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Thread: New respite concerns

  1. #11
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    Re: New respite concerns

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    Abuse leaves mental scars Blue.
    Too right it does Nora.

    And then I get accused of misanthropy simply for speaking my mind about injustices people with disabilities have been known to face, and still continue to face by backward-thinking individuals who still think we should be controlled and treated like little kids.

    And this is people from all political and cultural angles who are selfishly obsessed with nostalgia and some mythical golden age, especially before the year 2000.

  2. #12
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    Re: New respite concerns

    Emotions are close to the surface right now with the world seemingly going crazy. Don't fall out guys, life is way too short.
    __________________
    'It was a wedding ring, destined to be found in a cheap hotel, lost in a kitchen sink, or thrown in a wishing well' - Marillion, Clutching at Straws, 1987

  3. #13
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    Sep 2012
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    Re: New respite concerns

    Quote Originally Posted by Lencoboy View Post
    I have been looking into getting some respite care for a while now as my mother has severe dementia and it's been affecting me quite significantly and I still really want to pursue it possibly after Christmas when the second lockdown is finally done and dusted, but I keep having anxiety dreams about being disappointed with the place and it being staffed by poorly trained 'chancers'.

    Some of my fellow clients at the day centre I attend currently once a week stay there sometimes with no reported issues, but I just can't help imagining all kinds of worst-case scenarios and being powerless to address them, especially if power-crazy chancers with their own hidden agendas might be working there, which happened at the other two respite units I attended when I was younger back in the 90s.

    Same also with the residential school I attended back in the late 80s.
    Hi Lencoboy hope your well

    So sorry to hear of your experiences and unfortunately it does happen l work with dementia patients and have done since l was 18, l have seen a lot of changes over them years and definitely for the better, if it's a good company they don't take anyone on they vet people throughly and if they don't l would avoid,

    You can also do your homework online and read the home reports don't hold back ask any questions you need to address a good home will be upfront with you, don't understand people anyone hurting a person let alone a vulnerable person these people aren't carers and unfortunately it tars the good carers, l hope you find a decent home and the best of care your mum deserves take care xx

  4. #14
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    Re: New respite concerns

    Quote Originally Posted by MRS STRESS ED View Post
    Hi Lencoboy hope your well

    So sorry to hear of your experiences and unfortunately it does happen l work with dementia patients and have done since l was 18, l have seen a lot of changes over them years and definitely for the better, if it's a good company they don't take anyone on they vet people throughly and if they don't l would avoid,

    You can also do your homework online and read the home reports don't hold back ask any questions you need to address a good home will be upfront with you, don't understand people anyone hurting a person let alone a vulnerable person these people aren't carers and unfortunately it tars the good carers, l hope you find a decent home and the best of care your mum deserves take care xx
    Sorry to sound rude, but I think you might be confusing a short break service intended for me with possible care home accommodation for my mom, which isn't happening as yet.

    Thanks for your nice words though.

  5. #15
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: New respite concerns

    I thought the same as Mrs Stress Ed to begin with and then re-read your post and realised my mistake.

    Do you think your anger is mixed in with fear? Fear and uncertainty as to whether you will be able to keep yourself safe in an as yet unknown environment?

  6. #16
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    Sep 2012
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    Re: New respite concerns

    Quote Originally Posted by Lencoboy View Post
    Sorry to sound rude, but I think you might be confusing a short break service intended for me with possible care home accommodation for my mom, which isn't happening as yet.

    Thanks for your nice words though.
    Oh I'm sorry I have read it as your mum not you really sorry and you certainly not being rude my mistake hope everything works out for you take care xx

    Pulisa l did l got mixed up my stupid anxiety brain hope your well xx

  7. #17
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    Re: New respite concerns

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    I thought the same as Mrs Stress Ed to begin with and then re-read your post and realised my mistake.

