Obsessive Checking Behaviours

[Outofplace]

Hi everyone, It's been years since I last posted on here so I'm practically new! I have had health anxiety (along with generalised anxiety and depression, rotating in a fun circle!) all my life since i was a teenager, I am now 38.

I wanted to asked you all for your experiences and whether you have obsessive checking behaviours related to your health anxiety? My mum had anxiety and I used to watch her self-check in an obsessive way to the point she would bruise herself. I sometimes obsessively feel for lumps until I hurt myself and feel sore. My latest has been checking the tissue after wiping myself (the front for what its worth! also sorry for the gross TMI) to check for blood. I'll hold the tissue up in different lights to make sure there isnt any tinge at all. I remember my mum doing this when I was really young, she used to get me to check the tissue and keep asking 'does that look like blood to you?' I also will constantly check any new spots and moles and things and just keep staring at them and comparing them to other ones on my body.

I guess I'm sharing this to read others experiences and the kinds of things they do so I don't feel so alone. I can't talk to my husband about it or anyone really. It can feel really isolating having this building panic and the slightest thing I feel wrong with my body triggers this huge fear that can last for weeks. I can be fine then all of a sudden something will trigger it and I snowball!

[WorriedOlive]

Hi everyone, It's been years since I last posted on here so I'm practically new! I have had health anxiety (along with generalised anxiety and depression, rotating in a fun circle!) all my life since i was a teenager, I am now 38.

I wanted to asked you all for your experiences and whether you have obsessive checking behaviours related to your health anxiety? My mum had anxiety and I used to watch her self-check in an obsessive way to the point she would bruise herself. I sometimes obsessively feel for lumps until I hurt myself and feel sore. My latest has been checking the tissue after wiping myself (the front for what its worth! also sorry for the gross TMI) to check for blood. I'll hold the tissue up in different lights to make sure there isnt any tinge at all. I remember my mum doing this when I was really young, she used to get me to check the tissue and keep asking 'does that look like blood to you?' I also will constantly check any new spots and moles and things and just keep staring at them and comparing them to other ones on my body.

I guess I'm sharing this to read others experiences and the kinds of things they do so I don't feel so alone. I can't talk to my husband about it or anyone really. It can feel really isolating having this building panic and the slightest thing I feel wrong with my body triggers this huge fear that can last for weeks. I can be fine then all of a sudden something will trigger it and I snowball!

I completely relate to this and I am currently on another wave of obsessive checking relating to my BMs and the colour of them, looking for red like yourself so you are not alone! My checking behaviour has become so obsessive I’ve resorted to taking pictures and downloading a colour blind app to check what colour it says it is.. I know this is unhealthy behaviour but I find it impossible to get my OCD under control once a health worry starts!

I’m about to enrol on a new round of CBT to try and combat these obsessions. I hope you’re receiving the help you need x

[Outofplace]

I completely relate to this and I am currently on another wave of obsessive checking relating to my BMs and the colour of them, looking for red like yourself so you are not alone! My checking behaviour has become so obsessive I’ve resorted to taking pictures and downloading a colour blind app to check what colour it says it is.. I know this is unhealthy behaviour but I find it impossible to get my OCD under control once a health worry starts!

I’m about to enrol on a new round of CBT to try and combat these obsessions. I hope you’re receiving the help you need x

Thank you! It helps just to know I’m not the only one as I can’t find anything relevant to that online. I hope your new CBT works. I haven’t actually tried anything new for years. Have had counselling and medication in the past but I never stick to it so currently I’m not doing anything to help ease it.

[carriewriting]

Outofplace you are most definitely not alone. It'll only take 10 minutes of reading here to learn most people with HA have obsessive checking behaviours like this. It's really tough to stop doing it, but it can be done.

I used to check my breasts several times a day but reigned it in to once a month. I told myself I would only check once a month and picked a day. Sometimes I had to sit on my hands to stop myself doing it, but I kept reminding myself that I would wait until that day. It was really tough in the beginning, but after a few weeks the compulsion grew weaker. Knowing that helps when I have to fight new compulsions.Having that success helps when new compulsions arise.

For example, this week I've noticed (because I notice any minuscule change in my body) that a tiny bruise on the top of my foot hasn't gone away and it's been two weeks since I first saw it. Cue a rush of panicked thoughts about this being due to something serious. For the next 24 hours I couldn't stop examining it in different lights and taking photos of it. Finally I pulled myself up and realised I was in a spiral that would only get worse. So I've made an appointment with my GP and made a commitment to myself that I won't look at it again until I see her.

