Afraid of losing my dog

[.Poppy.]

How's your doggie doing?

FMP

Thanks for asking! Generally, he still seems fine which is good! He's peppy and loves to go out hiking on weekends, though that seems to wipe him out more than it used to, but he's still game for it so maybe that's just him getting a bit older.

We finish with the doxy on Wednesday and are back to the vet on Thursday, for sure for a temperature check but they may run his bloods again if his temp is down, though she's not optimistic that the levels will be any lower. Next steps will likely be an ultrasound at the vet school, but if the fever's gone with the doxy then I guess that will be a clue that can be eliminated. He's had some days of lower temps I think, but then some other times when it's back up again so I really don't know what's going on. I'm just keeping myself in check as best I can, and hoping that if we need an ultrasound there will be some answers (good ones!) there.

[.Poppy.]

We had our follow up. He still has a fever - 103.5 instead of 104.8 but still there. So the vet took more blood, as well as a urine sample, and then they did an abdominal X-ray and a chest X-ray. $450 later and they didn’t see anything glaringly obvious, but the X-rays will get sent off and so will the samples. She’ll likely call me tomorrow or next week with the results of those and then probably we will have to schedule with an internal medicine specialist for an ultrasound.

To be honest, this would be difficult anyway but in light of other things going on it feels really hard. It’s just too much to worry about at once, it honestly feels incredibly overwhelming. My mom said to take things one step at a time, and I feel bad because of course she has her own stuff to worry about.

The vet said it could be autoimmune. But who knows. And honestly he seems fine, aside from the persistent fever. My mom asked me financially at what point do I decide to not run a test and just let things be and, idk. Maybe after the ultrasound? I don’t want him to be unwell - and if he has a fever, even if he otherwise seems okay, he’s unwell - and I don’t want him to just randomly drop dead either. Nor do I want to be neglectful. But I do have limits, financially, though I really have no idea how I would set them without seeming like I don’t care about him at all.

[.Poppy.]

I took Chisum into the vet school this morning and am waiting for them to call me. The vet basically had five tests she wanted to run, but we started with the first three and will wait on the others just because of cost. So they are doing a urinalysis, aspirating some lymph nodes, and doing an ultrasound with I think an aspirate of his liver.

I am super nervous waiting to go get him. Idk if they will have the results when I go in. My mom came with me this morning but she had to go home to help my dad, so I have to go in alone which isn’t fun especially as hearing results is often the hardest.

If they don’t find anything they want to do a test of his synovial fluid and then maybe his CSF.

I am so afraid it’s going to be bad news. But I’m also very worried as no news is nearly just as stressful - a lot to go through and pay for with no answers or clear path forward. But hopefully they call me in the next hour, I feel really guilty having left him there.

[.Poppy.]

Lymph nodes were clear. Urine showed higher than normal protein, but that’s not abnormal with fever so technically it was clear as well.

His liver and spleen apparently looked “abnormal” on the ultrasound so they took aspirates of both. The spleen just had a weird texture they said, and his liver is still a bit large with one area that looked opaque. Idk what that means and they didn’t really seem to know themselves, just said that the cytologist would look at it and let me know tomorrow. Otherwise, the only thing would be more tests and both said that it’s very possible that even more tests won’t have an answer because sometimes things just don’t show up until they’re ready to.

So I’ll definitely be on eggshells tonight and likely tomorrow as well. He’s such a trooper. I need to call his regular vet tomorrow as he needs a med refill and an appointment for his heartworm shot but it feels a bit uphill as to be honest I’m kind of spent.

Funny thing, I got an email today from my work that we are getting appreciation bonus checks this Friday. It’s a nice thing, but I laughed with my mom that the money is already more than spent. Also, bonuses are not the norm where I work so it makes me wonder if they are doing this instead of raises - which really just confirms I’ll need to be on the job hunt soon.

[pulisa]

I'm sorry you have been left waiting and worrying, Poppy. I hope the cytologist gets back to you early on today and that there is news which is reassuring and not just "inconclusive" which is vet talk for "we need to do more tests and you need to spend more money".

