Back in September of 2017, I was bitten on the hand by a bat while I was reaching into a crack between some rocks to try and climb up a steep hill while hiking. I wasn't able to take the bat home with me obviously so we never knew if it was infected, but I'm incredibly aware of the dangers of rabies and took myself to the first hospital near me. They insisted I get the vaccine and it was an extremely stressful and intense experience that I will never forget. I then proceeded to have the worst few months of my life. I had to keep going back to get more shots every couple weeks until the course was done and since I knew how long symptoms could take to appear, I spent those months worried that the vaccine wouldn't work and that I'd eventually feel the symptoms coming on and die. Or worse, what if the bat didn't even have rabies and I somehow got it from the vaccine? I developed extreme PTSD and a horrible phobia of bats and rabies after this happened. I go into full on panic mode if I see a bat outside at night and I can't watch a rabies themed episode of a medical tv show without feeling that same specific sense of impending doom I felt back then.. I thought I was finally getting better. Fast forward to just 30 minutes ago. It was dark outside and the sky is clear and there were a lot of stars out. I stepped out on my porch for a minute to look at them. I was wearing shorts and a t shirt. I saw something small flying around near me, a few feet in front of me and slightly off to my left side. I watched it for a minute, wondering why a bird was flying around at night. A second later I finally realize it's a freaking bat. It flies directly toward me and I lose sight of it completely. I don't know where it went. I turned and booked it into my house and shut the door behind me. I examined my whole body for bite marks or scratches, took a hot shower where I obsessively scrubbed my body down, and looked around my house in case it somehow followed me in. When I got out of the shower, I started to feel a sharp pain on my left upper arm. I can't see a bite or scratch there but it almost looks like there's a very tiny bruise. It hurts a LOT and I didn't notice it until after the bat incident. Is it more likely I had something on my arm already and just didn't notice before I started obsessing? Probably. Does my health anxiety care? Nope. As far as my mind is concerned, the bat flew past me and swiftly bit my arm in less than a millisecond and let go before I could notice, it has infected me with rabies, and I'm going to die a horrible painful death. I am feeling that exact same inescapable sense of impending dread that I felt back then and I can already tell I'm in for another few months of this ridiculous life ruining obsession. It's late and I don't want to make a giant scene and go to the emergency room over a bite that probably doesn't even exist, but I'm gonna go to a walk in clinic tomorrow and see if they can inspect my arm better and maybe do a blood test to see if my rabies vaccine is still working. I want to stay rational about this but I've been shaking and crying for a while now. I can't help but worry "what if I do have it, and waiting until tomorrow is fatal?" I know it doesn't come on that fast, but the earlier the vaccine, the better, right? I can't go through this again. This is going to destroy my mental health all over again. I hate rabies. I want to scream.