My diagnosis is severe anxiety with depersonalisation.
Tonight I hit a rock bottom low. I have serious issues regarding eating and tonight I was on anxiety overdrive since this afternoon, not to mention the depression I suffered yesterday of despair and crying from flashbacks which were triggered from a nightmare and a week ago my hair fell out. This evening I at a whole coffee cake, 3 Reece’s peanut buttercups, Chinese consisting of 9 chicken balls a pot of bbq sauce, sweet and sour sauce, salt and pepper chicken, half a tub of egg fried rice and a portion of chips AND three mini mars bars. I feel shit is an understatement!
I rang the mental health support like as I’d made myself physically sick and the adrenaline was pumping through my veins, not to mention my mum got pissed tonight and it was like babysitting a drunken zombie with their own language.
Anyway the mental health support line heard me mention in passing I’m starting a new therapy pathway with a new CPN and I hadn’t put my anxiety on to that. The guy knows me I’ve spoken to him lots of times we have a brilliant local mental health support line and I’ve been lucky to have this guy 4/5 times now when he says his name I say hey it’s me! And he knows everything so he’s consistent in supporting me. Never had we spoken about change and fears around change and then I started to cry I was scared the new CPN would judge me or I didn’t have anxiety and I was making it all up and the new CPN would meet me and say “oh there’s nothing wrong with her”
Anyway he suggested that my current CPN is doing a very sensible transition for me as she herself is going to do the initial big assessment with me for this specific structure of programme of therapy whereas it would have been handed over to just whoever was available but this lady has known me for two years. I never think change is scary or a trigger I just can’t connect with it but it seems to be a huge consequence for my anxiety as I have seen today. I just feel this is sooo rubbish right now and the calories I’ve consumed is making me feel horrid I’m such a **** all over again. I HATE myself


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