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Thread: Relationship Anxiety

  1. #1
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    Relationship Anxiety

    Does anyone have experience of this?

    I have been seeing a lovely man for nearly a year now (after 6 years single due to several hurtful relationships previously, cheating etc.)

    Things were going great but I am suddenly experienced a lot of anxiety around the relationship. I'm not sure if I'm scared of getting hurt or maybe this means he isn't the one for me??

    Any insight would be really helpful, feel like I'm going mad!

  2. #2

    Re: Relationship Anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by Ruby77 View Post
    Does anyone have experience of this?

    I have been seeing a lovely man for nearly a year now (after 6 years single due to several hurtful relationships previously, cheating etc.)

    Things were going great but I am suddenly experienced a lot of anxiety around the relationship. I'm not sure if I'm scared of getting hurt or maybe this means he isn't the one for me??

    Any insight would be really helpful, feel like I'm going mad!
    Feel the same way...It is a bit stressful and yet don't wanna lose him/

  3. #3
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    Re: Relationship Anxiety

    Thanks for your reply and sorry you feel this way.

    How long have you felt like this? How are you dealing with it?

  4. #4
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    Re: Relationship Anxiety

    Does anyone else have experience of this? I can't make sense of my thoughts!

  5. #5
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    Re: Relationship Anxiety

    Hi yes, I felt like this when I met my now fiancÚ. We'd been going out for nearly a year when a couple of issues cropped up (which they do in relationships) and I instantly thought that he was like all the others! At the time I'd been divorced for 17 years, then I'd had a few relationships (not live-in thank goodness) with narcissistic men, my ex-husband was also a narc and verbally abusive. I'd ended all these relationships. My now fiancÚ knew about my relevant past relationship history.

    So, I emotionally took a step back, addressed the 'incidences' with him, told him how I felt then waited to see what would happen. To my amazement he didn't become defensive, didn't blame me or become verbally abusive and talked about the issues in a very rational, adult manner. Seven and a half years later things are still great and we can discuss things openly.

    After I ended my marriage, I decided that I was prepared to risk loosing a relationship, in order to be heard and to preserve my dignity
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  6. #6
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    Re: Relationship Anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by WiseMonkey View Post
    Hi yes, I felt like this when I met my now fiancÚ. We'd been going out for nearly a year when a couple of issues cropped up (which they do in relationships) and I instantly thought that he was like all the others! At the time I'd been divorced for 17 years, then I'd had a few relationships (not live-in thank goodness) with narcissistic men, my ex-husband was also a narc and verbally abusive. I'd ended all these relationships. My now fiancÚ knew about my relevant past relationship history.

    So, I emotionally took a step back, addressed the 'incidences' with him, told him how I felt then waited to see what would happen. To my amazement he didn't become defensive, didn't blame me or become verbally abusive and talked about the issues in a very rational, adult manner. Seven and a half years later things are still great and we can discuss things openly.

    After I ended my marriage, I decided that I was prepared to risk loosing a relationship, in order to be heard and to preserve my dignity
    How long did you feel this way for? I'm worried that this anxiety is telling me I don't want to be in the relationship even though I don't want to lose him.

    It's hard to listen to your gut when you have anxiety.

  7. #7
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    Re: Relationship Anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by Ruby77 View Post
    Does anyone have experience of this?

    I have been seeing a lovely man for nearly a year now (after 6 years single due to several hurtful relationships previously, cheating etc.)

    Things were going great but I am suddenly experienced a lot of anxiety around the relationship. I'm not sure if I'm scared of getting hurt or maybe this means he isn't the one for me??

    Any insight would be really helpful, feel like I'm going mad!
    I spent the best part of 20 years in a very damaging relationship. I eventually left, but you take that kind of crap with you, right?

    I couldn't ask for a lovelier husband now, but my past has kept happiness at bay because I allowed it too with the negative thoughts..

