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Thread: WHY?! Terrified AGAIN but over actual symptoms. I really need rational minds.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
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    WHY?! Terrified AGAIN but over actual symptoms. I really need rational minds.

    **MS ANXIETY TRIGGER WARNING**

    Hello guys!

    I don't know about you but I currently feel like it's one thing after another with my HA flare ups at the moment. I was doing really well but the past couple of months have seen me diagnose myself with all sorts, all because of what are probably normal strange things about my human body and not something that other people would even think twice about. I've found my behaviour has been a lot more obsessive lately and this is showing up during my HA flairs.
    The current worry I have is MS, but due to two things that I've noticed recently, please bear with me.
    So to begin with, MS is not something I've ever actually had anxiety over, nor do I know much about it, or atleast I didn't until tonight!! A few evenings ago I noticed my right pupil was ever so slightly larger than my left when i'm in dimmer lighting or my bathroom. I of course freaked the f**k out. I have done light tests and all sorts, everything reacts well, both pupils constrict in unison in bright light and they both dilate together too, but my right pupil dilates slightly (SLIGHTLY) more than my left. I looked back on old Facebook pictures, the oldest being 11 years ago, making me 21 at the time and it seems this has always been there? It's only obvious in certain lighting, in bright sunshine or pics with flashes my pupils are the same small size. So that's my first issue of the week.

    My second issue which has now basically cemented the fact that I have MS (or a brain tumor, who knows!) in my mind is a little more lengthy. About a month and a half ago I woke up from a nap and had the weirdest double vision. I freaked out and after about 20 minutes (felt like two years) it adjusted itself back to normal. I kept rubbing my eye which did not help and I actually think that maybe the first time was just in one eye? At the time I felt like I'd scratched my eyeball. Anyway, fast forward to Saturday just gone, I'd not experienced this since, however I woke up from a nap again and had the exact same thing, deffo binocular (only when both eyes were open) this time as when I covered each individual eye my vision was fine. This adjusted even quicker this time, in about 30 seconds. Still freaked me out.
    So of course I have been googling the pupil (even though I can see it on very very old pictures!) ignoring this fact and acting like it's acute (although I've never noticed it until now) and have ended up reading about MS and binocular vision disturbances AND MS with pupil differences. I have both!
    To be simple: I have noticed one pupil is slightly larger than the other, seems to have always been the case, pupils are reactive.
    I have woken up with weird vision twice in 6 weeks, one time definitely binocular, the other time may have been just one eye, and both times it cleared up pretty quickly. 20 minutes first time and 30 seconds second time.
    No other symptoms whatsoever. FREAKING OUT.
    Last week I thought my TMJ was a sinister issue, that's now resolved itself. Last night I randomly had rabies and two weeks about I had stomach cancer.
    The joys.
    I suppose I'm looking for rational minds, nice chats, support and info on if anyone else had been through this horrendous MS anxiety/ have different sized pupils/woken up with weird vision.
    The vision thing is scaring me because Dr Google says if it's only there when both eyes are open it is more likely to do with the brain and not the eye. Why can't it just be dry eye. I'm annoyed at myself and also terrified. Every singe thing this past few months has been from real symptoms but none of them have come to anything. I am scared this will become an obsession for a while due to it all being eye related!!!! Argh.
    Help :(

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
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    797

    Re: WHY?! Terrified AGAIN but over actual symptoms. I really need rational minds.


    The few evenings ago I noticed my right pupil was ever so slightly larger than my left when i'm in dimmer lighting or my bathroom.
    When a health physician checks your pupils, it's generally by shining a safe, but bright, light into your eyes - not standing in the bathroom mirror, at night, and in crap lighting. You will absolutely get anomalies in pupil size under these circumstances.

    Even if your pupil is ever so slightly bigger then the other - the most likely reason is Physiological Anisocoria - which affects up to 30% of the population, is not harmful and requires no treatment.

    My second issue which has now basically cemented the fact that I have MS (or a brain tumor, who knows!) in my mind is a little more lengthy. About a month and a half ago I woke up from a nap and had the weirdest double vision.
    I get this and I don't have a brain tumour or MS. It can be your eyes adjusting to the light or it can be down to anxiety or a combo of both.

