New respite concerns

[Lencoboy]

I have been looking into getting some respite care for a while now as my mother has severe dementia and it's been affecting me quite significantly and I still really want to pursue it possibly after Christmas when the second lockdown is finally done and dusted, but I keep having anxiety dreams about being disappointed with the place and it being staffed by poorly trained 'chancers'.

Some of my fellow clients at the day centre I attend currently once a week stay there sometimes with no reported issues, but I just can't help imagining all kinds of worst-case scenarios and being powerless to address them, especially if power-crazy chancers with their own hidden agendas might be working there, which happened at the other two respite units I attended when I was younger back in the 90s.

Same also with the residential school I attended back in the late 80s.

[pulisa]

I completely understand the trauma you are experiencing from your Mum's dementia. My daughter is having severe MH issues and trauma as a result of my son's recent breakdown and hospitalisation.

I know you've had some really bad experiences in the past but you mustn't let this colour what is available now? Can you check the CQC report online of the respite unit you are considering? You would still be fully in control of any decisions to be made re respite care and would be free to leave at any time. I presume you would need to put in a funding request and if so this would all take time.

Talk to people who use the unit and see what they think of it? You need some time away from home life which must be incredibly stressful for anyone, let alone for someone on the spectrum. I've seen for myself how devastating trauma can be for my own adult children so would encourage you to find somewhere where you would feel safe in order to get some respite, however brief.

[Lencoboy]

I completely understand the trauma you are experiencing from your Mum's dementia. My daughter is having severe MH issues and trauma as a result of my son's recent breakdown and hospitalisation.

I know you've had some really bad experiences in the past but you mustn't let this colour what is available now? Can you check the CQC report online of the respite unit you are considering? You would still be fully in control of any decisions to be made re respite care and would be free to leave at any time. I presume you would need to put in a funding request and if so this would all take time.

Talk to people who use the unit and see what they think of it? You need some time away from home life which must be incredibly stressful for anyone, let alone for someone on the spectrum. I've seen for myself how devastating trauma can be for my own adult children so would encourage you to find somewhere where you would feel safe in order to get some respite, however brief.

Thanks for your advice as always Pulisa.

I know I'm not being forced into it and like I said, I really want to pursue it but with past experiences at such places, typically involving staff members who rollicked me over things like using the wrong toilet that was actually intended for staff use only, but never informed in advance, waiting in the office for my parents to pick me up to take me back home at the end of my stay, to be screamed at by the very same arsy, power-crazy staff member that the office was out of bounds to all clients, again as none of the other staff members informed me of that, and during the massive argy-bargy I was having with that battleaxe staff member on the latter occasion (and also bringing up the staff toilet incident on an earlier stay) said 'Why don't you put signs up and/or put locks on the doors of the office, staff toilet and other 'out of bounds' rooms/areas so us clients cannot enter' and she arrogantly responded with 'Well we shouldn't have to do that' and 'How dare you tell us how to run this place'!

The kind of person that one is incapable of reasoning with and in blatant denial about the poor practices of both herself and other staff members, and of course, playing the blame game on us clients who were unwittingly making mistakes that we were previously unaware of, due to poxy communication breakdowns between staff in general coupled with inept, power-crazy jobsworths like her, with a rabid agenda of controlling vulnerable people in her care.

Sorry for the long rant and essay on my past bad experiences in such places, but I want to feel comfortable at the new place and not intimidated by certain staff members who aren't fit to be working in such places, but still do because they're entitled to a job after all!?

[pulisa]

It might be difficult for you to feel comfortable anywhere if you are anticipating bad treatment though? Have you ever had counselling to talk about what happened to you in the past?

[Lencoboy]

It might be difficult for you to feel comfortable anywhere if you are anticipating bad treatment though? Have you ever had counselling to talk about what happened to you in the past?

Yes I have, and still am ATM, albeit over the Internet due to current Covid restrictions.

The trouble is, no matter how much counselling/reassurance I receive, it won't change the ways and motives of unscrupulous chancers with poor anger management and communication issues who work in the care profession, and the usual excuse that they have every right to a job.

At the school I attended (after the residential one) during roughly the same era as the first respite unit that I mentioned in my previous post, there was a teacher who was perpetually angry and incapable of reasoning with pupils, who hastily accused me of bunking out of class when I was doing a favour for my main form teacher, and acting like a female Sergeant Major!

Essentially a female version of Mr Bronson from Grange Hill!

[BlueIris]

May I be honest, Lencoboy? I'm shocked and upset by the way you've been treated, but at the same time, I find your misanthropy very difficult to deal with.

Is there a chance this may be affecting your dealings with others? I promise, there are so many decent people out there if you give them a chance.

[Lencoboy]

May I be honest, Lencoboy? I'm shocked and upset by the way you've been treated, but at the same time, I find your misanthropy very difficult to deal with.

Is there a chance this may be affecting your dealings with others? I promise, there are so many decent people out there if you give them a chance.

I agree there are far more decent people out there and I do try to give everyone a chance, but unfortunately there will always be at least one bad apple in pretty much every establishment, and all too often, their iffy ways often get overlooked and the managements often consider sweeping the issues under the carpet and playing them down the easiest options rather than attempting to address them properly.

Always have done, probably always will do.

Way of the world I suppose.

[NoraB]

May I be honest, Lencoboy? I'm shocked and upset by the way you've been treated, but at the same time, I find your misanthropy very difficult to deal with

Is there a chance this may be affecting your dealings with others? I promise, there are so many decent people out there if you give them a chance.

Abuse leaves mental scars Blue.

[BlueIris]

I know, because I've lived it myself. Stepping back now because I'm not good with conflict at the moment.

[pulisa]

I agree there are far more decent people out there and I do try to give everyone a chance, but unfortunately there will always be at least one bad apple in pretty much every establishment, and all too often, their iffy ways often get overlooked and the managements often consider sweeping the issues under the carpet and playing them down the easiest options rather than attempting to address them properly.

Always have done, probably always will do.

Way of the world I suppose.

You must feel very scarred by your experiences when younger and I know how vulnerable people are in these units and how they can be exploited and abused by unscrupulous individuals.

Could you maybe ask for a trial respite break at a particular unit and see what you think? Whatever you decide will always be a gamble but I suppose it boils down to your need to get away from home for a while versus your fear that there will be a repetition of behaviours which have so traumatised you and continue to traumatise you many years later..