Hello

I have posted on here off and on for many years.

I am now 51 and still really struggling to cope with my HA. I worry that having had it for nearly 45 years that there really is no chance of me ever being able to manage it. I know that I will always have anxiety and that it is something every human has to some degree but I live in constant fear and even when I have no particular health worry at a given time, I still feel anxious. It's exhausting and ruining my life. I'm booked in to see a cbt therapist yet again (I have had more cbt than I can think of) in the hope that I may be able to take control - this is someone I have found through lots of research who specialises in HA and OCD. My CBT therapists have always been lovely and helpful and they have all gone through the same pattern of thought tracking, identifying thinking errors etc etc and yet, I'm stuck. Maybe it's me and I am just not putting the effort into getting better?

I also take sertraline and more recently my GP added pregabalin. I don't think the sertraline does anything having been on it for 10 years, but I did think that the pregabalin was helping for a while. I hate that I am taking medication, that it doesn't seem to help and yet here I am on two lots. I read about people with health anxiety and they have often suffered for a short time or a few years and not taken any meds. I envy those people so much.

Since turning 50 things have gotten worse and I literally bounce from one illness to another. I have this worry that now I am this age it's much more likely that the illness I fear will be much more likely to appear now that I have hit this age. I am definitely peri-menopausal, but not sure that comes into how I am feeling or, if it does, there's much I can do about it. I have a great job with much responsibility and have been dealing with all the current issues relating to covid really well, which has been tricky for schools.`

I don't really know why I am writing this, I suppose I need to get things out of my system and maybe hear that I am not the only one to be like this for so bloody long.

S x