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Thread: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    658

    Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    It all began two weeks ago maybe even three, I ended up at the walk-in centre on a Saturday with sinus problems and I was advised to take a covid test. Following the test my hair fell out quite dramatically (unrelated just the timeline of events) , I had an infected finger and a dose of antibiotics and severe bunion pain. My CoVID results were negative (bonus), and every time I have been to a medical setting my BP is 100% even in a state of panic.
    I then tore my muscle in my abdomen and had quite a traumatic experience of it at the GP and then a and e! However I spoke to my CPN on Monday and she was very supportive. My weight hasnít been doing brilliantly and I ended up taking a lot of laxatives on Sunday equally because I was upset about feeling victimised and judged and guilty. There was no intention to harm myself I want to loose weight. Lastly since the laxative day on Sunday I felt not 100% I felt shaky Sunday night. Worsening panic on Monday to the point of headaches hot flushes and fear I was dying. Then yesterday the mind racing was on overdrive to the point I needed a diazepam to calm me down. Only problem is I have woken up today in stomach pains and D and V I had to call my mum for a bowl from down stairs as everything was coming out both ways I couldnít stop it.
    We believe itís food poisoning.
    However Iíve just had enough! Iíve had enough! I canít fight today I canít see any positive things any more I just 100% want to curl up and hide. Itís my birthday a month today and I donít want it. I donít want anything Iím miserable I hate myself I hate my panic disorder I hate panic attacks itís so humiliating and difficult. Iíve taken all the medication done everything everyone said and I am left like WTF am I even hanging around for. Iím a waste of space and energy and itís just bloody pointless.
    Brilliant well done life!
    Iím just miserable and I canít shift my weight any bloody lower I am stuck at 13 stone 5lbs and Iíve give up the cake the chocolate and everything else!
    Yesterday I felt like I was dying all day I couldnít even concentrate on the tv in the end and I went to bed last night hoping to wake up today a fresh. Well A) Iíve super pissed off my grandma so she hates me so I have lost that source of outlet and B) Iíve got something else wrong with me!
    Iím acutely aware of all my aching bones and I feel exhausted. Just donít know why I exist or what existence is about any more?! No idea just lost for everything right now.
    I quit!


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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    1,303

    Re: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenixess View Post
    It all began two weeks ago maybe even three, I ended up at the walk-in centre on a Saturday with sinus problems and I was advised to take a covid test. Following the test my hair fell out quite dramatically (unrelated just the timeline of events) , I had an infected finger and a dose of antibiotics and severe bunion pain. My CoVID results were negative (bonus), and every time I have been to a medical setting my BP is 100% even in a state of panic.
    I then tore my muscle in my abdomen and had quite a traumatic experience of it at the GP and then a and e! However I spoke to my CPN on Monday and she was very supportive. My weight hasn’t been doing brilliantly and I ended up taking a lot of laxatives on Sunday equally because I was upset about feeling victimised and judged and guilty. There was no intention to harm myself I want to loose weight. Lastly since the laxative day on Sunday I felt not 100% I felt shaky Sunday night. Worsening panic on Monday to the point of headaches hot flushes and fear I was dying. Then yesterday the mind racing was on overdrive to the point I needed a diazepam to calm me down. Only problem is I have woken up today in stomach pains and D and V I had to call my mum for a bowl from down stairs as everything was coming out both ways I couldn’t stop it.
    We believe it’s food poisoning.
    However I’ve just had enough! I’ve had enough! I can’t fight today I can’t see any positive things any more I just 100% want to curl up and hide. It’s my birthday a month today and I don’t want it. I don’t want anything I’m miserable I hate myself I hate my panic disorder I hate panic attacks it’s so humiliating and difficult. I’ve taken all the medication done everything everyone said and I am left like WTF am I even hanging around for. I’m a waste of space and energy and it’s just bloody pointless.
    Brilliant well done life!
    I’m just miserable and I can’t shift my weight any bloody lower I am stuck at 13 stone 5lbs and I’ve give up the cake the chocolate and everything else!
    Yesterday I felt like I was dying all day I couldn’t even concentrate on the tv in the end and I went to bed last night hoping to wake up today a fresh. Well A) I’ve super pissed off my grandma so she hates me so I have lost that source of outlet and B) I’ve got something else wrong with me!
    I’m acutely aware of all my aching bones and I feel exhausted. Just don’t know why I exist or what existence is about any more?! No idea just lost for everything right now.
    I quit!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Sorry to hear you're battling the beast Phoenixess. It sounds like you've got a lot of stress going and things have spiraled out of control.

