My vicious circle

[sagey]

I find reading the posts here is really helpful on making me consider things about my self that had never occured to me before.
I'm trying to address my vicious circle of anxiety leading to panic ,which seems purely because I can't/think I can't swallow. It is a problem I've had for more than a year and I haven't driven my car alone in this time because the prospect of causing an accident whilst in panic is so scary. Prior to all this, I have often been unable to eat in public because of swallowing worries. I only go out if my old man is with me and that is to a tiny shopping precinct to snatch the groceries. I'l only achieve this if it is a day when I can swallow which i test myself on before I go and whilst i'm out. Hubby knows that if I hand him the list and run back to the car, he's landed with doing the shopping!
I've worked out that the throat blockage seems to originate at the back of my nose so i'm trying flixonase to see if it will help (Icould have nasal polyps which can be helped by steroidal spray, so I read).
My bottom line is that if I can't swallow, I may gag and I may puke which would shame me and maybe frighten other people. I may have a touch of emetaphobia but it seems my brain is willing me to gag and this is the entire basis of my problem.
I hope i'm making sense but had better stop now as this is so long. I feel terrible guilt for letting down my husband and kids.

[Lilith1980]

You're not letting anyone down but you need to look after yourself. Have you looked for treatment for the nasal polyps (if it is that?) or have you gone to see your GP?

Best thing would be to see your doctor as you will hopefully be able to sort this out.

xxx

[sagey]

I'm hoping to walk to the surgery soon. I have trouble getting out and have lost nearly all my confidence over the last few months. The docs. is about 5 mins. walk and I need to get several short practise walks to build my confidence so that it isn't such a big deal to go there. Sometimes I'm so tense I can't actually speak. I badly need to get to the dentist as well and this is completely giving me the shakes.

[kate]

Hi Sagey,

The trouble with the what if thinking is that we always imagine something bad will happen without seeing the thought through to a logical, even positive, conclusion.

My bottom line is that if I can't swallow, I may gag and I may puke which would shame me and maybe frighten other people.

For example, the quote taken from your post. You may gag, so what would then happen? You may puke, so what again is the worst that could happen? and so on and so on until you ask yourself enough questions to exhaust the worry.

It could be that your worst worry is if you frighten people when you gag or puke. So, what would happen then? Yes, some people might be frightened but it is more likely that people would be more concerned that you are ok.

Do you see the point I'm trying to make? Even if our very worst fear is confirmed, the outcome is never, ever as dramatic as we would make out in our own minds.

Oh and forget the feeling guilty. I've done this soooo many times over the years. It is a completely useless emotion that just serves to lower our self esteem even further. You are coping as best you can whilst in a state of anxiety. Don't beat yourself up over it

Kate

[sagey]

Thanks Kate. I do try my best to follow through the "what if's" and think "OK, so what" but I haven't done it yet. Today i'm taking a tip from another post and going to note all the good,positive things that happen each day. I also need a chat with myself to raise my self-esteem which is rock bottom.

[Bill]

Hi there,

Chew gum?

If when you see the doctor they say there's no physical reason, another possibility would be that because you're afraid of choking, you're focussing on your swallowing which in turn makes your mouth and throat dry and tenses your throat muscles so you feel you can't swallow.

If you chew gum it's possible it'll make you swallow and keep your mouth and throat relaxed, and help you to stop focussing on it.

You maybe caught in the vicious circle. Fear making you focus creating more fear etc. You may need to break the cycle.

[sagey]

I used to chew airwaves lots to help me breathe but don't do it now because I'm afraid of choking on it ! I even have dreams of having something like a nail in my mouth and wake up to try and spit it out before I choke on it. I don't know what's to become of me. I've got to relax.

[judipat]

Hi Sagey

Sorry you are going through a rough time at present. You really do need to see a doctor to rule out any physical reasons for your swallowing probs.
It sounds like anxiety/panic to me and its a very common sympton, but very distressing. However, like all symptoms, the only way to cope with them is to accept them then work through them. If you add panic to panic, it just gets worse, or, you get other symptoms. Try not to focus on your swallowing (easy for me to say, i know). Have you read Claire Weeks book on Anxiety - if not, it really helped me and she has quite a lot about swallowing.

Hope you feel better soon

Judi

[sagey]

Hi Judypat. no I haven't read Claire Weekes but having seen her recommended here I might order a book tomorrow. I keep telling myself "Ican swallow, no probs, I've done it a million times" but there's a hook in my brain that says "no you can't, you'll gag" and sometimes I do.