New respite concerns

[BlueIris]

Pulisa has a good point. There's a whole world out there full of interesting things and, yes, decent people.

[spectrum123]

You have to make a choice that is right for you. Much as your father's views are important, it ultimately is what is right for you, you're an adult. Whilst parents might not always agree which their child's decisions, you are no longer a child and have the right to choose what you want to do.

Ultimately, it might be a break for both of you?

[Lencoboy]

You have to make a choice that is right for you. Much as your father's views are important, it ultimately is what is right for you, you're an adult. Whilst parents might not always agree which their child's decisions, you are no longer a child and have the right to choose what you want to do.

Ultimately, it might be a break for both of you?

I did actually mention the respite thing to my dad today but he said it's well down his list of priorities right now.

Also I hope this next big storm has blown over by Tuesday as I really want to return to my day centre (I was off last week due to Covid, that I have now finally recovered from), as I'm sick to the back teeth of being cooped up at home right now.

If there are still adverse weather conditions by Tuesday that warrant staying indoors and not going out, then so be it.

[pulisa]

But it's not well down YOUR list of priorities and you are an adult so can make your own mind up as to whether you would like to pursue this now. You don't need to ask his permission. It's YOUR life and you are bored and unmotivated at home all the time.

[Lencoboy]

But it's not well down YOUR list of priorities and you are an adult so can make your own mind up as to whether you would like to pursue this now. You don't need to ask his permission. It's YOUR life and you are bored and unmotivated at home all the time.

You're right, but he says he really doesn't want the upset from it all right now. Plus he says I would probably be down the respite unit's priority list right now as well, as there will be other people who are far more needy than I am right now.

I think he still has a blatant mistrust of social workers (and the authorities in general).

He said that he never particularly happy with me having to attend respite units back in the 90s when I was younger, and he thought they were a total waste of time and more of a hindrance in his opinion, but he said he only agreed to it to appease my mom at the time.

[spectrum123]

You're right, but he says he really doesn't want the upset from it all right now. Plus he says I would probably be down the respite unit's priority list right now as well, as there will be other people who are far more needy than I am right now.

I think he still has a blatant mistrust of social workers (and the authorities in general).

He said that he never particularly happy with me having to attend respite units back in the 90s when I was younger, and he thought they were a total waste of time and more of a hindrance in his opinion, but he said he only agreed to it to appease my mom at the time.

That's his opinion. You have to make your own mind up, and you won't know without trying it, if you feel it would do you good to be in a different environment.
If you don't like it, go back home, can't see they have any legal right to prevent you leaving?

[pulisa]

You don't know where you would be on the unit's waiting list. Your mother has dementia so I would imagine that this would be a concern especially as your dad refuses to have any outside help and expects you to help him with her? He may say that he doesn't want help but he can't control what you say you need or are you afraid to confront him? I could well understand it if you were because he sounds like a very dominating and domineering man.

[Lencoboy]

You don't know where you would be on the unit's waiting list. Your mother has dementia so I would imagine that this would be a concern especially as your dad refuses to have any outside help and expects you to help him with her? He may say that he doesn't want help but he can't control what you say you need or are you afraid to confront him? I could well understand it if you were because he sounds like a very dominating and domineering man.

I don't think my dad's a domineering person per se; I think he's just been severely bogged down with everything that's been going on over the past 2 years, of which we all have, and I don't think he can cope with the thought of being too overwhelmed with everything right now, especially whilst recovering from Covid himself, plus he's obviously been on a bit of a downer over the past few days as a result.

In fact, it used to be my mom who was the domineering person in our family, up until the onset of her dementia from about 2014 onwards, and she used to go mega apesh1t if anyone sabotaged any of her plans/agendas, be it my dad, myself, or my brother, even if unwittingly.

My original (and failed) respite care back in the 90s at both sites I attended was mostly part of one of my mom's impulsive and ill-thought-out agendas.

But this is completely different now though.

[Lencoboy]

That's his opinion. You have to make your own mind up, and you won't know without trying it, if you feel it would do you good to be in a different environment.
If you don't like it, go back home, can't see they have any legal right to prevent you leaving?

I think my dad is just a bit overprotective towards both me and my mom, and he probably feels a bit uneasy at the thought of either of us being in someone else's care overnight, especially with certain hazards like Covid still around.

You're right in the sense that myself attending any respite care is non-compulsory, and if it's not quite to my liking I just don't have to return again. Simples.

I reckon my dad is probably a bit apprehensive about that, especially owing to bad experiences in the past, but like I said to Pulisa, this is different now.

[pulisa]

Of course I can understand your dad being protective of you both and not having any faith in SS etc but ultimately it's your needs that are important here and you say that you are fed up of the restrictions at home and want to consider the unit again? There's a fine line between being protective and being controlling. I have to remind myself of this a lot as I have 2 adult children with ASD at home and it's very hard to get it "right" if there is a "right"? One thing that they both need is a structured routine to make them feel safe and to give their lives a purpose.