Re: Overwhelmed by so much right now!
Originally Posted by
Pearly queen
I feel very sad for both of my relatives and am trying hard NOT to make this about me.
I already replied to this thread but it must have been one of those times when the internet dropped out and all was lost. 
Problem is that you are making this about you, only it's not because you're a self-centred, but because you have health anxiety. This is how people with HA react to illness around them.
I am desperate to be rid of health anxiety. I've tried nlp, hypnotherapy, read books on the subject, meditation, yoga, journaling, praying. Nothing has worked if fact things are worse than ever. I know I am being negative and hopeless but I can't see a way out right now.
Desperation doesn't control HA - graft and determination does. You have to engage your brain and not use negative self-talk like 'hopeless' and 'I can't see a way out'. HA feeds on this as much as it does your scary health thoughts. You need to change the inner (and outer) dialogue to 'I can' and 'I will'. It doesn't matter how long it takes, or how wretched you feel, you are going to be well again and that's all there is to it! 
How do you stop the horror stories from making your HA spiral?
Maybe stop thinking of them as 'horror' stories? The Holocaust is horror. Cancer is part of life because disease is part of life and this disease is overwhelmingly down to environmental factors because familial cancers only account for something like 10% of all cancers. And in your case, they are not even your blood family - they are in-laws. It's sad when anybody we love gets ill, of course, but you need to try and keep things in context.
I understand you though because nothing has scared me more than the thought of not being here to bring up my youngest son as I was almost 40 when I had him and 2 years later my own mother died - which kicked HA off and triggered Fibromyalgia. A big part of my 'recovery' has been the acceptance that there are some things I just can't control, and when I die is one of them. All I can do is try to stay alive (cue The Bee Gees) and make the time I am here as memorable, educational and as loving as it can be for my son who is still only 11.
My friend died of cancer when she was 46 years old. She left an 8 year old son, and it upset me greatly. My HA was severe at that time, so it was always going to trigger me. My friend though - the one who was going through cancer - was living her life and cramming as much fun in as she could. She took her family to America, Italy and all over the place. She made some very happy memories for her son to remember her by. When she died, other people stepped up, and her son is in high school now and enjoying life. We forget how resilient children can be..
I can feel angry that my friend died so young, or I can choose to focus on the fact that she took cancer by the balls and gave it a run for it's money. I never, ever saw her feeling sorry for herself. She just got on with life and made the very best of the time she did have, and, in the end, that's all any of us can do. The blessing was that she got to do all those 'bucket list' things and most importantly she got to say goodbye. She got to leave birthday presents for her son up to the age of 18. Some mothers don't get the chance to do this, and given the choice, I would take some time, over none at all. It's not lost on me that many people who have cancer say that they lived their very best lives after a cancer diagnosis. People can be alive for 100 years but that doesn't mean they've had quality in their lives..
If you can accept illness and death as part of life,you will control the HA, because these are the fears which keep us from living, and when I think of my friend I think the best way to honour her memory is to live the best life I can regardless of obstacles and make each moment count. X
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