How is Chisum in himself? Is he obviously unwell and in some degree of pain? How does he cope with vet visits and tests? Don't let the vet take advantage of your devotion to Chisum and your need to make sure you don't miss anything in terms of possible illness. If you are confident that the vet has Chisum's best interests at heart and not their bank balance then be guided by their advice based on what is affordable and practical for you and what you think Chisum could cope with.

Don't overthink the bonus cheque..Every little helps and you don't yet know about pay increase, I presume?

[.Poppy.]

Thanks, Pulisa. It's funny - I expected the vet school to be really into nickel and diming, at least based on reviews online, but so far they are the only ones we've seen that have discussed pricing. Granted, they didn't until my mom brought up costs (I'm so glad she came!) but even when I went back without her they were pricing things out for me and talking about the benefits of each test. Yesterday's visit was still pretty pricey, but it ended up being less than my quote as they did one of the tests for free as they looked at it themselves instead of sending to cytology, which again was really nice of them.

The individuals I saw was a 4th year student (so about to graduate) and a DVM who is a pretty recent graduate and is an intern. Both were so nice and helpful. The DVM mentioned that it may well be a matter of waiting to see if he develops more symptoms that point to a more obvious cause, as right now other than a fever and high ALP levels he is otherwise fine.

I have to say, I do wish I could have spoken to a senior clinician or an internist - not that I don't trust the doctors I saw but just that since his case is so strange I was hoping someone with a lot more experience would be able to say they had seen something similar before and offer a suggestion. But it's possible they share their notes with the senior clinicians and if something rings a bell it would come up.

He's still a bit sleepy and...off... this morning which they said would be normal last night, but I was hoping it would have worn off. Being me, of course I started to worry that they had hit or punctured something when they took their samples but I'm probably overreacting.

I do also hope they are able to get back to me this morning, as I'm at work now and am admittedly a bit afraid of just breaking down here if it is bad news. I guess at least I'm the only one in the office today.

[pulisa]

I think you should have faith in who you saw and what advice you were given. Younger professionals are often more clued up on the latest developments and are not jaded by years of practice. They are keen and want to do everything they can to impress their seniors who will be monitoring what they do. They would be the first people to alert their seniors and seek advice if they thought something strange was going on which needed urgent investigation.

Try not to overthink and fear all sorts of complications? You were told to expect him to be a bit "off". Waiting for the phone call will be horrible..I do hope the news is reassuring..

[.Poppy.]

You're right. Still no call, hopefully they do call soon. My mom stopped by my house as Chisum absolutely adores her, she said he went to the restroom and was happy to see her, but wasn't super full of energy or bouncing off the walls like he normally does, just a really calm tail wag. I'll mention it to the vet if they call, but to be honest I'm trying not to feel really guilty myself. I know I was trying to do the right thing but can't help but wonder what if I made things worse?

Going to try to finish up my work and then maybe head home to cuddle with him for awhile. It's admittedly really hard to see him ill and feel like I can't help him, but of course it's a process for everyone involved. I'm just...sad.

[.Poppy.]

I heard back - they didn't find anything sinister, so ultimately the results were "inconclusive". The next step, she said, is to take synovial fluid and test that. I asked about pricing and she said that was about $200, so it was honestly a lot less than I thought it would be - but she told me it was fine if I took a minute and thought about it. I think she's hoping they'll find something but isn't sure that they will.

I told her I would call her back as I wanted to give him a little time to rest before having to be sedated again. I got home from work today and he was a lot peppier, so I feel better about that. I have to take him to my regular vet for a heartworm shot, so I may ask her what she thinks/recommends and if she knows what they would be looking for (infection maybe?), though to be honest I'm not sure she'd know.

[pulisa]

Why not ask the vet who is suggesting doing the test instead of your regular vet who may just give you inaccurate information? I would want to know exactly what the test involved and what were the chances of getting a definitive diagnosis which would ultimately help Chisum and not just open the doorway for more tests which will leave you in a quandry.

It all depends on how important these tests actually are according to your vet and if she is a decent vet she will be honest with you. Also it comes down to Chisum and his quality of life. If nothing sinister is obvious it's about getting good pain control and giving the testing a break maybe? It's your call of course.