Afraid of losing my dog

[Carnation]

Poppy, live in the now with Chisum.
You can't make assumptions about years of life for an animal or human. That's why you need to live in the now. x

[.Poppy.]

Thank you, Darksky. I’ll give him plenty of hugs. You’re right Carnation, I keep telling myself that I only want to lose him once, and all of this fretting means I have to go through it daily up until it actually happens. I have to be more stubborn than the anxiety. I am still waking up in a panic and getting teary at times but am trying to ride the wave.

He has to get his staples out sometime next week - I think I’m going to see about having an in person vet appointment at that time and asking a couple of questions and clarifying what I need to be looking for, since he does have some lumps and bumps as a result of age. Then taking that on as a game plan moving forward. A bit of logic helps some, I just have to kick out the feelings of dread and anxiety in favor of the logic.

[.Poppy.]

I wanted to post here as I didn't want to derail Carnation's other thread with my doom and gloom. Trigger warning, I do discuss cancer.




Chisum had his anal gland removed last week, as there was a lump there that they suspected was adenocarcinoma. Recovery was pretty rough, probably the roughest of any of the surgeries he's had. But he seems to be doing better now.

The vet school called me back yesterday and confirmed it was adenocarcinoma. It was best case scenario she said - it was still small and they obviously got all of it when they removed his gland. He had another "mass" they removed, but she said it wasn't a mass at all, his gland just was oddly shaped (leave it to Chisum to be weird). He also had raised lymph nodes they sampled in case it had spread, but it hadn't - they're just reactive. I'm not surprised, he's had raised lymph nodes in various places for years; he's a bit of an odd duck.

Anyway, she gave me some suggestions: I could follow up with oncology (I know sometimes they do precautionary chemo for these types of tumors), she recommended rectal exams every 3-4 months, and if I could swing it, ultrasounds every 6 months as the reality is it will appear again sometime.

I plan to talk to my regular vet about it, and what she suggests. The thing is, with his health, my two main qualifiers of if I would intervene were: 1. can I afford it and 2. what is the prognosis/is this a one-and-done type of procedure. So, for his knee surgery it was easy - one surgery and he could walk again. A singular surgery to remove a mass would be the same. But I always said I wouldn't make him go through radiation or chemo, as it would require multiple vet visits and he is so anxious at the vet anyway. I don't think it would be kind and I don't think it would be something he'd choose if he could speak.

So, that rules out following up with oncology. It also likely means we won't do ultrasounds, as that may show if it spreads or pops up somewhere else, but ultimately if it does end up in his abdomen there wouldn't be feasible options to pursue anyway. I may or may not do the exams every 3-4 months; even if it appeared in his other anal gland I'm not sure if he'd want to go through that surgery again. But I'll think on that one.

So again, we are just forced to live in the now. I guess that's the way it goes. Right now, he is okay and I am very lucky for that. It could be months, it could be years before it comes to a head, but that's okay. I heard a saying that dogs don't know how much time they are "supposed" to have on this earth, so he certainly doesn't know anything may be wrong. He'll just know that he's having a lovely time while he's here.

Anyhow, I just needed to rant and type all of that out. I'll count my blessings and run off and give him a kiss.