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Thread: Hopelessness

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
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    16,747

    Re: Hopelessness

    I don't believe that.

    Support in life means support whenever. It's not qualified or quantified. Why should she be disappointed in you? You are human and in distress.

    Just because you have a high powered job doesn't mean you're immune from the dark times. We all need help when things feel overwhelming. You haven't let her down.

    You're not well and that's not your fault. No one will judge you-it happens to the strongest people who just can't take anymore. We all have our limits.

  2. #12
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Hopelessness

    And just to add that both my adult children have complex mental health issues and I would hate them to feel as if they were suffering alone. Please talk to her xx

  3. #13
    Join Date
    May 2019
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    55

    Re: Hopelessness

    I would welcome that hug, Inanna. So scared and ashamed. Not sure how I ended up here at 43 years old. Thank you for your compassion.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    55

    Re: Hopelessness

    I look at it more that I owe her the effort of trying to sound okay to not make her worry about me at 67.

    My career is not prestigious, but I feel guilty that I'm responsible for so many people and should have things figured out, but that secretly I'm a tragic mess. I don't know how to move forward. Just feel trapped and so many other emotions.

    Thank you, Pulisa. Grateful for the responses today. Pretty rough day today, can't stop crying. Ugh.

  5. #15
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    Mar 2016
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    4,918

    Re: Hopelessness

    Quote Originally Posted by erincassells View Post

    My depression has increasingly developed over circumstances in the past 10 years. Watching a lifelong best friend of mine die at an early age in her 40's was rough and I miss her still terribly, things became considerably worse for me then.
    I understand you here too. My friend was 46 when she died..

    The challenge is convincing myself that I deserve better than what I'm experiencing right now and that feeling better is possible. It's very hard to imagine and see that right now
    Again, I understand you because I've experienced that bleakness and hopelessness that comes when contemplating a future when the present (and the past) is so hard to bear. But I'm happy now because I made changes. Nobody waved a magic wand and made things better, although I often wished they would. I decided one day that I'd had enough of being unhappy. I wanted to be happy andin order to be happy major changes had to be made and I was the only one who could make them.

    You have your mum, and that means you have somebody. We're all here to listen too. You're not as alone as you think.

    I got there in the end, and I'm sure that, with support, you will get there too. This is your story and you can absolutely change the script.

    You deserve to be happy, so make it happen. X
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  6. #16
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    Jun 2014
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    16,747

    Re: Hopelessness

    Quote Originally Posted by erincassells View Post
    I look at it more that I owe her the effort of trying to sound okay to not make her worry about me at 67.

    My career is not prestigious, but I feel guilty that I'm responsible for so many people and should have things figured out, but that secretly I'm a tragic mess. I don't know how to move forward. Just feel trapped and so many other emotions.

    Thank you, Pulisa. Grateful for the responses today. Pretty rough day today, can't stop crying. Ugh.

    It's a mother's role to worry about her children's mental wellbeing. I'm in my early sixties and have my own mental health challenges but I still deal 24/7 with my children's mental health and i'm still standing and not prepared to throw in the towel yet. Don't keep your mum in the dark over this. You know you want help..Please give her a chance to listen to you and to help?

  7. #17
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: Hopelessness

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    It's a mother's role to worry about her children's mental wellbeing. I'm in my early sixties and have my own mental health challenges but I still deal 24/7 with my children's mental health and i'm still standing and not prepared to throw in the towel yet. Don't keep your mum in the dark over this. You know you want help..Please give her a chance to listen to you and to help?
    I agree with that, and I'll tell you why..

    I couldn't talk to my parents about any of the crap things that happened to me. I was in my mid-thirties when I finally told my mum about the bullying I endured at school. This in comparison to what happened after school - was tame, but I will never forget the look of hurt on my mother's face. I mean, I get it now because I'm a mother too and I would be incredibly hurt if my children were going through something awful and didn't tell me - so, yes, let your mum in.
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  8. #18
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    Dec 2018
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    119

    Re: Hopelessness

    hey there,

    im not much good with words, but i definitely understand where you're coming from with how you feel. i just want you to know that you absolutely do not need to feel ashamed for being in distress. we are all human and we are not perfect machines. especially when we're under a large amount of stress. there's no shame in asking for help from your mother. you are NOT and you will never will be a burden, you matter just as much as anyone else should. your mother's love for you is apparent and i bet she would do whatever she could for you in a heartbeat if you let her in.

    i know what it's like to feel shame for your lowest points. it seems like you might be giving yourself very, very high expectations of yourself and right now, you aren't in much of a good state at the moment and you can't achieve those personal expectations of yourself, thus making you feel like a mess and a failure. i will be the first one to say that i promise that you are not a failure. you are a human being who is in a lot of physical and emotional/mental discomfort and you need help, but are afraid of being an emotional burden on your loved ones by asking for help. (also by the way, im not sure if any of us have things truly "figured out" so please dont feel like you need to have everything in a neat pile now. i think you're doing well despite how you're feeling, i think you are very strong for keeping on)

    i cant tell you how sorry i am that you had to go through what you went through. seeing a beloved friend of yours slowly pass in such a way can absolutely be traumatic for someone and you should not feel shame for that. trauma can affect us in many ways, both mentally and physically. there isnt anything wrong with how you process trauma. im not sure precisely how many of your physical symptoms might be caused by pre-menopause (like another friend on here said), something other than that or just strictly stress, but i'd be willing to wager a good amount of your symptoms are stress related. it wont kill you, but it feels like it will (and sometimes you wish it would).

    i hope you're having a better day today. please try to take care of yourself, drink plenty of water (cliche i know but ice cold water is nice and makes you feel good and is good for you and you deserve that) and maybe practice some good self-care techniques. what do you like to do in your spare time? any hobbies that bring you comfort?

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
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    216

    Re: Hopelessness

    How are you today Erin? Don't be afraid to share, if anyone understands, it's us. I'm so glad you reached out. I very much relate to what you wrote about the feeling of doom and the overwhelm at feeling so out of control of mind and body. You are not alone x

  10. #20
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    55

    Re: Hopelessness

    Thanks for the additional posts, was not aware of the last few and reading them takes a bit of the sting out of waking up to another day.

    I'm trying hard to stay optimistic and find hope, but mostly my brain automatically goes to "This is it? I'll likely be dead by 50..."

    Woke up with heart palpitations, severe constipation (fiber and water intake is good), have gained 2 more lbs the last few weeks, severely bloated, migraines. This is the next 10 years of my life, and then a likely terrifying diagnosis? Armpit and left breast bothering me for last week, my next annual mamm is in Feb. Brushful of hair this morning.

    Have had a million blood labs drawn, a CT, 2 endoscopy, colonoscopy, a upper GI, abdominal and pelvic ultrasounds, mammograms.

    Feel awful every day and nothing I do makes a difference. Absolutely nothing.

    I will not continue to live this way. It's not worth it and I truly believe my best years are in the rear view.

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