Re: Mild Spleen Enlargement
Originally Posted by
Nikky123
I have no clue why. I really thought I had this health anxiety beat but I guess not. It’s terrifying how quickly ones mind goes from zero to sixty. The sleep deprivation and newborn hormones don’t help at all. I think it really stems from a horrifying fear of dying young and leaving my children motherless. Seriously ruined my entire day as I spent it poking and prodding my stomach a googling like a mad woman instead of enjoying my precious kiddos
HA is a thief. It will steal all the joy of parenting if you allow this to go on..
I get it though because it happened to me. Had death crooked his bony finger my way 12 years ago - I probably wouldn't have developed HA because I was mentally knackered I had two grown up sons who no longer needed me. Then I had my third son at 39 and life mattered again. The thought of dying on him - an autistic child- put me into nervous breakdown.
In order to gain control - I had to accept that I could become ill (but that doesn't necessarily mean death) and I will definitely die one day and if I check out earlier than I'd want to - my son will be supported because he has other people who love him. If I've done my job correctly - the close relationships he has developed with his brothers, dad, and friends makes him not reliant on me. Maybe it didn't help that he was all me at the time of my breakdown?
The dude's 11 now - a tween - and he's grumpy as hell so there are fewer of those magical moments - even so - when they do happen, I'm here to enjoy them, and by here I mean fully present - not worrying about symptoms.
I know I have now - and that's all any of us really have.
So many precious moments have been ruined by me not being here - like you are not fully here now.
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A thought is harmless unless we believe it.