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Thread: Getting to sleep

  1. #1

    Getting to sleep

    Morning everyone. Can anyone relate to this? It took me till well after 3 to sleep last night because for a few weeks Iíve been getting these horrible feelings. You know when you fall asleep and your body jolts and you get a feeling with it like a shock feeling, Iím getting that but without the jolt. Itís horrible. Iím trying to ignore it when it happens but it just keeps going. I suppose it has to do with stress as I have a lot of that and will have for the foreseeable. Iím cari g for my husband who has Alzheimerís and I begrudge it , why because he was a serial cheater, we live together in the same house and Iíve taken on the caring role because thereís no one else. Financially I canít move out. I also care for my mum, Iím an only child sheís 87 and shared caring for my mother in law. Everybody wants a piece of me. If I could sleep Iíd cope better but this is so horrible. Has anyone had experience of this? 😊

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    4,852

    Re: Getting to sleep

    I'm so very sorry, that's completely unfair. I wish I could offer more advice, but all I can suggest is chatting to your GP to see if respite care can be arranged to see if you can get the break you so richly deserve.

    Thinking of you.
    __________________
    ************************************************** ********
    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    834

    Re: Getting to sleep

    Quote Originally Posted by Angibec View Post
    Morning everyone. Can anyone relate to this? It took me till well after 3 to sleep last night because for a few weeks Iíve been getting these horrible feelings. You know when you fall asleep and your body jolts and you get a feeling with it like a shock feeling, Iím getting that but without the jolt. Itís horrible. Iím trying to ignore it when it happens but it just keeps going. I suppose it has to do with stress as I have a lot of that and will have for the foreseeable. Iím cari g for my husband who has Alzheimerís and I begrudge it , why because he was a serial cheater, we live together in the same house and Iíve taken on the caring role because thereís no one else. Financially I canít move out. I also care for my mum, Iím an only child sheís 87 and shared caring for my mother in law. Everybody wants a piece of me. If I could sleep Iíd cope better but this is so horrible. Has anyone had experience of this? 
    Body 'zaps' are common with anxiety, and you are under an enormous amount of stress!

    It's wildly unfair that you are trapped looking after a man who doesn't deserve your care, but if you are bound financially, and you cannot physically remove yourself, then you have to do it mentally or you will need looking after!

    You also need to be supported. You might be an only child, but is there any other family who could step in and help? Failing that, have you tried Citizens Advice? Or speak to your GP and make him/her aware of the stress that you are under. They may be able to help you?

    I am sorry that your husband hurt you. I understand that, unfortunately. But bitterness will only harm you. I know you can't forget what he did to you, and nothing can excuse his behaviour, but the reality is that he is not that person anymore, and his illness makes him vulnerable. The best thing you can do for you is to forgive him and let the past go. It serves no purpose now - except to flood your body with stress hormones.

    You've got to be tougher, and learn to ask for help, and also to say no occasionally. Everyone want's a piece of you but that doesn't mean that you have to give it all away. Self-care is important because if you become poorly and exhausted, you can't look after anybody, right?

    You have enough on your plate with your husband and your own mother. Let your husband's family look after his mother. That's one less stress, and one less body zap, you get me?
    __________________
    There is a light. There is. Look for it. Look for it shining over your shoulder, on the past. It was light where you went once. It is light where you are now. It will be light, where you will go again. ~ Jennifer Worth

  4. #4

    Re: Getting to sleep

    Thank you to you both for your replies. Means a lot. I am waiting for a GP to call this afternoon so I can explain my situation. For my mam there is nobody else to take over, mam only had one sister who died about 10 years ago and cousins live away. Body zap about sums it up to be honest but for me itís mostly in my head. I try to put my feelings about him to one side or try and lock it away but unfortunately I still have the key and it gets opened a lot. Itís trying to keep it shut permanently that I need to focus on. Iím just tired of trying to keep it together. To do it all. All 3 of them acknowledge what I do for them and my husband tryís to give me time on my own but then forgets he has said it and follows me round. Iíll hopefully get some help from outside sources but your replies have helped me. Thank you again. X

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    834

    Re: Getting to sleep

    Quote Originally Posted by Angibec View Post
    I try to put my feelings about him to one side or try and lock it away but unfortunately I still have the key and it gets opened a lot. It’s trying to keep it shut permanently that I need to focus on.
    Have you ever sought help for what happened to you? Have you ever had any counselling? Because, you can't 'lock' stuff like this away and it be ok. Emotional abuse is just as toxic as physical. If you haven't already, talk to someone neutral (as in a therapist) and get it all out. You don't need to be actively trying to to 'unlock' a memory - a song, a smell or a million and one things can trigger emotions and memories that you don't want to have -in the same way that they can evoke happy ones.

    Maybe write your husband a letter that he will never see? Doing this can be very cathartic, and it's for your benefit.

    Whatever you do, don't suppress this because it will find a way out.

    All the very best to you. X
    __________________
    There is a light. There is. Look for it. Look for it shining over your shoulder, on the past. It was light where you went once. It is light where you are now. It will be light, where you will go again. ~ Jennifer Worth

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