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Thread: Struggling with feeling low and worthless

  1. #1
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    Sep 2011
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    Unhappy Struggling with feeling low and worthless

    I feel like I'm just in a bad place right now. I was feeling not too bad, I have a trip coming up (rented a cabin in the middle of nowhere) and am almost done paying off some debts. But within like the last month it has all just gone sour.

    I was trying to find a house to purchase; I don't have a huge budget being that it's just me and I have a regular admin job, but my dad is in construction so I am comfortable with a fixer upper. I put in a couple of offers on houses but they fell through. I told myself it's fine, the right house will come along eventually but all of my closest friends have all now purchased houses. Two of them have really, really nice houses - one is married to an eye doctor and the other in a relationship with a dentist - so it's not like they themselves were able to afford nice places (which might make it easier).

    Which of course brings me to my next downer: relationships. I am not in one. All of my friends are. One, I just learned, is going to become engaged next weekend (right in the middle of my vacation - yay). I'm happy for her, really, I just feel so lame and pathetic in return. I dated some pre-pandemic but now it's of course nearly impossible to go out at all and I'm not great at online dating.

    My brother has been married for a few years and has a baby, and a nice house (which they are about to sell to buy a nicer house) so I feel super inadequate compared to him as well.

    This weekend, I asked my dad what he wanted for Christmas and he said "I want you to go on a date. Why can't you date? You're almost 30 (will be next August) and you're not perfect, just go out with someone!" which just really sucked and drove me farther into my personal hole.

    What's worse is that my vacation was supposed to be a solo trip, just me and my dog, but my mom really wanted to come along so I said it was fine if they did. And I'm happy for them to, it just makes me feel extra pathetic to go on vacation with my parents.

    It just feels awful and like everywhere I turn a new door is slammed in my face. I feel so awful and stuck and pathetic and hopeless. There is nothing about my life that would make someone say "wow, she's doing well". Nothing to remotely brag about. I live in a tiny house in the bad part of town, alone, except for my dog that has major anxiety himself and therefore pretty much everyone hates.

    Honestly, I'm struggling to even be happy for my friends when they achieve things, which I know is super bitter. And I so hate the idea of having to watch my friend get proposed to while I'm sitting in a cabin with my parents on what is supposed to be my vacation. So I'm not even a good person on top of this.

    Anyway, I just needed to rant. It's been rough going.
    __________________

    I still go a little bit crazy sometimes...
    but now I don't stay near as long.


    [Mostly] managing anxiety, HA, and depression.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
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    Re: Struggling with feeling low and worthless

    Your feelings are perfectly understandable, as it’s totally normal to compare yourself to other people. But, in the US, especially in the day and age of social media, I think we sometimes go too far in comparing ourselves to others, in almost an overly competitive way. We all move through life at our own pace, and take different steps at different times. You should focus on what makes you happy, not how it relates to others.

    Also, as a side note, I think not being married at age 30 is completely normal nowadays.

    Enjoy your trip to the cabin! It sounds like a beautiful way to spend autumn days.

  3. #3
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    Re: Struggling with feeling low and worthless

    Thank you for your kind words. I'm really looking forward to the trip and hoping that it is restful.

    It's definitely hard to not compare myself to other people, constantly. I think part of it is because I'm ultimately not happy where I am and generally feel like I should be doing more and/or different things.
    __________________

    I still go a little bit crazy sometimes...
    but now I don't stay near as long.


    [Mostly] managing anxiety, HA, and depression.

  4. #4
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    Re: Struggling with feeling low and worthless

    Poppy, you're one of the nicest people on here. I really envy your kind and friendly spirit (also your dog).

    For what it's worth, I was 30 before I got my first permanent job; sometimes these things take time, and that's okay. Not sure what else to say other than that I think you're brilliant.
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  5. #5
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    Re: Struggling with feeling low and worthless

    You have a lot going on, and the world has a lot going on too which makes everything else seem worse because so many things are stuck in limbo.

    Try not to compare your life to others. In many ways they may be jealous of you too!

    Iím sorry your a dad said that about dating. Sometimes our parents want to talk to us and it comes out so wrong! Iím sure he only wants you to be happy.

    Maybe you could write yourself a plan of all the things that youíd like to achievement also all the things you have achieved. And donít sell yourself short either! I hope you have a great holiday.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  6. #6
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    Re: Struggling with feeling low and worthless

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post
    Poppy, you're one of the nicest people on here. I really envy your kind and friendly spirit (also your dog).

    For what it's worth, I was 30 before I got my first permanent job; sometimes these things take time, and that's okay. Not sure what else to say other than that I think you're brilliant.
    Thank you, this is so kind of you to say! It's very difficult to not compare ourselves to what is a "typical" timeline, but it is important to remember that everyone moves through life on their own course.
    __________________

    I still go a little bit crazy sometimes...
    but now I don't stay near as long.


    [Mostly] managing anxiety, HA, and depression.

  7. #7
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    Sep 2011
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    Re: Struggling with feeling low and worthless

    Quote Originally Posted by Scass View Post
    You have a lot going on, and the world has a lot going on too which makes everything else seem worse because so many things are stuck in limbo.

    Try not to compare your life to others. In many ways they may be jealous of you too!

    I’m sorry your a dad said that about dating. Sometimes our parents want to talk to us and it comes out so wrong! I’m sure he only wants you to be happy.

    Maybe you could write yourself a plan of all the things that you’d like to achievement also all the things you have achieved. And don’t sell yourself short either! I hope you have a great holiday.
    Stuck in limbo is a good way to describe things. "Stuck" in general is kind of how I'm feeling. I was about to finish my master's course in student development and intern with universities, but then covid hit and people were getting furloughed left and right, so I stuck with my current job, which is safe. I don't know when I'll pick back up again.

    My dad can be...complicated. He's not happy with my brother either, and in my eyes he is very successful! So I have to tell myself that his opinion is just that, an opinion. The challenge for me is that I'm not personally​ happy with myself right now, which is something I need to address.
    __________________

    I still go a little bit crazy sometimes...
    but now I don't stay near as long.


    [Mostly] managing anxiety, HA, and depression.

  8. #8
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    Sep 2011
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    1,243

    Re: Struggling with feeling low and worthless

    I just wanted to update.

    I went on my trip. It was fun. I think I would have enjoyed it more alone, without my parents tagging along. For one thing, we stopped at a rest stop and while I was in the restroom they managed to drop my dog's leash and were chasing him everywhere as he ran in fear (near a busy interstate!) looking for me. I was also worried a lot of the time that we were all going to to develop COVID and it would be my fault, even though we were isolated and taking all precautions.

    I got back and threw myself into work, but found out that my second job that I work occasionally to pad the pockets has my account suspended. I believe it is because I took off for 2 weeks without updating my schedule or telling my supervisor (a new rule). So I've contacted my supervisor twice and haven't gotten a response; emailed HR earlier today and nothing yet. It's got me feeling awful, even though it doesn't pay super spectacularly - especially as I've slowed way down due to COVID fears - and I can certainly find something else to help with some extra income. Still.

    Anyway, just trying to take things one day at a time. My friend got engaged and it has been nonstop engagement/wedding talk; another friend is starting in on it too as she expects her boyfriend to propose, leaving me the odd single woman out. It's a bummer too, because I'm super reluctant to go to dress fittings due to COVID fears (my friends are not being careful at all) and I can't imagine her having any kind of a bachelorette party that I would feel comfortable attending.
    __________________

    I still go a little bit crazy sometimes...
    but now I don't stay near as long.


    [Mostly] managing anxiety, HA, and depression.

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