Hey friends. I'm feeling discouraged and disappointed today. This pandemic has really been a roller coaster of emotions for me, but disappointment is ruling the day today. Six years ago I started a freelance career after quitting my job following the birth of my daughter. I'm so incredibly proud of myself for building what became a very successful and lucrative writing job from absolutely nothing in the midst of paralyzing postpartum anxiety. For the past 2 years I've had an incredible client who I absolutely love. My daughter started Kindergarten last fall and I started law school. I felt alive again in a way I hadn't since becoming a mother. I was working 20 hours a week as a writer and killing it at law school while my daughter thrived in school. Then, Covid. In the past six months many areas of my life have suffered, but nothing more so than my work. I just didn't have the mental energy after everything else and it was giving me so much anxiety feeling like I was letting them down.

Today I finally emailed them to say I couldn't take any work right now. I'm sure I'll be able to maintain contact and hopefully work with them again in the future, but I just feel a bit gutted. I'm back in law school and also homeschooling my 1st grader. While homeschooling is much better than the virtual school option and I value this time with my daughter, it's not something I ever wanted to be doing. Fall coming back around is also just making me feel sad about what's been lost. Last fall was such an incredible, exciting, and personally fulfilling time. Now, I'm taking Zoom classes 4 nights a week and being a first grade teacher. A good friend of mine moved to Utah and the last time I saw her was March 10. Right after the pandemic started, my daughter asked if she'd still be able to go trick or treating and I said - of course! it will be over by then. And, here we are.

I'm just feeling kind of bogged down today.