Get help for your bulimia, Phoenixess..I've struggled with an ED since I was 16 and I'm 61 now. It doesn't go away without bringing it out into the open and tackling it head on with professionals xx
Get help for your bulimia, Phoenixess..I've struggled with an ED since I was 16 and I'm 61 now. It doesn't go away without bringing it out into the open and tackling it head on with professionals xx
Let’s give this a go shall we loving me! I don’t ever see positives about myself but I’m going to try to make a list!
That guy was a dick just wish I hadn’t let it be get to me so much idiota!!! He was unstable all he would talk about was his bowel and his constipation and money yet he lost his job. I was quite angry at him I think yet I took it out on me.
Time to start again. Loving myself.
This is going to be a challenge but I need to start somewhere. Xx
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How do you get help? How does it stop? I quit drinking alcohol to cope. However this is a sticky one it’s so deep rooted in the emotional abuse I experienced as a child about my weight from my father. Every dream I had he crushed because he said I wasn’t pretty enough I wasn’t slim enough. He put me on ludicrous diets since I was 4 he would weigh me every single day. He took me to dieticians across the country. He even put 14 bags of sugar on his filing cabinet and said for each lb I lost he would take one away and then I would get the present at the end. (Which were a set of Britannia encyclopaedias that was not incentive for a 7 y/o to loose weight!!). At school the dinner ladies had to make me special meals because of my dad instructions. I ended up having jacket potato with beans for most my junior school meals on a plate away from everyone else. Never allowed dessert or custard at school. Nothing. I always felt self conscious. Yet w ho was there looking after me at 9 I used to cook for myself is cook a whole packet of chicken nuggets and french fries. No one was there to eat with me on a Sunday I’d put Jurassic park on with my plate of nuggets chips and ketchup and that felt safe.
I’ve never spoken about this stuff it’s really nice to acknowledge it and make connections.
But at 16 my whole school year had an issue with anorexia (all girls school) they had special assemblies to tell us statistically our year was worse than the national average with anorexia. They monitored our dinner cards and all sorts. I internalised it as criticism for me being over weight so I started to eat less drink tonnes of water and I lost a lot of weight very quickly. My incentive was my prom. By then I’d got into size 14 clothes the anorexic popular girls went on how beautiful I was how I should be a model I became popular by abusing my body.
Then my life changed my dad rejected me and I spiralled out of control for about five years. At 21 I was homeless and had to clean my act up. But the only comfort in those lonely times was alcohol and cigarettes, men and food and vomiting. I lost weight again I kept it off for a number of year in therapy. But I still was classed as obese by any feat of the nhs strategies. Only this year have I been the lowest adult weight in my entire life.
But the pain and ED prevails as my friend but not last night last night was wayyy out of my norm!
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I found it incredibly hard at first because I've lived a life of people saying horrible things to me, and after a while, you believe them, don't you?
But then one day I realised that every person who ever did (or said) something mean to me did it because they had issues or were unhappy. Doesn't excuse any of it, but it explains their behaviour.
Turns out they couldn't cope with my awesomeness!
Challenge, yes, but you are worth the effort it's going to take. X
A thought is harmless unless we believe it.
Phoenixess,
You have certainly come to the right place.
I fought anorexia for the best part of 3 decades.
It also started with a situation in my childhood and I used as a tool to project my emotional state, unfortunately no one was listening. The same with the alcohol.
And we know the only person we are hurting is ourselves.
Eventually I learnt to see food as fuel to keep healthy.
I gave up drink and don't miss it at all.
It just clouded my mind and I thought it would stop my thinking, but it doesn't.
Same with relationships. I was too much too handle.
If you have to be handled, then they can't be right for you.
Phoenixess, all these issues can be helped.
But the answers lie with you.
There are reasons and they are probably deep rooted.
They become a habit, but habits can be broken.
You hun are a strong willed person which will have its benefits to achieving your goals.
It's the right goals you need and you will find them.
Don't ever feel you are alone in this Phoenixess. x
You gals are the best you give me strength to share this and to know I’m not alone is just the biggest relief of my entire life. Honestly all of you I can’t thank you enough massive hugs!
Xxxxxx
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One from me too
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