Hi Guys

I am struggling again with panic attacks only minor ones thank god but they make me feel ill all the same

I’ve been feeling edgy for a couple of weeks and it’s all come to a head on Friday

It was the anniversary of my Mams death on 17th November that was a hard week I have found out the last couple of weeks I am at risk of redundancy due to my dept not opening again after the covid shut down

We are having group consultations and in the new year there will be individual ones and we will have to apply for any job we want

The thought of all this is filling me with dread I only work 12 hours a week because my son has Autism and I am his carer (he’s 19 now) it took such a lot for me to force myself to get this job 9 years ago

I’m petrified of covid one of my daughters is asthmatic and my son is too but only mild both me and my husband work in supermarkets so I worry he or me or both will get ill what will happen to my son

My youngest daughter is due to leave home any day now she has bought a house with her partner this makes me sad although I am happy for her

This is what I am currently feeling

Fed up
Can’t see anything to look forward to
Neck and upper back hurts
Chest hurts
Nervous stomach(all the time)
Ibs flare up
My right eye has been twitching for weeks
Mini panic attacks

I have a fear of doctors hospitals I have a good doctor who has helped me a lot and I feel I should probably speak to her but I get scared she will refer me for tests how would I cope with that?

My husband and kids are brilliant I have 3 grown up daughters but they have started arguing amongst themselves and blaming each other for my problems

I feel like I’m trapped and I’m not living a life at the minute just surviving this anxiety every day

I do have ibs I also have fibromyalgia and a under active thyroid my trapezius muscles are in constant spasm they make my chest hurt and affect my jaw which to me makes me think a heart attack is imminent which is what my mam does of suddenly at 62 sometimes I can just reassure myself and get on with it but it’s difficult right now going work is hard but if I don’t go how is that going to look when they decide who they are keeping on

I wish I could rid myself of this condition it makes life so hard sometimes

Sorry to go on 😔 Thanks for reading xx