So, I've had a mild needle phobia since I was a child. Getting shots were unpleasant but someone else was there to manage the process.

Now I have to self-administer. I've done it 12 times and I still freak out every time at the point where I need to put the needle in. I hover, take it away, hover by the skin, take it away, my anxiety increases and increases and doesn't go down like it says it should do in exposure therapy. I burst into tears and shake and I can't put in a needle like that safely so I have to pause. I'm so frustrated because it takes up my time and I just want to get it done.

I know it is making my health better. It's improving my life. But still the distress is there - I'm bawling and it's so irrational and I hate feeling like this.

I think it's because I self harmed in the past and putting a needle in myself feels like self harm. I don't want to do that to myself. Even though I know logically it's helping me, it FEELS like I'm hurting myself. I think this is the core of the problem and I don't know how to get past this. I haven't been able to find anything online about dealing with this particular manifestation of a needle phobia - I'm not afraid of feeling faint, though I normally do afterwards.

The last few times, my boyfriend has skyped with me and that made it easier. He calmed me down while I was doing it. Today he's been unavailable and I tried to do it myself and I just can't. I'm going to wait for him to be available. I hate that I feel dependant on his help now though. I want to be able to do it alone without help. But I am a total mess here.

I feel ashamed that I need help and feel so much fear over something that logically is not frightening at all, and angry at myself.

How do I overcome this fear? What can I tell myself that will help me not link it to my history of self harm?