    First, please stop the laxatives. They should only be used if you have constipation and were never intended as a weight loss tool. Laxatives deplete the body of water so you need to make sure you drink lots of fluids while you take them. I am assuming because of the anxiety over your weight you are also not eating properly? That could explain things. I know there's no intention of harming yourself, but unintentionally you can end up doing harm.

    Some days it's OK to curl up in bed and hide away. I do this myself and as much as people tell me "it doesn't help" ... it most certainly does help. Put some Youtube on and just rest. Some days we all have had enough (at least those of us who have MH problems). But, look at the past. You've pulled through many times before and you'll pull through again.

    There's lots of negativity circling your head, and you're being a bit hard on yourself. Cheer up

    COVID has added unwanted stress to all of us, and with the numbers on the rise a lot of people are feeling lost, isolated, scared etc. Because we have MH problems all of that unwanted stress is magnified.

    I suggest you make yourself something nice to eat and you put your feet up.

    It was my birthday on the 13th. I don't celebrate it. I got a couple of packet of sweets and £10 off my brother, that was enough for me. I see no purpose in celebrating the fact I've circled the sun once more and the older the get the less I want to remember how old my "age" is ... it's just another day. As I don't drink, I don't go out and party.

    13 stone isn't that bad. It's not obese or anything like that and as a male I am not attracted to ladies who are stick thin. I know a lot of male friends with the same opinion too.
    Last edited by WiredIncorrectly; 21-10-20 at 13:29.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    7,090

    Re: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    Phoenixess,

    I could have written a similar post hundreds of times and probably have if I look back at my history.
    You are going through a very bad patch and even reading your post I noticed several positives.
    You are worrying about everything!
    So maybe it's time to divert all your thinking in to something very neutral.
    Get some paper, pout out all the stuff, then screw it up and throw it in the bin.
    Then get another piece of paper and do some drawing sketching, scribbling.
    All this will release the tension.
    Find anything that will help you relax.
    A nice film, music, book.
    You can't deal with anything in life rationally if you are not calm.
    I know you are screaming inside and feel like you been dealt the raw end of life, but the way you feel is not forever.
    You are young and will have a future with better things.
    I'm older than you and have been up and down in life to many times to mention. I've felt like I've been dealing with devil on many occasions and I know how it is to feel the way you feel. Take time out from your busy mind. You must be so exhausted. Give your mind a vacation and be a child for a little while. Hug your pillow, massage your aching feet, have a good cry, pray if you want to.
    I can assure you, your life will not always be this way. xx

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    658

    Re: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    I feel exhausted and rubbish Iím trying to get of bed but everytime I do think why? What the point? I hear what your all saying and I appreciate your suggestions and ideas I just literally have no physical or mental energy to do anything.
    Iíve had a ham sandwich my mum gave it to me I feel like Iíve got a bit lost. I think I need to get out and have a change of scenery itís the only way to deal with negative energy is to be with nature I might get a taxi to the big park up over the hill and then I can walk around for a bit


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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    658

    Re: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    Stood up and feel sick as a dog this is not good whatever Iíve got it must be food poisoning or a stomach bug blergh


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  6. #6
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    May 2014
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    7,090

    Re: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    Then you should rest up

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    658

    Re: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    Ive phoned 111 feeling so rough mum advised i ask a GP opinion but my GP practice is shut. Got heart burn bad too. Going to try paracetamol and lemon juice. :(

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    10,921

    Re: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    Probably the laxatives taking effect? Lemon juice isn't a good idea-too acidic.

    Make it up with your grandma? She's more than an "outlet" and is probably just frustrated that she can't seem to help you. It's exhausting trying to help someone in distress. You need your family members on your side. One good thing that you shouldn't take for granted is that you have a very supportive CPN and decent support from your CMHRS.

    I hope you are feeling better and I'd try to keep away from walk in centres/ GP surgeries if you can?

  9. #9
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    May 2014
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    Re: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    That's very good advice Pulisa x

  10. #10
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    Re: Refusing to get out of bed today! My furlough on life....

    Phoenixess, I remember you posting on the original Covid thread back in February/March, when we were all running round like headless chickens. Some of us might still be doing that but we're all still here. That's got to be a positive right?
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