I don't want to relapse. Skin cancer obsession.

[harper92]

Since I last posted here, I've been medicated which has helped tremendously with my baseline anxiety and hypochondria. I've been in therapy for almost a year now.

I feel myself slipping a little back into the thinking patterns I had during my worst bout of health anxiety over skin cancer. I'm desperate not to fall back into it, because I remember how suicidal I felt at the time due to the constant panic and ruminating on death. I've caught myself staring at my moles in the mirror for a long time, taking many pics of them, googling - I'm able to stop quicker than I was before I was medicated, but I don't like this creeping feeling of the obsession returning.

I scheduled a general skin check last week but ended up not going out of paranoia that I was developing covid symptoms. It turned out to be a false alarm, but I haven't rescheduled yet due to my anxiety.

I so desperately don't want to get bad again. I refuse to post for reassurance on here and want to focus on the actual anxiety at hand.

Does anyone have advice on how to avoid a relapse?

[NoraB]

Since I last posted here, I've been medicated which has helped tremendously with my baseline anxiety and hypochondria. I've been in therapy for almost a year now.

I feel myself slipping a little back into the thinking patterns I had during my worst bout of health anxiety over skin cancer. I'm desperate not to fall back into it, because I remember how suicidal I felt at the time due to the constant panic and ruminating on death. I've caught myself staring at my moles in the mirror for a long time, taking many pics of them, googling - I'm able to stop quicker than I was before I was medicated, but I don't like this creeping feeling of the obsession returning.

I scheduled a general skin check last week but ended up not going out of paranoia that I was developing covid symptoms. It turned out to be a false alarm, but I haven't rescheduled yet due to my anxiety.

I so desperately don't want to get bad again. I refuse to post for reassurance on here and want to focus on the actual anxiety at hand.

Does anyone have advice on how to avoid a relapse?

I don't think of them as 'relapses' - only opportunities to put into practice everything I've learned which helped me to gain control, and, I did it without medication because I had no choice due to having severe side effects...

HA is always waiting for that opening where it can slip in and cause havoc, and recovery is not about never having those thoughts again - it's about how we respond when they come.

I am in the middle of a severe fibromyalgia flare where I've had new symptoms thrown in with familiar ones. It's cold and flu season, except that I don't get normal colds anymore, and I always have flu-type symptoms. But I've had some symptoms these past few weeks that would have sent me spiralling 4 years ago. The reason I haven't gone down the rabbit hole is because I'm not adding fear to the mix. I've been there, done that, and worn the t shirt out, and all it got me was a nervous breakdown. So I know where these irrational thoughts can take us if we fear them instead of thinking rationally and calmly.

First of all, you use the words, 'Slipping back' which implies you made progress, so what has changed?

Are you going through a stressful time? For example, with me, it's the imminent death of my father-in-law, and, nope, I don't shy away from using the word 'death' because the key to overcoming health anxiety is in accepting death and dying as the natural process it is for every living thing on this planet. The core issue with HA is that we are scared of death or dying or both. There are variants, but it amounts to the same thing. I'm good with death because I've had too many experiences of t'other side not to be, but it was potentially not finishing my job of getting my son to independence (he's autistic) which blew my mind, and the trigger was my mum's death.

So, look for the stressors whether it's Covid or whatever else, because this is where HA will try and move back in.

Why skin cancer? Where has this come from?

Remind yourself of this; I have been much worse than I feel today, and I didn't die - regardless of the convincing lies my mind told me.

Stop looking at your body.

When we have anxiety, we become sensitised and hyper aware of bodily sensations and we focus abnormally on normal variations in our bodies.

You are not obsessed with your moles because you have skin cancer; you are obsessing because you are stressed and HA sees this as an opportunity to come play.

Do not Google! (unless it's to research anxiety)

Do not seek reassurance on forums or by badgering ya mate/family member/whoever with, 'Have you ever had this?'

When the HA thoughts enter my head (and they do - no matter how briefly) I see them for what they are - just thoughts. It's to do with the negative bias. Maybe research that? (consider it your homework)I don't fight these thoughts because that's not the way to overcome HA. I don't run from them either. I face them. I allow them to happen, but I don't react to them with fear.

Try not to fear the feeling of dread because it's nothing more than an unpleasant sensation which will fizzle out providing you don't enflame it with fear.

Every time you catch your thoughts taking off - acknowledge them: 'I'm having this thought, and it's making my body produce unpleasant symptoms. This is my body protecting me (fight or flight). It won't hurt me. It will pass.'

Then, focus on your breathing because breathing deeply will turn off the fight or flight response.

Then go and do something grounding, like going for a walk or doing some gardening. Take those thoughts with you - it doesn't matter - because they can't harm you. As with any bully, they stop bothering so much when they don't get a reaction, or the reaction they are hoping for. You do these things no matter how many times it takes and practice self-care as much as you can.

This is the time to be extra-kind to your body. Nourish it - even if you don't have an appetite. Hydrate it. Do NOT use stimulants!

Love your body with all its imperfections, and thank it for taking such great care of you during this time of stress, and always.

This is not a relapse, it's a challenge - an opportunity to put those self-care/relaxation skills. One of the number one mistakes we make is to stop doing those things as soon as we start to feel better. These things should never be stopped. It's maintenance.

The simple act of changing the terminology you use is a step forwards in regaining control.

Hope this helps.