I find CBT (when I remember to do my exercises) helps a lot with short-term HA panic. But it wasn't helping with the underlying fear and dread I had everyday about something being wrong with me. I've just started schema therapy to try and get to the bottom of it. There is a schema (belief) called Vulnerability to harm that seems directly linked to health anxiety. The situation you describe with your mum is the kind of thing they believe leads to this schema so might be worth looking into.

All the best x

[Outofplace]

Outofplace you are most definitely not alone. It'll only take 10 minutes of reading here to learn most people with HA have obsessive checking behaviours like this. It's really tough to stop doing it, but it can be done.

I used to check my breasts several times a day but reigned it in to once a month. I told myself I would only check once a month and picked a day. Sometimes I had to sit on my hands to stop myself doing it, but I kept reminding myself that I would wait until that day. It was really tough in the beginning, but after a few weeks the compulsion grew weaker. Knowing that helps when I have to fight new compulsions.Having that success helps when new compulsions arise.

For example, this week I've noticed (because I notice any minuscule change in my body) that a tiny bruise on the top of my foot hasn't gone away and it's been two weeks since I first saw it. Cue a rush of panicked thoughts about this being due to something serious. For the next 24 hours I couldn't stop examining it in different lights and taking photos of it. Finally I pulled myself up and realised I was in a spiral that would only get worse. So I've made an appointment with my GP and made a commitment to myself that I won't look at it again until I see her.

I find CBT (when I remember to do my exercises) helps a lot with short-term HA panic. But it wasn't helping with the underlying fear and dread I had everyday about something being wrong with me. I've just started schema therapy to try and get to the bottom of it. There is a schema (belief) called Vulnerability to harm that seems directly linked to health anxiety. The situation you describe with your mum is the kind of thing they believe leads to this schema so might be worth looking into.

All the best x

Thank you, I’m going to look into schema now. And it helps to know I’m not alone x

[Worrywart84]

I have done this countless times for countless things. My oldest kid is getting to the age where she will notice if I do something like this and so I am really trying hard not to let any of them see me self-checking (or checking something on them obsessively) because I don’t want to pass on this behavior.

Sometimes I have a tendency to say, “well I am just going to feel that lymph node one more time” (almost like bargaining with my own brain.) But then what I found works better to break the cycle is to say, “no, I do not need to touch this one more time. It is fine and I will give myself permission to check it again in a week but no more until then.” That seems to help.

[Outofplace]

I have done this countless times for countless things. My oldest kid is getting to the age where she will notice if I do something like this and so I am really trying hard not to let any of them see me self-checking (or checking something on them obsessively) because I don’t want to pass on this behavior.

Sometimes I have a tendency to say, “well I am just going to feel that lymph node one more time” (almost like bargaining with my own brain.) But then what I found works better to break the cycle is to say, “no, I do not need to touch this one more time. It is fine and I will give myself permission to check it again in a week but no more until then.” That seems to help.

Thank you, I definitely find the more I check for things the more I will continue checking. If I check for lumps (or blood on tissue paper etc etc) and there is nothing there within minutes I start convincing myself I saw/felt something so I better check again to be sure. It’s like I forget it just don’t trust myself and then I can spiral and spend ages doing it.

[WorriedOlive]

It’s like I forget it just don’t trust myself and then I can spiral and spend ages doing it.

I also do this! When I get fixated on checking for lumps I actually sometimes write down ‘there is not a lump there’ and then 5 minutes later I don’t trust my own note to myself and think ‘ok just one last time!’ and repeat! I don’t have any advise but again, it helps to know you are not alone x

[Debsi77]

Reading your messages and nodding away here as I do all of the above!
Checking a lump several times, staring at a mole again and again, taking photos of them - it's obsessive!
Once the feeling passes its like I become totally rational again and find myself shaking my head and saying to myself why was I worrying about it? It's nothing to worry about!
So I'm fine for sometimes weeks on end then it rears its ugly head again with a new mole, lump, itch etc to obsess over!!

[Outofplace]

Reading your messages and nodding away here as I do all of the above!
Checking a lump several times, staring at a mole again and again, taking photos of them - it's obsessive!
Once the feeling passes its like I become totally rational again and find myself shaking my head and saying to myself why was I worrying about it? It's nothing to worry about!
So I'm fine for sometimes weeks on end then it rears its ugly head again with a new mole, lump, itch etc to obsess over!!

It can just come out nowhere can’t it? I can be fine and something will trigger it. Either seeing or feeling something not right with my body or maybe someone on TV talking about cancer or something and that will start it up again. And it’s always very specific with me. I mean, I can worry about anything! But the worst and the ones I obsess over the most are female specific cancers. There’s no logic to it when I’m like this but when it goes away for a bit as you say, you can see it clearer and apply logic to it. Believe it or not usually I am a very rational person but there’s no place for that with anxiety!