Well here we go... 150mg

[panic_down_under]

I always consult Dr Google... but... I haven't done this for 4 days now. I made a promise to myself I would never google symptoms again.

Good!! Dr Google is a quack who apparently can't tell the difference between a paper cut and terminal cancer, if HA forums are any guide.

Im starting one cbt on the 15th and I have a telephone doctors appointment on the 17th for a catch up since I increased my dose so I will ask her then.

I know it's still early days, Ava, but is the CBT helping?

I have realised I need to change the way I react to things. I need to talk to family and then the doctor if needed rather than keeping quiet, consulting Dr google then worrying it all in my head.

Yep. The squeaky hinge gets the oil. Suffering in silence never gets us anywhere.

Ian you are a massive help to me through this and I just want you to know I am thankful.

Cool. All part of the service...er...um...you did sign up for the super deluxe NMP package didn't you?

[Paradise10]

Yes I signed up for the bells and whistles service, ha-ha.
I dont know if the cbt will help as not started till the 15th. Worth a shot though. Im going to go back to work tomorrow I think. Im working from home but I think it will give me some structure back. Im sure it won't be easy but at least its a focus during the day as at the minute I'm just wandering round aimlessly which I dont think is helping.

[panic_down_under]

Yes I signed up for the bells and whistles service, ha-ha.

Oh, good. I'm having a new house built atm and every time I talk to the builder another zero gets tacked onto the price so every extra farthing helps I'm having an extra expensive chat on Friday

I dont know if the cbt will help as not started till the 15th.

Sorry, misremembered. <--now you know why this is my avatar

Worth a shot though.

Definitely. Sadly, it never worked for me, but when it does it can make an enormous difference.

Im going to go back to work tomorrow I think. Im working from home but I think it will give me some structure back. Im sure it won't be easy but at least its a focus during the day as at the minute I'm just wandering round aimlessly which I dont think is helping.

No, it won't be. The less time an anxious mind has to ruminate the better. They're like 2yos, you need to keep them occupied/distracted or they'll spit the dummy, big time.

[Paradise10]

I'm not holding my breath with the cbt but can't knock it till I've tried it so I will give it a go.

Re the builder, tell him his payment is on the way from England, but what with covid and everything it may take awhile ;-)

[Paradise10]

Been a mixed bag today, came round to my parents this morning and was actually fairly chirpy ... I think it's the best I've felt up to now..
Walked to the shop for some stuff for my mum . This afternoon hasnt been so good though felt the anxiety creeping back in then it did go into full anxiety and I got the flushed cheeks. Tried to just keep busy and tided round and did some colouring, its eased a little but still there now. This is so frustrating, its like you get a glimmer of hope then it gets taken away. I have also had a headache for most of the day and get a weird nausea feeling after I yawn, which has been quite a lot. Also had some health anxiety again today.
I have spoken with my boss and I'm going back to work tomorrow, she knows why I have been off and she is very supportive and said if I need to leave early or go out for walks thats totally fine. I think the structure will do me good. Strange when I'd rather be at work than not! Bloody anxiety!!

Is this all normal for day 13 of an increase? I thought I would have seen more progress by now. Im worrying now that the ven won't work.
I guess I do know that 13 days isn't long enough but by God its frustrating!

[panic_down_under]

Is this all normal for day 13 of an increase? I thought I would have seen more progress by now. Im worrying now that the ven won't work.
I guess I do know that 13 days isn't long enough but by God its frustrating!

In as much as anything is "normal" with anxiety and ADs, yes it is and 13 days is not long enough for a dose increase is likely to become effective, except maybe throught the placebo effect. It could take up to 12 weeks, though 4-8 weeks is more likely.

Strange when I'd rather be at work than not! Bloody anxiety!!

Anxiety is clearly part of a capitalist conspiracy to keep peasants' noses to the grindstone. Viva da revolution!!

Re the builder, tell him his payment is on the way from England, but what with covid and everything it may take awhile ;-)

It would probably get to him even quicker. Got a water bill last week that took 10 weeks to travel 50 km/30 miles. An arthritic snail could have delivered it in less than half the time! Sigh. So now I'm up for a late payment fee, plus interest at 6%.

[Paradise10]

Wow do snails get arthritis?

