Now I posted on here before in the year about contamination from caffeine and alcohol and the possibility of the slightest amount entering my system making me panic.

I have made great strides against this over the course of the year but something happened the other week that has set me right back almost to square one. My girlfriend is pretty much going to leave me and I can't blame her.

After the caffeine and alcohol thing I stopped kissing her and would wash my hands obsessively when I come into contact with either substance. I got over this over time by exposing myself to it in gradual ways.

Now my girlfriend regularly takes codeine and she asked to use my drink to swallow the tablet.

I said yes of course and thought this is a great chance of for exposure.

What followed was a night of intense anxiety. It didn't let up for hours until I googled it I thought it could possibly kill me because of other drugs I'm on.

I know this is highly irrational but it's getting worse it stated on Google it would wear off after 4 hours so the anxiety eased but now I have fears that certain surfaces may have the substance on it and tonight she passed me a used tablet packet to put in the bin.

I thouht it'll be fine just wash your hands and it'll be gone but now I'm obsessing about it still being on my hand and I don't want to eat with that hand.

I actually phoned the crisis team today to ask to be admitted and they just stated that I'm getting CBT that should help.

I feel exasperated and overwhelmed by this as well as some intrusive thoughts.

I don't know how to get over this as I cannot expose myself to opiates.

Thanks for any replies