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Thread: I can't do this again..

  1. #1

    I can't do this again..

    Back in September of 2017, I was bitten on the hand by a bat while I was reaching into a crack between some rocks to try and climb up a steep hill while hiking. I wasn't able to take the bat home with me obviously so we never knew if it was infected, but I'm incredibly aware of the dangers of rabies and took myself to the first hospital near me. They insisted I get the vaccine and it was an extremely stressful and intense experience that I will never forget. I then proceeded to have the worst few months of my life. I had to keep going back to get more shots every couple weeks until the course was done and since I knew how long symptoms could take to appear, I spent those months worried that the vaccine wouldn't work and that I'd eventually feel the symptoms coming on and die. Or worse, what if the bat didn't even have rabies and I somehow got it from the vaccine? I developed extreme PTSD and a horrible phobia of bats and rabies after this happened. I go into full on panic mode if I see a bat outside at night and I can't watch a rabies themed episode of a medical tv show without feeling that same specific sense of impending doom I felt back then.. I thought I was finally getting better. Fast forward to just 30 minutes ago. It was dark outside and the sky is clear and there were a lot of stars out. I stepped out on my porch for a minute to look at them. I was wearing shorts and a t shirt. I saw something small flying around near me, a few feet in front of me and slightly off to my left side. I watched it for a minute, wondering why a bird was flying around at night. A second later I finally realize it's a freaking bat. It flies directly toward me and I lose sight of it completely. I don't know where it went. I turned and booked it into my house and shut the door behind me. I examined my whole body for bite marks or scratches, took a hot shower where I obsessively scrubbed my body down, and looked around my house in case it somehow followed me in. When I got out of the shower, I started to feel a sharp pain on my left upper arm. I can't see a bite or scratch there but it almost looks like there's a very tiny bruise. It hurts a LOT and I didn't notice it until after the bat incident. Is it more likely I had something on my arm already and just didn't notice before I started obsessing? Probably. Does my health anxiety care? Nope. As far as my mind is concerned, the bat flew past me and swiftly bit my arm in less than a millisecond and let go before I could notice, it has infected me with rabies, and I'm going to die a horrible painful death. I am feeling that exact same inescapable sense of impending dread that I felt back then and I can already tell I'm in for another few months of this ridiculous life ruining obsession. It's late and I don't want to make a giant scene and go to the emergency room over a bite that probably doesn't even exist, but I'm gonna go to a walk in clinic tomorrow and see if they can inspect my arm better and maybe do a blood test to see if my rabies vaccine is still working. I want to stay rational about this but I've been shaking and crying for a while now. I can't help but worry "what if I do have it, and waiting until tomorrow is fatal?" I know it doesn't come on that fast, but the earlier the vaccine, the better, right? I can't go through this again. This is going to destroy my mental health all over again. I hate rabies. I want to scream.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
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    Re: I can't do this again..

    I'm so sorry, you must be petrified.

    For what it's worth, I'm sure you weren't bitten but I think you know that. I hope you're able to find peace of mind soon.
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  3. #3

    Re: I can't do this again..

    I feel like I know I wasn't bitten too. My health anxiety is just so out of control and no matter how much I try to rationalize with myself, I can't stop the paranoia. Apparently nobody can get me the antibodies test except for my actual doctor who I can't see until Monday. I guess I'll just have to hold on until then and hope I don't completely freak out ;~;

  4. #4

    Re: I can't do this again..

    Gonna talk to my doctor about the rabies antibody test in the morning but of course after a couple days of feeling okay my hands just started tingling. Ugh. I'm in for a fun night.

    I truly sympathize with everyone who goes through this intense particular fear.. It's like no other health anxiety worry I've ever experienced.

  5. #5

    Re: I can't do this again..

    I understand where you are coming from. I was bitten by a bat it must be 20 years now since it received the vaccine and over the years something would trigger me. I was finally free of it about three years ago but I am now in the same situation as you. A couple of weeks ago I was at my window smoking and there were moths but something bit me and here we are two weeks later and I am spiraling with the same symptoms you are even questioning the size between a bat and a moth and did I mistake a bat for a moth.

  6. #6

    Re: I can't do this again..

    I started having extremely horrible tingling in my feet yesterday. It was all over the soles and tops of my feet as well as in my toes and ankles. My feet also felt freezing cold. I took iron because I'm anemic, but that didn't seem to help. The tingling has mostly gone away but has been replaced by stabbing pains in the bottoms of my feet that radiate up into my ankles, legs, knees.. I can hardly walk around or stretch or do anything without my legs and feet feeling extremely sore like I did an intense workout yesterday even though I didn't. I went to a walk in clinic about this today because I was concerned about guillain barre syndrome due to a flu shot I got about a week ago. They just checked to see if my circulation was good and checked my reflexes and said my muscles feel really tight but they don't think its nerve related. I have trouble believing muscle tension this bad could come out of nowhere and make my feet feel like this. They didn't do any blood tests or anything, just gave me some muscle relaxers and told me to rest and stop googling. I'm honestly really freaked out even though deep down I really feel like I wasn't bitten by this bat. I just can't shake this paranoia.. And I'm kinda worried I won't be able to walk anymore if this pain keeps up.

  7. #7

    Re: I can't do this again..

    Rabies is very rare in the usa and your doctor should of told you this there was only a few deaths last year and you could count them on one hand my freind is a vet there i think you can chill out especially now the drugs are so powerfull 3 years is a long time.
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