    I've actually tried to push Hubs out of my life several times because I thought that would be easier than waiting for the day when he hurts me. But he keeps saying stuff like, 'You won't get rid of me that easily - I'm like shit to a blanket' - which isn't exactly Mills 'n' Boon - but he's been true to his word! We've been together for 13 years now, and he's never, ever walked away from me - despite the emotional baggage I brought into our relationship.

    Forgiving my ex husband has been a long time coming, but it's a weight off my shoulders. He's never said he is sorry, but he doesn't need to - I forgive him anyway. Because, to hang onto hate is to hurt myself, and I'm done with the self-harm.

    My advice? Forgive those who hurt you, and understand that you were never the problem - they were the problem.

    Your heart might have taken some knocks, but that doesn't mean that you can't allow yourself to be loved, and for you to love without fear of rejection. It just takes time, and the right man will be there for as long as it takes.

    If I may use an analogy?

    A cat is mistreated and learns not to trust people. Some kind soul comes along who wants to love it, but the lil moggy has learned not to trust, so it claws the peep in the face a few times before it realises that, actually, this person isn't trying to hurt them. With time comes trust, and that purring round the legs things they do. You get me?

    Loving somebody means having to deal with grief at some point - whether it comes because the relationship ends, or because a life ends.

    Unless it's you who carks it first..

    I'd say that your past is buggering with your happiness, lovely. X
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  8. #8
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    Re: Relationship Anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    I spent the best part of 20 years in a very damaging relationship. I eventually left, but you take that kind of crap with you, right?

    I couldn't ask for a lovelier husband now, but my past has kept happiness at bay because I allowed it too with the negative thoughts..

    I've actually tried to push Hubs out of my life several times because I thought that would be easier than waiting for the day when he hurts me. But he keeps saying stuff like, 'You won't get rid of me that easily - I'm like shit to a blanket' - which isn't exactly Mills 'n' Boon - but he's been true to his word! We've been together for 13 years now, and he's never, ever walked away from me - despite the emotional baggage I brought into our relationship.

    Forgiving my ex husband has been a long time coming, but it's a weight off my shoulders. He's never said he is sorry, but he doesn't need to - I forgive him anyway. Because, to hang onto hate is to hurt myself, and I'm done with the self-harm.

    My advice? Forgive those who hurt you, and understand that you were never the problem - they were the problem.

    Your heart might have taken some knocks, but that doesn't mean that you can't allow yourself to be loved, and for you to love without fear of rejection. It just takes time, and the right man will be there for as long as it takes.

    If I may use an analogy?

    A cat is mistreated and learns not to trust people. Some kind soul comes along who wants to love it, but the lil moggy has learned not to trust, so it claws the peep in the face a few times before it realises that, actually, this person isn't trying to hurt them. With time comes trust, and that purring round the legs things they do. You get me?

    Loving somebody means having to deal with grief at some point - whether it comes because the relationship ends, or because a life ends.

    Unless it's you who carks it first..

    I'd say that your past is buggering with your happiness, lovely. X
    That is a good analogy and one that makes a lot of sense. In a way, I hope you are right. If it is my past messing with my happiness, I can hopefully work through it.

    The alternative is that there is something wrong in the relationship and we need to break up which I don't think I can handle.

  9. #9
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    Re: Relationship Anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by Ruby77 View Post
    That is a good analogy and one that makes a lot of sense. In a way, I hope you are right. If it is my past messing with my happiness, I can hopefully work through it.

    The alternative is that there is something wrong in the relationship and we need to break up which I don't think I can handle.
    How about working out what it is that is wrong and trying to work through it?

    No relationship is perfect.

    P.S you can handle more than you think!
    __________________
    There is a light. There is. Look for it. Look for it shining over your shoulder, on the past. It was light where you went once. It is light where you are now. It will be light where you will go again. ~ Jennifer Worth

  10. #10
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    Re: Relationship Anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    How about working out what it is that is wrong and trying to work through it?

    No relationship is perfect.

    P.S you can handle more than you think!
    This is the thing, there's nothing wrong as such. On paper, he is everything I could ever want but something just doesn't feel right.

    Is this my anxiety causing this feeling or is it something else?

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