pursue the things that get us there... My signature says it perfectly...
Positive thoughts