    Do you think your anger is mixed in with fear? Fear and uncertainty as to whether you will be able to keep yourself safe in an as yet unknown environment?
    I think it's a case of hypervigilance Pulisa, and I'm basically 'conditioned' into fearing worst-case scenarios wherever I go, due to past bad experiences at all manner of places, be they respite units, schools, day centres, hospitals, you name them.

    Plus there will almost always be at least one invincible 'bad apple' working in such places.

    I think there might also be elements of what one person may find painful another might consider trivial and irrational.

    Human nature I suppose.

  8. #18
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    Re: New respite concerns

    I've been thinking about this again this morning, and remembering how 'hodge-podge' the first unit I stayed at back in the early 90s was, not just with the arbitrary rules and poor communication by certain staff members (e.g, the rows over the staff toilet, office, staff smoking in the building, etc), but most notably the age mismatch of clients staying there on occasions, e.g, people like me then in early teens being mixed with say, toddlers, which did actually happen on a few stays there of mine.

    I really have no idea what planet the Department of Health and Social Care at Staffs CC were on at the time, just seemed so ill-thought out to me.

    I know it won't be like that at the new place of which I'm still yet to pursue (obviously pandemic permitting), as it's for adults only, but I still can't help imagining scenarios of certain arsy staff members with their own agendas working there, though I know that people smoking in such premises is now firmly a thing of the past.

    Having said that, places that we may stay at on our holidays can also carry similar sources of disappointment, such as arsy, unhelpful staff members at the hotels, caravan/camping sites, etc, nuisance noises from other people staying there, passing traffic or on-site mechanical sources (e.g, dodgy plumbing/heating systems emitting water hammer and other strange sounds), toilet/shower/ bathroom/ bedroom facilities whose general conditions are below par, etc.

  9. #19
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    Mar 2020
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    Re: New respite concerns

    Earlier today while walking the dog I was wishing I was at the respite unit (in Burton) that I've been looking into attending for the best part of 2 years but has been put on the back burner several times, obviously due to the pandemic and its attendant restrictions.

    I also recall around late summer 2020 there were discussions between my dad and social workers about the possibility of my mom having respite care herself (at a place for elderly persons about two thirds of a mile from where we live), but my dad decided against it because he didn't want my mom to get upset and think she had been pushed out, even though it would only have been for a weekend or so.

    I don't think my dad would be particularly happy about me attending the respite unit now, especially as he would be alone with my mom and the dog, but he also still doesn't want my mom to have any respite care either.

    I just feel trapped and bored stiff right now, plus my dad has had very little enthusiasm for anything this week (understandably due to us all being struck by Covid, in which I've now recovered from) and he has been glued to the BBC and Sky News channels day in day out over the past week, even though he doesn't seem overly concerned about the current Ukraine situation himself, which has of course been dominating the headlines over the past couple of weeks.

    My dad often bemoans the way the govt have been treating people like us for the past decade or so and the cuts, etc, but at the same time, doesn't seem to want anyone to help us.

    A lot of it probably comes down to a lot of his longstanding mistrust of people who work in the health and social care profession, and prejudices he can't shake off.

    Yet ironically, he didn't really seem to bat an eyelid at the time over the hell I went through at the residential school and often didn't seem to believe me when I told him (and my mom) what I had been through every week, plus both my parents (for better or worse) seemed far more preoccupied with their jobs at that time, whilst I was 'out of sight, out of mind' in that hellhole, though I think my dad now regrets not taking my concerns at that time seriously enough.

    I still feel at a loose end and like a prisoner in my own home right now.

  10. #20
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: New respite concerns

    What would being at this respite unit entail in terms of hours spent there and timetable of activities offered?

    You say that you are bored but are not ready to take on any form of volunteering work which may give you an outlet and a chance to use your specialist knowledge? It would also give you a routine and a chance to get away from the constant bombardment of news at home. It must be hard to cut off from your dad's rigid views about certain triggering topics too?

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