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Thread: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

  1. #31
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    Re: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

    Oh yes...Serial killers too. The morbid fascination angle..

    Life was a lot easier when they were younger.. I didn't know it at the time though.

  2. #32
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    Re: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    Oh yes...Serial killers too. The morbid fascination angle..

    Life was a lot easier when they were younger.. I didn't know it at the time though.
    I remember rooting through my dad's Sven Hassell books when I was younger..

    Re serial killers, I like to understand why people do things, and serial killers are not born, they're made - so it interests and upsets me at the same time. And when I say upset, I don't just mean their victims because I can't help but feel some empathy for those kids who were treated so abhorrently that they themselves became abusers and ultimately, murderers.

    I try to balance this stuff up with nice books about cats called Bob.
    Last edited by NoraB; 10-11-20 at 10:56.
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  3. #33
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    Re: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    It took me 46 years, but, yeah, I got there in the end lol

    Al I can say is that I think somebody was working overtime for me *points to the sky* because I really should have come to harm so many times, but I didn't. One day, many years later, I saw a medium (one of the genuine ones) and she told me that my grandmother (deceased since I was 6) was protecting me. In her mind she saw me surrounded by barbed wire, and although it has to be said that I have been abused and encountered physical harm as well as mental, there have been many occasions where I've felt protected..

    One day I was driving home from work - doing 50 in a 50 zone because the conditions were fine. It was a route I took every day. This one day I heard somebody almost shout, 'SLOW DOWN!'. There was only me in the car, and nobody about!

    Now, there was no apparent reason to slow down, but I did slow down, and the next thing - a lorry pulled out in front of me. Because I'd slowed down, I had time to swerve onto the other side of the road to avoid the lorry. The skid marks were there for days afterwards. (ones on the road, not in ma pants lol) It was obvious the driver hadn't seen me because of the look on his face. Later on, I realised that, if I hadn't obeyed that voice - I would have ploughed into the side of the lorry because we are talking a matter of seconds between me hearing the voice and reacting. A little Punto slamming into the side of a truck? Game over time, or serious injuries. The other odd thing was the lack of oncoming traffic. This was drivetime zone and usually it was busy, but there was no oncoming traffic - which meant that I didn't hit anything on the other side!

    I don't know if it was my Gran or who, but somebody intervened and saved my life.

    Re everything else? Maybe it's all been part of the plan? Maybe I had to go through some serious shit in order to be strong for my vulnerable son and protect him in a way that my parents never protected me, not because they were bad parents (on the contrary, they were the best) but I couldn't verbalise what was in my head or what was happening to me. At home, I was always in my room listening to music, reading, or watching TV with my dad. Like my son, school was school and home was home. I never talked about my day. How could they have helped me when they didn't know anything was wrong? Mum, I think was autistic herself, and I always remember her saying this to me: 'You're here, but you seem to be very far away'. She didn't understand how accurate that was because I had to be somewhere else in my head in order to survive. Far from being unimaginative, as people presume with autistics - I have a very vivid and intense inner world. Or I did before I had a breakdown..

    In later years I was able to tell my mother about the bullying at school but the expression of hurt on her face made me understand that I could never tell her the worst of what has happened to me. If the tame stuff hurt her so much, she wouldn't cope with the rest. So I told it all to a therapist instead - someone whose heart wasn't going to break when I told my story. I loved my mother, so I spared her the pain, but I guess she knows everything there is to know now because I don't think there are any secrets in 'heaven'.

    At the end of the day, I know that all roads have brought me here, to a place where I have a bloke who loves me, even though I do his head in, and I have three boys who I would die for. To change one shitty thing in my life but be to change it all, and I would go through it all again to have my children.

    Bloody hell, I've come over all emosh!
    Thank you for sharing your story though. That was amazing that something shouted slow down. I almost stepped in the road as a fire truck was turning the corner. If I was 1 second earlier crossing that road I'd have been dead.

    And you might be right, maybe in life you had to experience things to become who you are now. Like lessons in life. And it god damn sucks that some people have to go through some very difficult times.
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  4. #34
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    Re: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    Yes she is and she also has Maudsley diagnosed OCD, severe anxiety and depression. My son is on quite a cocktail of meds but he's started his therapy now after a year long wait. The trauma is still with him but he is functioning better thanks.

    I don't think I'll ever be a grandmother though....although I'm an expert on washing machine brands, the Lion King, female singers killed in their prime and Andrex loo rolls!
    I will never had a child of my own. I've got my stepson who I have raised from a 1 year old. We're close and he respects me so I devote my life to him like I would my own. His Dad died 2 months after my own.

    I'm a jaffa. Means I have no swimmers. The really strange thing about this was from the age of 11 my friends nick named me jaffa. I have no idea why because I don't like jaffa cakes.

    I am the end of my line. The branch on my tree has no leaves
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  5. #35
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    Re: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

    You may not have a biological son but you're still a great father figure to your boy and that's all that matters. It takes more than a seed to be a real Dad.

  6. #36
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    Re: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    You may not have a biological son but you're still a great father figure to your boy and that's all that matters. It takes more than a seed to be a real Dad.
    Thank you Pulisa. That means a lot to me.
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  7. #37
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    Re: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

    Quote Originally Posted by WiredIncorrectly View Post
    Thank you for sharing your story though. That was amazing that something shouted slow down. I almost stepped in the road as a fire truck was turning the corner. If I was 1 second earlier crossing that road I'd have been dead.
    Something similar happened with my eldest. He's always maintained (and I believe him) that he went to step out into the road and somebody pulled him back onto the pavement. Only nobody was there. A second later, a car came speeding round the corner and he reckons it would have hit him for sure had he carried on across the road.

    I really have had too many experiences to doubt that there's something a lot bigger going on in this universe...

    And you might be right, maybe in life you had to experience things to become who you are now. Like lessons in life. And it god damn sucks that some people have to go through some very difficult times.
    I don't think we can grow (spiritually) without challenges..
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  8. #38
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    Re: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

    Quote Originally Posted by WiredIncorrectly View Post
    I will never had a child of my own. I've got my stepson who I have raised from a 1 year old. We're close and he respects me so I devote my life to him like I would my own. His Dad died 2 months after my own.
    I think your stepson is very lucky to have you.

    I am the end of my line. The branch on my tree has no leaves
    Sure it does - your stepson. This little leaf attached itself to your tree the day you chose to love him as your own. It's you who will shape him into the man he will become and he will pass those qualities on.

    This is much bigger than biology my friend...
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  9. #39
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    Re: What if I am the center of my own Universe?

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    Sure it does - your stepson. This little leaf attached itself to your tree the day you chose to love him as your own. It's you who will shape him into the man he will become and he will pass those qualities on.
    That was an awesome rebuttal.

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    This is much bigger than biology my friend...
    That sentence hit me. Thank you Nora.
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