    If you think anxiety can't play games with your eyes, think again. Google 'anxiety and eye issues' and educated yourself.
    (yeah, Google can work for us, instead of against us)

    No other symptoms whatsoever. FREAKING OUT.
    No other symptoms is a good sign. Unless you are constantly having blinding headaches, vomiting or falling over, dropping things and talking like you're pissed (like my FIL is who does have a brain tumour) I would take this as a positive. But, even then, I have actually had all these symptoms and I was diagnosed with FMS, and very definitely not a brain tumour or MS.

    Last week I thought my TMJ was a sinister issue, that's now resolved itself. Last night I randomly had rabies and two weeks about I had stomach cancer.
    This is because you have a raging case of health anxiety...

    The vision thing is scaring me because Dr Google says
    Dr Google diagnosed me with a brain tumour, MS, bowel cancer, a heart attack, a stroke and a million other nasties. NHS consultants, tests, and machinery did not concur.

    Help :(


    I hope some of what I've said has helped to alleviate your fears, even if it's for all of five minutes or until the next symptom hijacks your mind, but what you really need is professional help, and by that I mean therapy.

    If you haven't already, ask for a referral for CBT.
    __________________
    ~ Recovery is a marathon not a sprint ~

  3. #3
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    Nov 2018
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    Re: WHY?! Terrified AGAIN but over actual symptoms. I really need rational minds.

    I have physiological anisocoria; I spent a couple of terrifying days convinced I had a brain tumour (a couple of relations of friends had died of them within a very short period of time) until a lovely GP set me right.

    You're going to be okay, but Nora's right, therapy may be a good idea.
    __________________
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  4. #4
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    Jan 2015
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    Re: WHY?! Terrified AGAIN but over actual symptoms. I really need rational minds.

    My god, thank you. I appreciate the time it took you to answer these questions. Just asked my mum if I'd had this since being a kid and she has no idea and also fobbed me off by saying all eyes have some form of asymmetry if you look close enough. Looked at some photo's of me as a kid but the quality is too poor or have a flash. I definitely had this 11 years ago though so starting to accept the fact that it's just a normal anomaly of my eyes and there's nothing to worry about. I absolutely agree with your point about counseling. It's definitely time.

    Thank you so much xxxx

  5. #5
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    Jan 2015
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    Re: WHY?! Terrified AGAIN but over actual symptoms. I really need rational minds.

    Blue Iris, thank you. I think that's what I have. Like I said my Facebook photo's show it on pictures from 11 years ago. Seeing as though my pupils react well to light and still dilate, the size difference is no doubt just a normal thing on my body!!!! Definitely going to look into counselling. Thank you xxx

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
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    221

    Re: WHY?! Terrified AGAIN but over actual symptoms. I really need rational minds.

    To be fair to you double vision is definitely a symptom of ms ***BUT*** it can be a symptom of eye strain or other illness. It may pay you to just have a check with your optician to see if you need glasses or a stronger prescription.

    My first ms relapse was double vision. This was CONSTANT for around 8 weeks. Just to put it into context for if you start worrying over it again.

  7. #7
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    Re: WHY?! Terrified AGAIN but over actual symptoms. I really need rational minds.

    Hi

    This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your post was moved from its original place to a sub-forum that is more relevant to your issue.

    This is nothing personal - it just enables us to keep posts about the same problems in the relevant forums so other members with any experience with the issues can find them more easily.

    Please also read this post:

    http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=213239
    __________________
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    “Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.” - Natalie Babbitt

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  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
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    Re: WHY?! Terrified AGAIN but over actual symptoms. I really need rational minds.

    Pav1984 - thanks for your reply!! big hugs to you, I hope you're doing well?

    My double vision just happened twice over the space of six weeks, briefly after waking up. I haven't had it since and it definitely wasn't constant!! My normal day to day vision overall seems normal. It was just because I do have fine vision that those two instances paired with HA sent me over the edge.

    I have recently been looking over old photo's to check if this pupil inequality has always been there, the clearest photo I have is from 13 years ago, and whatdyaknow? There she is. How the hell I've never noticed this before is beyond me. I have so many pictures with this weird pupil thing!! SO MANY. I have emailed by doctor (THANKS COVID) and offered photo's too. Just waiting on a response.

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