Well another day... Another headache!
Last night wasn't that good, only way to describe it is that I felt weird! I didn't feel like I was me anymore, it was really freaky. I didn't have the anxiety but I still felt really frustrated and wound up. Decided to go to bed at 9.15 as I was getting on my own nerves. Sleep was having none of it. I was pacing round the bedroom at 11.30 with really bad agitation. It was like I was tired but wired. It eased eventually and slept through till 7 this morning but the anxiety and agitation are back with friends this morning! I am exhausted and not sure how much longer I can keep going with this. I know it's meant to get worse before better but jeez come on it's day 14 now, feel free to ease up any time about now! I know I am getting stressed and frustrated that I am not seeing more progress. My doctor didn't want to see me till I have been on the increase for 3 and a half weeks so I guess I can't evaluate before then.
Back at work now and set my laptop up at my parents house so I have to get up and out the house in the morning. I am facing out of the window here, whereas at home my desk is in the bedroom facing the wall. Plus there are people about here rather than being on my own all day. Only got one video meeting today so not overly busy but i will catch up with all my team at some point today too so I keep busy.

Right then Day 14, Let's do this!!
Ava x

[Paradise10]

Well almost completed my first day 'back' at work. Anxiety has been bubbling away low level all day, manageable just annoying not spilled over into full anxiety or panic. I thought it was going to but it didn't. Had a few spells of agitation though where I have had to get up and move my legs, and jig about, this seems to come on at the same time that I get a yawning spell and lasts about 15 mins to half hour. Had one at 12ish then again about half 2 and just recently. Mind is still going round quite a bit though although sometimes I can cut them off. I am still scanning myself 24/7. Wicked arm tension though, I can't decide if it's me that is super tense or if the ven is doing it a bit like the jaw clenching. Had that horrible feeling in my tummy all day too...
Still getting the aches around the left side of my chest, back and my arm but I still haven't googled. I will ask the doctor on the 17th about them.
That's almost a week that I haven't googled symptoms for so I am pleased with that as I have been tempted.
These side effects can do one now though!!
Till tomorrow my Ven buddies (or lack of... Ha-ha) Ava x

[panic_down_under]

Wow do snails get arthritis?

I doubt it, which is fortunate as they are pretty much all foot.

I get a yawning spell and lasts about 15 mins to half hour

Yawning is a relatively common side-effect of all serotonergic ADs and especially the citalopram and escitalopram twins. There are several hypotheses with an increase in body temperature seeming the more likely trigger (serotonin is involved in thermoregulation through its effects on the blood vessels of the skin). It usually diminishes within weeks, but it lingers for some.

I can't decide if it's me that is super tense or if the ven is doing it a bit like the jaw clenching.

I suspect it is a bit of both, Ava.

Well another day... Another headache!

Do you take anything for the headaches, and if so have you noticed any change to the agitation, yawning, or other side-effect afterwards?

[Paradise10]

I tend not to take anything for the headaches, I take 20mg Nortryptline before bed which I have taken for a long time and what with taking the ven in the morning I am reluctant to take more pills. I'm not even sure why I am on the nort, I think it was to help me sleep before I started ven. To be fair I have never had a problem sleeping since being on them so maybe they help with that. Conversation with my doctor next week maybe, not even sure if I need to be on them. My doctor sorts out my meds but I have wondered previously if I would be better seeing a psych doctor. I did see one years ago and he kept asking me what I thought I should take, I kind of sat there and thought 'isn't that why I am paying you' I never went and saw him again. I know some people have strong views on what they should take but I don't understand the meds so I always think they are the ones trained to know.

Well Day 15... Into the third week now!
The current theme at the moment is..... Agitation!! I think it's replaced the anxiety. It's like the ven has given my body to much to cope with, I feel like any minute I am going to start running round waving my arms in air. Not quite manic but a feeling like I am about to burst!! My brain feels the same way, I keep singing in my head and I feel the need to keep talking to everyone. It's freaking me out. Are they maybe too activating? Should I give it more time? It's quite scary. I feel like I am going to go over the edge at any moment.

Went home last night after work and had tea but I felt like I really rushed it... The had to stand up and agitate all through Eastenders (TV programme for anyone not in the UK) Then just zoned on the sofa for an hour or so before I went to bed. Nodded off quite quickly and slept right through to just before my alarm.
Drove to work (at the parents) and sat here now at my laptop with another headache.

So going into week 3 i would say i am experiencing...
Reduced anxiety
Agitation
Headaches
Waking up feeling like I've done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.
Loads of burping and the feeling that something in stuck in the middle of my chest. (indigestion maybe)

Got an online meeting now so I will catch up later.
Ava x