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Thread: Awkward waving

  1. #1

    Awkward waving

    Hi all, if I think to much about what I am going to type, I'll never type it so I'll just crash on and hit send

    Middle aged bloke here who was made redundant a couple of years ago from a place I invested my heart and soul into (green energy), I think I was in shock for the the whole time I was applying for jobs (redundancy was actually pretty traumatic for me and totally new and totally unexpected) and suffered from depression while failing to find another job in my chosen field (conservation) then found a part-time job in a slightly different field (wildlife products), realised I was pretty seriously depressed and started looking for help (was diagnosed and signed up for a clinical trial - the macro psilocybin one) and was really chuffed for a bit but then started suffering from anxiety as well, leading to a bit of a borderline crisis earlier this year. It also led to me being ejected from the trial due to my anxiety, which made me sad as I was looking forward to facing the depression with some help. Anyway, I managed to hang on to my new job, just about, but I know I ruined my potential there and am still on probation a year later and it kindof feels a bit like a Sword of Damocles...

    Then we had lockdown and I was furloughed which on the one hand was strangely comforting as I felt like I had been in lockdown and beating myself up for it for a couple of years and I was being told to stay at home and take pictures of wildlife and watch Twitch for a few months in glorious weather. I didn't continue looking for help (I went to see a therapist once and she said she wanted to work with me but then didn't rely to my email - which was a bit off putting!) and had a few periods of relative normality during the summer, which was lush but this anxiety isn't going away. I feel like the depression is manageable at this stage but I am wary about it coming back, I still feel pretty fragile. I am going to need to get some treatment for the anxiety realsoonnow. I am not really sure what flavour of anxiety I have exactly as to be honest, I never really looked into it before and certainly didn't understand any of it. I suppose that's the same for most people who haven't experienced it. Any kind of negative thought, external excitement or overstimulation, crowds, social engagements being arranged for me by family or an early morning work appointment etc can trigger tight chest, apnoea, palps, the urge to flee or rage and general 'vibrating' but also bouts of insomnia and restlessness (especially if I know I have to get up early). I can't even play computer games and struggle to motivate myself to do things I know I enjoy generally :( I also seem to have lost all my friends over the years due to my lack of social willingness and general laxity in communicating too so yeah, my crisis point was a very lonely experience mostly because the one person who I know loves me was not understanding me at that time - we're in a better place now.

    So that's the recent potted history but I have a longer history of social awkardness and social anxiety, but have worked at festivals and events and nightclubs around lots of messed up people over the years, which may have actually made me worse. Oh the stories... anyway I stopped getting messed up myself a long time ago, I rarely drink more than half a pint of beer these days and certainly can't wake and bake any more, in fact THC triggers my anxiety pretty badly... CBD seems to help a bit, especially with the sleep but it's not a silver bullet for sure.

    I read a few of the guides on NMP about 12 months ago when I started to realise I was suffering from anxiety and came back today to sign up.

    Oh I have a whippet too! He's anxious also, especially tonight (BANG BANG!) but we're a right pair. He's my other best friend, apart from my wife.

    So, here's an awkward wave from me and this is me hitting send before I read this back and start editing

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    8,333

    Welcome to No More Panic!

    Hiya ShiveringWhippet and welcome to NMP

    Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
    are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

    I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
    support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way
    __________________
    Emmz xx

    nolite te basstardes carborundorum





  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,918

    Re: Awkward waving

    I do most things awkwardly lol

    Hi Shiv (Shivering Whippet is a magnificent name)

    Welcome to the forum!
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    203

    Re: Awkward waving

    Quote Originally Posted by ShiveringWhippet View Post
    Hi all, if I think to much about what I am going to type, I'll never type it so I'll just crash on and hit send

    Middle aged bloke here who was made redundant a couple of years ago from a place I invested my heart and soul into (green energy), I think I was in shock for the the whole time I was applying for jobs (redundancy was actually pretty traumatic for me and totally new and totally unexpected) and suffered from depression while failing to find another job in my chosen field (conservation) then found a part-time job in a slightly different field (wildlife products), realised I was pretty seriously depressed and started looking for help (was diagnosed and signed up for a clinical trial - the macro psilocybin one) and was really chuffed for a bit but then started suffering from anxiety as well, leading to a bit of a borderline crisis earlier this year. It also led to me being ejected from the trial due to my anxiety, which made me sad as I was looking forward to facing the depression with some help. Anyway, I managed to hang on to my new job, just about, but I know I ruined my potential there and am still on probation a year later and it kindof feels a bit like a Sword of Damocles...

    Then we had lockdown and I was furloughed which on the one hand was strangely comforting as I felt like I had been in lockdown and beating myself up for it for a couple of years and I was being told to stay at home and take pictures of wildlife and watch Twitch for a few months in glorious weather. I didn't continue looking for help (I went to see a therapist once and she said she wanted to work with me but then didn't rely to my email - which was a bit off putting!) and had a few periods of relative normality during the summer, which was lush but this anxiety isn't going away. I feel like the depression is manageable at this stage but I am wary about it coming back, I still feel pretty fragile. I am going to need to get some treatment for the anxiety realsoonnow. I am not really sure what flavour of anxiety I have exactly as to be honest, I never really looked into it before and certainly didn't understand any of it. I suppose that's the same for most people who haven't experienced it. Any kind of negative thought, external excitement or overstimulation, crowds, social engagements being arranged for me by family or an early morning work appointment etc can trigger tight chest, apnoea, palps, the urge to flee or rage and general 'vibrating' but also bouts of insomnia and restlessness (especially if I know I have to get up early). I can't even play computer games and struggle to motivate myself to do things I know I enjoy generally :( I also seem to have lost all my friends over the years due to my lack of social willingness and general laxity in communicating too so yeah, my crisis point was a very lonely experience mostly because the one person who I know loves me was not understanding me at that time - we're in a better place now.

    So that's the recent potted history but I have a longer history of social awkardness and social anxiety, but have worked at festivals and events and nightclubs around lots of messed up people over the years, which may have actually made me worse. Oh the stories... anyway I stopped getting messed up myself a long time ago, I rarely drink more than half a pint of beer these days and certainly can't wake and bake any more, in fact THC triggers my anxiety pretty badly... CBD seems to help a bit, especially with the sleep but it's not a silver bullet for sure.

    I read a few of the guides on NMP about 12 months ago when I started to realise I was suffering from anxiety and came back today to sign up.

    Oh I have a whippet too! He's anxious also, especially tonight (BANG BANG!) but we're a right pair. He's my other best friend, apart from my wife.

    So, here's an awkward wave from me and this is me hitting send before I read this back and start editing
    Welcome ShiveringWhippet, loving the name! You’ll find plenty of advice and support here.

  5. #5

    Re: Welcome to No More Panic!

    Quote Originally Posted by venusbluejeans View Post
    Hiya ShiveringWhippet and welcome to NMP

    Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
    are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

    I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
    support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way
    Thanks for the welcome Emmz, I've been digging through the articles again.

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    I do most things awkwardly lol

    Hi Shiv (Shivering Whippet is a magnificent name)

    Welcome to the forum!
    Thanks Nora, yeah - to think I spent 10 years typing publicly on the internet and now it make me cringe! Hah I was trying to think of a username while signing up and looked round at him on bonfire night and was inspired (bless him x)

    Quote Originally Posted by Redsmum View Post
    Welcome ShiveringWhippet, loving the name! You’ll find plenty of advice and support here.
    Aww thanks - I am glad you like it. I am going to be lurking for a few days absorbing. Also getting used to this forum software again! Took me a while to do the multiquote

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